best friend mc

[Zarababy1]

My best friend found out she was pregnant the day Charlie was born she couldnt wait to tell me, she asked me about a week ago when i was pregnant did i have any slight pinkish discharge i said no but not to worry unless it was bleeding, a few days later she rang again to tell me she'd been bleeding she had an apointment for a scan on tuesday but lost the baby on monday night, i feel bad i told her not to worry, i worry its going to make us drift apart because im enjoying my beautiful baby i feel that she wont want to spend time around us seeing how happy we are when shes so sad i really cant find the words to say to her i want to let her know i'm here for her without coming across as if im rubbing it in!

 

[owo]

So sorry to hear about your friend. From my experience everytime i saw a pregnant woman or a new baby for a few weeks it would make me upset and i couldn't deal with it. Don't feel offended if your friend cannot bring herself to call you or see you right now.
I don't know whether you have experienced a MC or not so appologies in advanced for this. When i went through my MC people i knew that hadn't would try and help by 1) not mentioning it which really hurt 2) saying things like it was meant to be or at least it happened early or something must have been wrong. These are last things that you want to happen or hear.
My advise would be send her some flowers or something you know she will like with a card that just says "I'm here to chat when you feel ready and sending you lots of hugs". Alternatively go and see her without the baby and just give her a hug and ask her how's she doing. Dont try and say anything to make her feel better, chances are you won't be able to (sorry don't mean to offend), just offer her a hug and let her talk to you about it in her own way. Sorry if i offended or patronised in any way didn't mean too, what i'm trying to say is be there for her as a friend and don't be offended if she feels she can't see anyone at the moment.

 

[Lazy Leo]

One of my friends told us she was pregnant while we were trying to ttc and we had to photograph her daughter's christening 10 days after I m/c. It was tough, but I love spending time with her and the little one. I'm not jealous of her or the baby at all. I know we'll do some things differently when it's our turn to be parents and our baby will sound different, smell different, just be different. She's not mine and I'm not hurt by being around her.

Although I love being around them though I'm no saint I promise you, I can't stand it when I'm surrounded by those I don't know so well. One of my friend's friend's who we went to school with got pregnant shortly after her and I was so mad when I found out. She had a little boy shortly after my friend had her daughter - and I didn't hold him once or play with him at all the Christening....

so maybe your friend will surprise you - ask her if she needs space or hugs and she'll let you know. Everything will be fine for your friendship xxx

 

[buffycat]

hi.......

i guess i could almost be that friend....my best friend is pregnant with her second (i am godparent to the first). I didn't tell her i was pregnant, or about the mc........she is due 5 weeks before i would have been...

give her some time though.....having a mc is such a painful experience emotionally. When she is ready, she'll come to you....

hugs are always a good start though....

luv & hugs

 

[Sambatiki]

Hi there,

Owo has got it in a nutshell. Exactly how I would have put it.

 

[biteable]

best wishes to your friend,just let her know your there for her should she need it,every1 deals with m/c differently but i know after mine i couldnt be near pregnant women or babies as it broke my heart for a while xx

 

[Loo]

I agree totally with what has been said already. My only addition is that I have quite random feelings about pregnant woman or those with babies.

i.e. my emotions are not always consistent - lots of my friends had babies around the time of my EDD (some know and some don't know that I mc)....and some of them I am happy to see and hold the baby and not feel any negative thoughts. ANd with others I don't want to be around them at the moment and aren't comfortable holding the baby etc

There is no rhyme or reason or logic to any of those feelings and its not about who is closest to me etc

So just dont get offended if your friend doesnt want to see you for a bit. It doesnt mean she doesnt love you....she just needs time and to know you are there if she needs you.

x