Best friend being super bitter vent!! Sorry

[kerri28]

I know everyone views their own problems from their own perspective of things but shouldn't people also imagine themselves in the other persons shoes or realize their problems are minor compared to another's? I practice that when in complaining even now I know what I'm complaining about is nothing compared to other ladies problems on here and vice versa. But we vent regardless because it is a release. Let's face it we are kinda restricted these days to relaxation methods lol.
So as I have mentioned briefly before my best friend is very young and is in a relationship with a man who will no longer marry her because she wants kids and he doesn't but she is very codependent so she has yet to leave him. She very much wants children but he has been trying to sway her and somewhat succeeding. Now that I'm pregnant she has been getting very distant some days and makes remarks like well atleast your pregnant! Well here's the thing I'd expect that from someone who has been unable to conceive and tried and tried but she isn't planning on having children any time soon and especially with this guy. When I say I've been sick all day and I'm going to bed early (10pm)! She calls me after midnight complaining I never have time to talk to her because I go to bed early!! Her bf doesn't let her call me till he leaves. She has no responsibilities, lives at home, just started working her first full time job and has no real life worries outside of her relationship. I hate that she treats me like what I'm going through is nothing yet she is jealous of it!! Being on bed rest is nothing to be jealous of and going day to day not knowing what's going on in there isn't wonderful either! I sent her a picture of the chair dh ordered yesterday as a surprise for the nursery and all she could say is oh must be comfy but why would you get it now??
I can't deal with petty crap. She's 25 and claims she's going to have to start her life all over if age leaves her bf of 2 years. She talks and acts like ages 40 and going through a divorce with grown children!! In growing a human being inside my body. I just feel like this pregnancy is nothing to everyone except me and dh. We haven't told family yet but I get the sense it won't be any different to them either.

Sorry this is so long I'm just so frustrated.

 

[Night Flower]

I'd tell her that you and her need to take time off from eachother. Although I really don't think saying that ones problems may not be as important as anothers(or minor in comparison) is right. And quite frankly, its rude. I wouldn't say that to someone. And I hope you didn't to your bff. You both need to take time away from each other, calm down, and then talk about it. Address your feelings to her, after you both have had some time to think about things.

 

[kerri28]

I think her problems are as serious for her life as mine are for me. I would just never minimize her problems but suggest she look at them realistically rather than stressing herself out more than she needs to. I can appreciate that what she is goin through May seem larger than life to her but I think there needs to be an equal amount of appreciation. I have gone above and beyond to be there for her even as far as spending nights over to keep her company but for whatever reason she doesn't want to be there for me. I guess I never factored in that she has been very shelter while I have tasted reality since a very young age. I guess the jealousy can go both ways. :-/

 

[jenmcn1]

I'm sorry. Its a tough one. To be honest, noone will understand pregnancy or childbirth unless they have been through it themselves. Although its like that for any situation in life. Sounds like she's in an impossible situation. Might be good to take a break from eachother, to gain perspective, and be honest about your feelings. She may not even realize how's she treating you, or how it makes you feel. Some people are just like this, and need to be made aware of it. Kids always changes things. Doesn't have to be for the bad of course...but it changes everything in our lives. And sometimes relationships fall to the waist side...give her some time and space, and then discuss things in an open and honest safe environment.

 

[pandi77]

I am going through a similar situation with a long time friend but we are the same age. It really hurts not to be able to share such an amazing event in your life with a close friend doesn't it? Especially when the odds were against us getting pregnant at all.

She has a penchant for being an insensitive oaf from time to time and (my hormones aside) has really kicked it up a notch since I told her we are pregnant. I know this is in part because she wants a little nugget too but her path in life that lead her to not being in a relationship to consider bringing life in to the world is a lot of her own doing. On one hand you don't need negativity or stress right now and need to protect yourself from that but on the other hand it probably stings her a bit every time she sees a reminder of your LO on the way. Ultimately you have to do what feels right for you. I have distanced myself from my friend as I don't want to feel upset by her actions and snippy behavior right now. I figure she may come around eventually but right now it's about positive thinking/environment.

I've enjoyed having the gals here on the board as i'm sure you have! Your friend will come around and if she doesn't it will be her unfortunate loss.