Being tied to ex/in-laws

[Jennifurball]

I haven't spoke to ex for 3 weeks now and felt I was doing really well (all things considered) but now I have found 2 missed calls from his mum and I feel back at square 1. I understand I cannot stop any of them seeing Scarlett, it isn't their fault we split. But at the same time, I hate seeing them or hearing from them because I feel I will never move on.

Last time she came, I couldn't help myself asking how ex was and she said he is doing good and not drinking etc, but I am worried sick about the time she tells me he has met someone. I hate this situation so much.

How do you deal with a break up when you can't make a clean break?

 

[nolansmom]

I used to feel the same about my ex husband. I think that as cliche as it sounds it all happens in "time". Time is the only way to really get over it. Smile and nod and do your part as a good mom. Part of your job as a mom is to care about your lo's extended family.. At least that's what my mom always told me..

 

[Jennifurball]

Thank you, I need to remind myself I am doing this for Scarlett. She has every right to know her dad and grandparents, even if we didn't work as a couple. I just need to toughen up. I am sure he won't like the thought of me moving on either.

 

[nolansmom]

My experience with my ex husband is actually a funny one. I was angry as HE!! for the first year after we separated. I was angry that I was single and that I was "alone" and doing it all by myself. I was angry that he was partying and I was going out once every 3 months etc. I did have communication with his immediate family every so often. His mother called once to say Merry Christmas and I was so angry that she hadn't bothered the rest of the year yet felt like making herself feel good over the holidays. I told her this. I told her that her grandson exists the WHOLE year and not only over the holidays. She took offense of course but I said what I needed to and made myself clear. My little boy deserved to be noticed throughout the year. I wasn't nice at all, I was pissed off and I didn't care who knew it. I've found that what my ex husband lacks I can sometimes get from my ex MIL - so she and I may talk once a month for an hour or two, just as women who have been through dealing with men. She sends a gift for my sons birthday (she is in the USA and I'm in Canada) and I send pictures from school etc. I don't think you have to pretend that you are happy with lack of involvement from your ex and the situation as a whole but the truth is that you have to keep the doors open and who knows - maybe when lo is 10 she will spend a week with grandma in the summer while you take a little time for yourself. Also sometimes for child support purposes its good to have his mother on your side.. I know that my sons gma has told my ex husband that he HAS to keep up his payments etc etc. Often times they are embarrassed by how their sons have acted and really just want to be part of lo's life. Can you blame her? How would you feel if she didn't try at all? Maybe her calling is saying "I know my son is a douche but I'd like to see lo".. You know us women have to stick together (hence this forum) and I'm sure she knows her son well and all his faults. Let grandma be around and you might be surprised at how supportive she can be...

 

[lemontree12]

I lived with my exs parents for 4yrs so when we first split up every month or so if have to go pick up my mail, it would take me a week to get over it then if be in a happier place until the next time, in the end I realised it wasn't worth it so stopped picking it up. My ex decided he was t ready to be a parent and his parents stuck by his decision and don't see violet either, I have to admit this way has helped me get over it, I think he was cheating on me with the current fluzzy and she a horrible horrible person so I'm happy I don't have to say that I don't want her around my child.

Like pp said it does get easier, I only tend to get upset because what he put me and my daughter threw rather than not being with him. I was 26weeks pregnant when I found out he was with someone else and it didn't take me long to except it, infact it prob helped me realise it was over


Xxxx

 

[Dezireey]

I lived with my exs parents for 4yrs so when we first split up every month or so if have to go pick up my mail, it would take me a week to get over it then if be in a happier place until the next time, in the end I realised it wasn't worth it so stopped picking it up. My ex decided he was t ready to be a parent and his parents stuck by his decision and don't see violet either, I have to admit this way has helped me get over it, I think he was cheating on me with the current fluzzy and she a horrible horrible person so I'm happy I don't have to say that I don't want her around my child.

Like pp said it does get easier, I only tend to get upset because what he put me and my daughter threw rather than not being with him. I was 26weeks pregnant when I found out he was with someone else and it didn't take me long to except it, infact it prob helped me realise it was over
Xxxx

Gosh Lemon, didn't realise his parents won't see his child either. Just goes to show, you know where he got his attitude from then. I think it tells you a great deal about the FOB when his parent / s ignore their grandchild. They obviously teach their sons that the best way to treat women they get pregnant is to run away and avoid responsibility, like they do.

 

[lemontree12]

No none of his family have even exknownlegded her birth. I totally agree all his behaviour has to stem from somewhere. If his parents were man enough and show their granddaughter chances are he would of came around, but we live 10mins away shop in the same supermarket etc and they avoid us.

X

 

[Dezireey]

Sheesh..... anyone would bloody think that we held these men down with ropes and extracted their sperm by force! Why can't even grandparents see that their son is equally responsible? I can't stand this attitude of ' she trapped him' sort of rubbish as the majority of us ladies got accidentally caught out and even planned the baby with the FOB!

Meh, that's definitely where they get their selfishness from and total lack of moral values, their parents. Wish his Dad would leave his mum and have nothing more to do with him,
see how she likes that feeling

 

[lemontree12]

Well saying that, his older brothers 'real' day left his mum pregnant and never seen him, she was 18 so she knows exactly what I'm going threw because she's been there but still doesn't have the heart to stick up for her granddaughter x

Seriously jermery Kyle would pay to have my story lol

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