Benefit of the doubt?

[SerenityNow]

I think for the most part you see what you expect to see. So if you think that most people are selfish and dishonest, you will find a lot of evidence to back you up. And if you think that people generally do their best to be kind and helpful, you will see that in the world instead.

I used to be pretty judgmental when I was a young person in my 20s, and I had to actively work on not being so quick to write people off. Now I find that I almost always have positive, friendly interactions with people.

There was a woman who worked at the office where you pay your parking tickets in my town (who I, unfortunately, saw more often than I should have!) and she was such a ray of sunshine. You would walk in and she was so upbeat and friendly and above all GENUINE! She's kind of my role model now. You know that almost everyone who walked in there was pissed off that they got a parking ticket and her attitude made a really big difference.

I think there is a difference though between being a happy person and being naive towards people. It's possible to be very friendly and outgoing and still be able to read people and know when to put your guard up.

But it is too bad that there aren't more positive people out there; although it makes it that much more of a joy when you run into one!

Whoops, I kind of answered a different question than the one you were asking.

In answer to your actual question, I think I'm pretty objective about people which I think is really the most respectful way to treat them. I don't feel like I have to have my guard up because I think people suck, I'm just not inclined to very involved with people so I don't end up in situations where I can be taken advantage of.

I'm definitely wary of people who strike me as "clingy". So, while I'm happy to go out with colleagues I am not going to stick around to listen while someone vents about work or their personal life. I don't want to end up in the position of taking sides or being caught up in someone else's drama.

We have a rental property and own a business so we've had to deal with a fair number of issues with tenants and employees. My bottom line is always that I am not a social worker. I understand and sympathize with people who are facing hard times and I'm willing to work something out, but they have to hold up their end of the agreement. If they don't or can't, I don't hold it against them personally but we have to part ways. At the end of the day I will treat them like a responsible adult with the attendant consequences.

I put a lot of value on having street smarts but I think if you are suspicious of everyone it can make you less street smart. You have to have a basic trust that most people are not out to do you harm so you are aware when something seems "off". Our downtown has a lot of homeless people hanging around and some of them are pretty sketchy-- as in probably high or mentally unstable or both! I have friends who won't take their kids downtown or to the public library because they are scared, which I think is really quite sad. I want my kids to be around all sorts of people so they can develop street smarts themselves. I also want them to understand that there are folks out there who are in a rough situation but that we expect these people to behave appropriately in public.

I was at Target once and while I was buckling the baby into the car I heard someone talking to my older DD. She was a panhandler and was getting ready to ask me for some money, but started by making small talk with my 10 year old. I told her straight out that it was not okay to approach children, that I was going back into the store to let them know what she'd done and that she had best be on her way. I didn't freak out on her, but I felt like she needed to be told that she'd crossed the line and I wanted my DD to know that the lady had crossed the line but that we weren't in any danger and there was an appropriate way to address the situation.
My oldest DD also volunteers at the downtown library in the summer and she has seen situations ranging from people loosing control of their bodily functions to people coming into the library with weapons and being arrested. I can't say that I'm glad these things have happened while she was there! But I feel like it's important to be out in the world and see what goes on.

I'm way more suspicious of people than my OH is, though. He is really friendly and outgoing and will give someone the shirt off his back. I love that about him but sometimes I tease him that "no good deed goes unpunished" because there have been times where being helpful has turned into way more of an ordeal than he was expecting. I don't think that he is naive though. He's aware of what he could be getting into, he just believes that he can handle it if things go sideways. He actually has great instincts in general not just with people, from an evolutionary standpoint I definitely married up!

Sorry for the dissertation! I'm stuck to this chair holding a sleeping baby.

 

[Jaylynne]

I'm more of a people watcher and I'm rather accurate at figuring out people. Generally, I'm a benefit of the doubt if I can't get a good read or if I don't get a jackass vibe. I'm you're friend until you mess with me or someone I know. At my old job, my boss used to ask my opinion when he interviewed people. I could tell him who's a good fit and who was going to be a jerk and how he was going to do it. He laughed at me and hired him because on paper he was good. He turned out exactly as I said and he owed me $100. Sometimes it pays to have a bit of social anxiety. I learn to read people when I want to. Although it is easier to watch them when they're talking to others vs talking to me.

 

[DragonflyWing]

I give people the benefit of the doubt, but I don't base safety decisions on that assumption. For example, if I'm walking in a dark parking lot and see a man loitering near my car, I'm not going to assume he's a crazy rapist. I am also not going to turn my back on him or offer to give him a ride

Basically, assume people have good intentions, but be prepared in case they don't.

 

[ChesMik4eva]

I used to be so negative about people and would get down all the time about the kind of world we live in. Since having my son I'm trying to change that, I don't want him inheriting my depressing point of view. I used to think my default setting was just negative and I think it's really sad to go through life feeling like that.*

My OH is the same, deep down he's such a kind hearted, compassionate person but he's had some pretty horrific things happen to him throughout his life and treated terribly by people who were supposed to love and care for him so I can see now he's got this hard shell around him. He tends to be weary of almost everyone and sort of views the world in a 'us and them' mentality. It's sad because I know the real him and he's not truly such a pessimistic person, he's just had his trust abused so many times it's almost all gone

My mother on the other hand is the most genuine, caring person I've ever met. She will give ANYONE the benefit of the doubt, sometimes it's to her detriment but she sees it as the best way to be. Sometimes I'm in awe of how trusting she is and how far she will go for others. She stopped on the side of the road at 2am in a very bad neighborhood because a woman was sitting down. Her drunk, abusive husband was screaming at them down the road and was threatening to kill them so my mum took her in the car and then drove her all around town to different friends and family to find somewhere for her to stay. Eventually she took her home to our house let her stay with us the night. The next day she dropped her off at a woman's shelter. Thinking back I am so proud of my mum for doing that, and I wish I had the balls to intervene when I've seen people sitting on the side of the road.*

 

[robinator]

^^Wow!

 

[Natsku]

Wow your mum was brave to do that! But what a good thing to do