Being prepared for a preemie (advice please)

[juicyfruity]

Hi

Because of various issues i have (incompetent cervix, my own physical health and some other things), i have been told it is quite likely my baby will not only be premature but very premature. I really pushed to get more details like when etc and all i got was you'll be lucky when we get to 24 weeks but the doctors seem really reluctant to tell me any more which i guess is because it's not a done deal i could still go completely to term! and they dont want to make me anxious for nothing.

Anyway it has all been hitting home, i am 22 weeks, 24 weeks is only two weeks away. holy sugar snaps! i am torn between 'preparing' for an early birth and having stuff ready and being moved house and then thinking what if this is just ridiculous overreacting.

It also made me realise just how unprepared mothers must be for when their little ones come so early.

A big thing playing on my mind is baby naming, I am nowhere near settled on a name for my girl and i'm scared i'll rush into something if she's born suddenly and then regret it! naming is something really special and important to me so now i feel stressed over that!

i feel my LO moving around inside me a lot and she seems so 'happy' in there i want to carry her to term! my due date is march 19!! that is still such a long way away.

And then there is the HUGE fear she'll die. I couldnt bear that, and it seems like a very real possibility. And all the disabilities that micro preemies are at risk for its just so scary!

I dont know who to talk to about all this, i know i should feel lucky i've had a bit of a heads up but i dont feel lucky i feel so scared.

thanks for any advice you might have
i am sorry if this wasnt the right place to put this post!
you are all so brave i dont know if i'll be the same if my girls preemie! i'm scared i'll just break down
Juicyfruity

 

[lilbeanhoping]

Hi,
I can't speak for anyone else but I can tell u my experience.
I was at risk for preterm labour due to a bicornuate uterus. I was getting monthly ultrasounds and my whole pregnancy everything was going and looking fine (after some scares the first 2months). So I was going along thinking there's no way I'd have the baby early and that I'd for sure make it to full term.
I went into labour at 35 weeks and then delivered via emergency csection.
My lo spent a week in the NICU, although we were told up until the day before he was discharged to expect to be there until after my due date. (we were lucky!)

In general I'm a lil OCD and like to be prepared so.......
I had both our hospital bags ready to go from about 25weeks.
I had my baby shower 2days prior to going into labour (coincidence), but everything we received as gifts I washed, dried and put away that same day.
I had all his clothes washed, dried and put away at about 25-27weeks.
All baby related things, bottles etc I had sterilized if need be or washed, put together etc at about 26-27weeks. (I figured I could always resterilise if a long time went by).
We had the car seat and stroller purchased and washed and ready to go next to the door at about 23weeks.
I started prepping meals/snacks to freeze for when we arrived home and I didn't feel like cooking at about 27weeks (never did finish all I wanted to).
I had a list written up for our fridge, my mom and one in diaper bag of important phone numbers and routines of our other kids so that if someone else was watching them they had all the info and I didn't have to worry about trying to remember it while in labour. Or worry about oh trying to remember haha. Also made sure my parents had a key to our house if they needed to get in for the kids stuff or the dog etc.

Most of these things my oh thought I was doing way to early, as did other people. But I am sooooo glad I did! Because when I went into labour at 35weeks I didn't have to worry about any of the "little" things. And when my lo was in the hospital I also didn't have to worry about all those "little things" and I could focus solely on him and my recovery. I don't know about for other people but when your lo is in the hospital the last thing you want to be worrying about is who is feeding the dog or the fact the crib isnt set up yet. And if I didn't have it all done I would have worried about that too. When your lo is in the hospital it really sux because all you can do is watch and I know for myself if the other things weren't done I would have sat there watching and stressing about what was going on at home as well and all the other things I needed to get done to be ready for him to come home.
It also helped to have everything ready to go because I had to send my oh home while I was being admitted to pick up our bags and car seat etc, as I didn't know I was in actual labour when we went to get checked out. He was so flustered that it helped to be able to just tell him where to get the things we needed and he didn't have to think about remembering anything.

And it's ok to break down! If you do have a premie, all the things that take place are downright scary and it's so hard looking at your lo in that state. Normally I'm a very strong, don't show my emotions kind of person, even while hormonal and pregnant. But I had my fair share of break downs!
Modern medicine these days is amazing! I saw soooo many babies born so early and so tiny when we were in the nicu and it was amazing that they were all thriving and growing due to the interventions from the doctors.

If you do have a premie all I can say is be prepared to "wait and see". Everything is a waiting game. They try some things and you wait to see if it works and sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't. Then you wait and see for the next thing. It's a lot of waiting around, waiting for the next milestone or devlelopment. We were only there a week and it was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through especially all the waiting and seeing.
And I know its hard to actually take this to heart but I'll say it anyways, try not to get too discouraged when things don't work or you take steps backwards. Even in our short time there we did many 2steps forwards, 3steps back but again it was all just waiting until his little body was ready for the next progression.

Wishing you all the best!

Sorry that post was so long.
I don't know if any of that helped you but I know for me it would have been nice to hear someone else's experience prior to.

 

[juicyfruity]

Thank you so much Lilbean! I actually copied and pasted that onto a word document to save so i can read over it again!
It really is so helpful! I really like being prepared for things, i am not the best with surprises or change of plans...
i am also getting lots of extra scans, which i love seeing baby but someone said to me oh i'm jealous i'd love to have scans every month! and i thought yeah i like it too but i hate the anxiety before every scan that something wont be okay!

 

[MrsEvans]

lilbeanhopings advice is spot on

as you have a heads up just get the basics prepared dont go crazy.

I had a 32 weeker and generally a baby born over 30 weeks has a very different journey then one born in the 20's.

The absolute essential item you will need is a breast pump if you plan on breast feeding and your hospital bag ready.

just try and relax and rest so you dont get any infections to aggravate your cervix

Good luck hon
xxx

 

[lilbeanhoping]

Oh yes Mrs is very right, breast pump! Lifesaver. Here the hospital provides while ure in there but when ure discharged u need an alternative. I bought one as I was/am pumping every 3hrs so renting was not a viable $$ option. They aren't cheap but worth the investment. My lil guy is a month old now (not yet reached actual due date) and I'm still pumping every 3hrs because he isn't strong enough to breastfeed yet (aparently very common with premies)

Glad what I said was helpful

I kno the scans can be stressful but I looked at it like this: 1. I get to see my baby yay! And 2. If there is a problem it will be caught right away and dealt with (would be much scarier to go undetected)

 

[Agiboma]

TBH i really dont think you can fully prepare mentally for a Micro prem. My son was born @ 25 weeks @ 23 weeks i knew he was coming in a matter of time. I did not buy or prepare in any way i took it one day at a time, the mere shock of him coming so early was incredibly overwhelming so i bought things as needed. Most of my time was spent with him in NICU and then getting over my own illness. Look having a micro prem is not easy, there is no preperation that i am aware of that wil make this a walk through the park, seeing your child hooked up to every tube etc etc, not easy. I hope your baby stays baking longer. GL

 

[dizz]

I was very lucky - other women in transitional care were having to run out of the hospital to buy things like car seats and pushchairs etc.

Because I'd had a history of miscarriages - the one thing I COULD do while pregnant, was to hideously overprepare everything - and I'd fallen back on that as a way of managing my stress and anxiety over the possibility of losing the pregnancy... so we'd gone pushchair and carseat shopping the day after the 20 week scan (coincided conveniently with the January sales), I had clothes washed and sorted into newborn, 0-3, 3-6 size organised drawers (this bit didn't quite work as she didn't fit any of 'em), the nursery had been painted and set up by about 24 weeks and I had my first-draft of my hospital bag done and ready by about 28 weeks as well anyway. The car seat I'd got sick of tripping over so we'd installed it in the car the week before she was born, realised it didn't comfortably fit in our car, and the day before she was born we'd swapped cars with my mother where there's much more interior room - funny how that one worked out too (by the way I don't recommend the middle of a post-natal ward, in a post-childbirth haze for making a phonecall altering your car insurance details with a really bad overseas callcentre)!

Funnily the day before I went into premature labour I'd had a sudden "must do it now" urge to charge the camera and camcorder and put them in the bag - it was such a forceful urge to do it I'm inclined to believe that some part of me knew what was going to happen.

Meant literally all we needed to do was get some preemie sized clothes (cue dispatching both sets of grandmothers into town on missions), and I had to get hubby to set the moses basket up in the bedroom!

This time - I'm completely unprepared still in terms of buying "stuff" (most of it we already had), but I'm starting to get there in terms of planning arrangements to ensure continuity and stability for our little girl in the event I get hospitalised in transitional care for weeks - directions to the local hospitals (maternity's so overworked here at present there are a LOT of days where units are closed and people are being rerouted), lists of what is kept where, routines for her and the dogs... things like that... again, it's stuff I can control and manage in order to minimise my stress levels - nowt like a nice to do list to keep things in check.

Biggest two for the short term - get your camera charged and keep it with you, and get YOUR hospital bag (if it's a preemie you won't need much for the baby for a while) sorted. Oh and pack hand cream - the constant anti-bac gels shred the shit outta your hands!

 

[vermeil]

Hello! Your story is similar to mine. I went to a routine scan at 25 weeks. I was told right then and there:

-I was being hospitalized immediately
-My baby was severely underdevelopped and they would take him out in 3 weeks big max (!!!)

Nothing can prepare you for that. I didn`t have a name either or anythng bought!! I ended up having an emergency c section 10 days later. He weighed 1lb4oz. That night while he fought for his life I was terrified he would die nameless (oy the things we worry about...) so I had a 5 minute chat with my DH and we picked out a name. The thing is... names can be changed!! When he started doing better, we both decided we weren`t TOO crazy and that name so we decided it was his hospital name. When he was released home (4 months later) he graduated to his real name. We simply ket his 'hospital name' as a middle name.

With that said - yes the nicu experience is very hard. But medicine has come a LONG way into saving these little guys. And it`s amazing what their little bodies can do! And what`s also amazing is how strong WE ladies become in these scenarios. I became 'down-to-business', did everything I had to 24/7 because I NEEDED to, end of story. Looking back I don`t know how I managed it was so hard! But I did and here I am with a healthy, happy toddler!
Do you have family or friends that could come give you a hand? I was always either breastpumping (ugh) or at the nicu with my little one so having someone to play chauffeur, prepare meals, heck just someone to talk to and share news was a lifesaver.

Another thing that really helped - sounds minor but I just didn`t have the energy to tell everyone how our son was doing. I would tell ONE person - my mom, who stayed with me those weeks and helped out. In turn people would call HER for news every day. I really, really couldn't deal with talking with anyone, even my closest friends. People mean well but often they just don`t know what to say anyway. I found that a HUGE help.

What else... I found renting a hospital grade breastpump was much better than a store bought. It cost around 90$ a month and was sooo worth it.

I know it`s very hard, try to keep brave. Once your little one is born he will be in expert hands. When you have bad days that feels like a step back, for example retrograding from cpap back to ventilation - just remember "This is what my baby needs right now to grow strong". I must have repeated that mantra to myself 1000 times. Every time I felt like he was getting worse or we were taking a step back, I told myself that. It really helped keep things in perspective.

Finally... every nicu ward has an assigned psychologist. Our had two that just wandered from room to room all day long and just said hello. At first I was shy of speaking with them, thought it was a bit weird but MAN did one of them ever become my BEST friend heh. I spent hours speaking with her. 2.5 years later and we still keep in touch, she was a lifesaver too.

Finally nicus often have parent meetings to discuss preemies. Another big help. In fact I'm thinking of volunteering now to return the huge support they gave me. I remember clinging to the positive stories I heard there, of anyone with a 24-28 weeker.

Hope that helps - hang in there! You'll be in my thoughts

(when you are ready to see, see timeline pics in my signature for an idea what a 23 week old looks like. Also his odds were NOT typical! Most micro preemies do much better! )