BFP today... mixed emotions. Any advice?

[MemmaJ]

So I have an 11 month old baby, that we spent a year TTC for.
Tests during that time revealed I didn't ovulate every month, but we finally got our BFP right before I was going to start booking appointments regarding Clomid etc (privately, as I also already have 11 year old twins from a previous relationship, so wasn't entitled to NHS help).

My partner has always been keen to have another one ASAP but I wanted to wait a couple of years before TTC again, because then our current baby would be close to Nursery age if it took as long to conceive again.

He has been trying to convince me for months, and we both agreed to start again in May next year - as we have 2 events in April and 1 in May that I didn't want to be pregnant for (well, the one in May I can't even do at all if I'm pregnant).

We haven't been using any contraception since my baby was born - my sex drive has completely disappeared since then so we don't DTD very much (rarely), and I naively figured it would be fine as it had taken so long to get pregnant last time, and that was with actively trying.

Today has resulted in a surprise BFP after finally plucking up the courage to take a test on the basis that AF is 3 days late.

OH is over the moon, of course.
I have complete mixed emotions, it hasn't even sunk in and every time I think about it I just keep thinking 'this wasn't how it was supposed to be' and 'what am I going to do?!'
It should be a happy and exciting day to get a BFP, like it was for us last time - and for me today is just a complete blur of emotions - none of them 'excited' so far..!
The worry about the cost, lack of space, childcare costs when I go back to work after the next one... the disappointment of the 3 events I've been looking forward to being affected (one of them not even possible now)... the worry of if/how I'll cope with two under 2 and not being able to give my current baby the attention that I love to give him now.
I definitely did want another baby, I had just accepted that we would be trying again next year (and that it would probably take a while again!), and that everything between now and then would be fine. Complete shock..!

And then I feel guilty for feeling that way because it's my own 'fault' anyway.

Sorry for the long post but I just needed to offload as OH is so happy that he's no help for the way I'm feeling, and we are not telling anyone else

 

[Xpecta]

Aww hun, that's tough. Well, keep in mind that your hormones create a lot of the back and forth feeling. And you had a plan. You are very much at liberty to be disappointed. Eventually I'm sure the excitement will kick in, after the shock is worn off. Just give it some time And congratulations!! Many many years from now when your child is all grown up, you will hardly remember these feelings.

 

[lanet]

I'm in the same boat. I have a 13 year old from a previous relationship and my husband and I tried for 4 years, finally resorting to ivf to conceive our 20 month old twins. I have horrible pregnancies and suffer from hyperemesis guadivarum. We were not using birth control bc we had a firm diagnosis of infertility and were told our chances were nonexistent. Even iui and clomid didn't work for us. Now somehow I'm pregnant. And very sick, and totally overwhelmed. I know it's a blessing and that I will eventually be so excited and happy but right now I just keep thinking what have I done, how will I do it? Will it be unfair to my other kids? It will be so hard. But I know it will be ok and I won't be able to imagine life any other way once the baby is here. I haven't downloaded any apps or looked at nurseries on Pinterest or any of the stuff I did previously yet, my head just isn't there yet.

 

[justplay91]

Hi, MemmaJ. I am in a similar situation. Our first child is a little over 2, and our daughter just turned 10 months. Now, we planned for them to be close in age and we were happy with our two and that was supposed to be it. Then, ONE TIME, OH and I DTD without protection, during what was supposed to be the day or two before I got my period. We get the chance to DTD like once every 4 months (seriously!)... Anyway, we somehow caught an egg and I'm now 17 weeks with baby #3! I'm due March 25th. For 5 months, I will have 3 kids under 3. WHAT.

I'm pretty torn about it. At this point, I'm really excited to add another baby boy to the family. But I do wonder how in the world I'm going to give everyone the attention they need. I can say, though, that 2 under 2 hasn't been as hard as I thought it would. It kind of all comes together. I do have times where I feel frustrated and like I'm not able to give either my son or my daughter my all, and those times are hard (I have my breakdowns, but who doesn't?). But overall, the joy of seeing them interact together and the fullness of our family just makes it all worth it.

 

[MemmaJ]

Thank you so much for your replies, it helps just to know I'm not alone in feeling this way - the guilt of the way I'm feeling is just as bad as the feeling itself..!
How far gone are you lanet? Do you know roughly when you started to feel excited justplay?

Feel like I'm constantly on the verge of tears this morning, so 'sleeping on it' hasn't done much..!
OH left for work before I was up this morning and we have been texting - neither of us have mentioned it! It's like the elephant in the room today.
I keep looking at my little boy this morning and hugging him, and feeling this terrible guilt that he won't be my 'baby' any more and that he won't get my full attention.
Obviously I've had twins before and coped fine with that, but I somehow feel that's different as it was just ALWAYS that way with them and it's all we knew - whereas it will have just been me and my little
boy for 17 months when the new baby comes.
My twins are almost 12 now so they're at secondary school and pretty much do their own thing - so also I was a lot younger and fitter (and didn't work!) when I had them.

I'm a bit of a control freak and just feel completely out of control in this whole situation.
It wasn't 'planned', it isn't WHEN it was supposed to be, it isn't HOW it was supposed to be - and there's nothing I can do about it.
Even silly things, like we had planned to use the Shettles method to try and conceive a girl next time (all 3 so far are boys!), and that obviously hasn't happened. I've already convinced myself it'll be another boy because I've had no control over it - not that it would be the end of the world, and nothing is to say that the method would have worked anyway - but at least I'll have felt like I tried.

 

[SleepyBaby]

dont sweat it!

When i found out i was pregnant with bubs i sat in the garden for an hour crying and feeling sorry for myself, feeling silly for letting it happen and generally wishing the test was wrong!

Roll on 20 odd weeks later and i went from denial, to anger, depressed for a bit, curiousity came for a while wondering what its going to be like with 3, then i accepted the pregnancy and now im getting excited, really has been a rollercoaster but given time it all works out!

Methods to get a certain gender are not 100% to dont dwell on what cant be changed, look at all the positives! skipping the TTC bit is a bonus, making the baby is fun, but the waiting and watching and testing is a lot of stress!

It will all work out, this time next year you will look back and think " I would not change any of it for the world!"

 

[justplay91]

When I first found out, I remember sobbing on the floor of the bathroom holding the positive pregnancy test. I don't like to admit it, but I hated that little baby for awhile. Everything was perfect, and now it would alI change again. I would say things started to change when I saw the baby at my dating scan. I realized it wasn't this baby's fault and that he/she looked just like my son and daughter did at my 8 week scans. Just an innocent little blob. Things got harder again when I had to stop breastfeeding my daughter because my supply dried up. I felt guilty and horrible and so sad that that bond would be gone. But I would definitely say entering the second tri made things more real and more acceptable. Now I've seen baby on multiple ultrasounds, I know he's a boy, and i get to feel little kicks every day! I'm looking forward to juggling the three of them (though I know it will be rough at times) and I can't wait to see my older kids become a big brother (again) and a big sister. I'm excited for all the newborn things again like my cosleeper and wearing my wrap and tiny little clothes. It took awhile to get here, though. It came in stages, definitely.

 

[lanet]

I think I'm about 8 weeks. I found out 3 weeks ago.

 

[Beejing]

I've been feeling similarly. me and my fiancé were trying TTC #1 but after 3 months we decided to wait until we are married next year and also had made plans for the New Year. We DTD once in August as we decided to wait until we were married to have sex again. So you can imagine my surprise that I missed my period in September. Since finding out I've been suffering horribly from morning sickness and have already ended up in the hospital a few times already. My fiancé is over the moon about the baby but I've been feeling dreadful and really not looking forward to having a baby. I've been told a few times that this feeling will pass and once the baby is here I will be overjoyed. I really hope so.

 

[lanet]

Beejing I think that's my main issue is I have severe morning sickness with every pregnancy and It puts a cloud over absolutely everything and makes it all seem way too overwhelming.

 

[Symphony7]

Omg thank you ladies for posting this! I have been feeling so overwhelmed and terrible lately. This baby was very much planned, I waited 3+ years to TTC. Now that I am pregnant I find myself wishing I wasn't and that I could go back in time and just keep life the way it is and never change. I even had a terrible thought that I wished I'd miscarry...I feel like a terrible person. I guess maybe because I am pretty sick, all day sickness too and so exhausted and I'm thinking wow I'm not even seven weeks yet. I am glad to know I am not the only one having these feelings. I think what is wrong with me why am I thinking this when I waited so long and wanted this so much. I'm hoping it's just nausea and tiredness and hormones. I just want to cry all the time.