BFP! // What a morning!

[Glitch]

So, after almost 6 months of trying, we'd finally stopped getting excited each month to test. I'd told my partner I can't keep doing it, I'm only going to bother testing if I have a late period etc

This morning started out as the most horrible morning I've had in a while - my son's biological father (abusive to us both, not had anything to do with DS in nearly 4 years, DS has no idea who he is) has decided to run to Mediation - he doesn't think it's fair that he should have to pay child maintenance for DS, he's got a new partner so why should his past be dragging him down when they could be using that money to go on more holidays, essentially.

Only, he's not likely to tell Mediation that. He's more likely to try and say he's desperate to see DS and I'm stopping him, as that's more likely to drag out and cause and problems etc

So, stress and crying at not being sure what to do. Mediation wants me to pay £99 just to go and talk to them (and tell them everything i've already told the ex), if I don't, he may be able to twist it to look bad on me.

Mood ruined for the rest of the day, if not the week, I thought.

Went to the toilet.
Realised that (my periods are never spot on) one period predictor I used said my period should have started two days ago, another one said today.

Eh, may as well stick a test in just incase.

Two blue lines. One's very faint, but definitely two.

Another stick in the pot.
Two blue lines again.

Sat there pondering for ages if I was seeing things, if I should wait a few more days or just get the (expensive ) digital test out JUST to be sure.

Sod it, they've sat in the drawer for months, may as well use them.

"PREGNANT. 1-2 WEEKS"

Oh. Oh okay then

I'm over the moon, still kinda convinced I'm imagining it and keep double checking the test - trying to figure out how to tell my partner when he gets home from work (he'll be happy, but I want to make it "special" ).

But I'm also still extremely stressed and distressed about the ex popping up to cause us trouble again.

I did not think it was possible to feel extreme emotions at two completely different ends of the scale AT THE SAME TIME

So yes. Here I am

(Sorry if this makes no sense at all, I am rambling. I also can't tell anyone else yet until I've AT LEAST told my partner so it's quite hard keeping it in )

Hello!

 

[winterbabies3]

Congratulations!!! Have a great day!!! Theres some really cute ways to tell your partner on pinterest!!

 

[Glitch]

Thankyooou!

I'm trying to remember what I'm supposed to do now do I contact my doctor now or do I wait a couple of weeks (as it's so early days) or what

 

[bdb84]

Congratulations!!

As to your ex, try not to stress. The burden of proof is ON HIM to prove to the courts that he has been reaching out to you and you have been ignoring him. My guess is he has no such evidence in his pocket. You'll be just fine.

 

[winterbabies3]

I'd try waiting a little bit to make the appt, just because it tends to be awhile out and i know i hate looking at the calendar everyday waiting hahaha

 

[Glitch]

Congratulations!!

As to your ex, try not to stress. The burden of proof is ON HIM to prove to the courts that he has been reaching out to you and you have been ignoring him. My guess is he has no such evidence in his pocket. You'll be just fine.

Thankyoou!

And I hope so. He's so manipulative though, it worries the life out of me every time we hear from him we know he has no genuine interest in DS, but he'd tolerate him if it meant having some control

I'd try waiting a little bit to make the appt, just because it tends to be awhile out and i know i hate looking at the calendar everyday waiting hahaha

Haha yes! I think I might give it a couple of weeks, do another test (just because i'm still in disbelief ) and then make an appointment. If I can last that long

 

[flowergirl7]

Congratulations!!

 

[xarlenex]

First off congratulations

Secondly, as long as your worries are well founded and can be proved you'll be fine, sadly it would go against you if you didn't attempt mediation and it went to court. Is it possible he's changed at all and genuinely wants to be a part of his life? My son has been an after thought in his dad's life since we split, he was 8 months old, he's always taken him, I didn't realise initially it was because his mum was making him, now 10 years his mental health has really suffered through his dad always treating him as his last priority. If I had any idea how it would have panned out I'd have told him where to go years ago, but he would have won the right to visitation if he went to court, because it wouldn't have been enough for a court to rule otherwise.

 

[happycupcake]

Firstly, congratulations

Re your ex, I would be inclined to take it to court for official residency if you don't already have it, and to request an order put in place so your ex can't have anything to do with him. Primarily based on the abuse he aimed at you both, particularly focusing on his abuse towards your son. Do you have proof? If so, gather it all together. If there's evidence, i.e. police reports, then it should be fairly easy to do. Of course you do risk a judge feeling dad ought to be given a chance under supervision, but if he really bears that much of a grudge paying maintenance then I wouldn't think it likely he would stick with contact for long, and especially given he will have to do all the legwork and it be supervised. Which, you are completely entitled to request given the history and also because your son doesn't know this person anymore. On that alone you could request six months supervised contact.
If you get in there first, it makes you look good. But if you don't think he will take it anywhere, then you may like to leave it since you're newly pregnant and don't want the stress

 

[Glitch]

Thankyou allll!

Unfortunately he's not changed. It was only a couple of months ago he was trying to pressure my partner in to adopting as he doesn't want to pay child support, he's said many times that he doesn't want to have anything to do with DS.

(He talks to my partner instead of me as he believes the man owns the woman so thinks he's talking to the organ grinder and I am just the monkey, essentially - one of the many things that lead to me leaving).

But he has always been EXTREMELY petty and cared more about "winning" and having control, so I would not be surprised at all if he would try to force access (even though I offered multiple times, but told him he had to go through a contact centre) as "punishment" for my ex not doing as he's told.

Just because I can't imagine anyone taking him seriously if he said "I want mediation because I don't think it's fair that I should be expected to support a child I created"

I think he'd push for whatever story was most likely to work out in his favour and cause issues for us, just because that's how he's always been.