Big Age Differences

[aidensxmomma]

*I do have this posted in WTT, but think this might be a better place for it, since it will deal with my kids when they're older. If it needs to be moved, feel free to move it, mods!*

I've been talking to my OH a little bit about when we should try for our third baby. I know we're jumping the gun a little, since I'm still pregnant with the second, but I'm a planner. We were going to start trying in 3-5 years, but I don't think it will really be possible unless everything falls into place within a short timeframe. So instead of trying in 3-5 years, I thought maybe we would try again in 10 years (sounds like forever).

See, we have our son, who will be 16 months old when his little sister is born. So they will be really close in age. And I'd rather not have another baby five years from now and a fourth another five years after that (we have agreed on having 4). I thought maybe we'd just wait 10 years and have #3 and #4 two (or so) years apart.

Would that be mean to my older two, or even the younger two, for such a big age gap between the groups? Is it mean to have two different groups in the first place?

*Sorry for rambling, I can never seem to get out what I'm trying to say *

 

[helen1234]

i have 14 yrs gap between 1st and 2nd and am ttc now for my third.
tbh the best to do is whats best for your family, rosie has a lovely bond with rhys and is more help than a toddler would because obv she's more independant but she is still an only child as she does play/hangout on her own. this ios the reason why i want another close in age.
prob a different perspective i'm not telling what to do just what my family is like, all children have their own bond what ever the gap, you do what feels right for you
xx

 

[Jkelmum]

I have jake 13 and katie 9 then ethan 2 so a 7 yr gap and now lily ....tbh Ethan was my last baby but then i realised he was like a only child cos other 2 was older so we decided to have lily ....it works great in my house i dont think i cud do 4 little ones ...the older ones help out and love there litte siblings xxx

 

[sabby52]

There is a 9year 9months gap between my two and I love it, I am not planning on having any more but I wouldnt have it any other way, Dan is old enough to do his own thing and I have free time to spend with Dec when I want, then I have the evenings when Dec is winding down to spend with the both of them. They get on so well apart from the fact that Dec is so rough due to the fact that he is thrown around by an 11 year old!!!! Lol But I also have the benifit of Dan being on hand to help with his little brother.

 

[whitelilly]

My sister is 30, I am 26, brother is 25, sister is 16 and brother is 10. I love it and we all get along. I wouldn't worry about age gaps xx

 

[Mervs Mum]

I'm the same as Helen - 14 yrs between #1 and #2 and TTC #3. There are no rules....families adapt to their specific circumstances

 

[purpledahlia]

I rekon any age gap will work really, its individual to the family, theres 7 years between me and my sister and we get on really well, i get on better with her than my brother and hes only 14 months younger. Its up to you and your family will adapT! theres no rules and no age that works better than another!

 

[puddingqueen]

my 1st daughter is 16.........baby daughter no 2 due in 15 days.

xxx

 

[costgang]

my daughter is 12, my son is 6 in october and this one is due in august

 

[Nic1107]

My DH's siblings range in age from 23 to thirty-something... and then their 9-year-old sister! She's very spoiled but she's a sweet kid; I don't think the age difference had any adverse effects. As for my family, I'm 24 and my older siblings are 28, 30 and 32... and we have a 6-year-old brother and a 9-year-old sister. My oldest nephew is actually older than my youngest brother! The only sibling I grew up with is my 17-year-old brother, and even the 7 years between us could be considered a pretty good gap. We fought a lot, since he was a bratty little brother, but we're actually pretty close. There's no real rivalry between us since I'm a lot older, and I can give him good advice that he sometimes actually listens to; he tells me a lot more than he tells our parents.

All in all, I don't think a big age gap is a bad thing at all. We turned out mostly normal

 

[angela43]

My daughter is 14 -- and I am expecting a baby in Feb. I personally am comfortable with this age gap -- and that is the message I am sending to her.

If you yourself feel uncomfortable with a large age span (i.e. it is "mean"), maybe it isn't right for you?

I am a planner too! I can totally relate to your question!

 

[steffi2]

My kids 2 kids have 4 year gaps between them. Now with the baby on the way the gap will be 5. I waited and had a hard time conceiving the last one. It took a year and a half and I am 38 going on 39. It seemed so easy conceiving the first two and was surprised it wasn't happening with this one. We needed clomid this time. I think if you are still young and don't have a problem conceiving then go for the big gap.

 

[louise1302]

ive done both, my first 3 are really close in age and i felt like i didnt have time to give them the attention they needed but then i went 9 years between kai and archie and its great i have loads more time for him as the older ones are more independent and can help me out around the house, when theyy can be bothered

 

[lemily]

My brother is 26, I am almost 22, my little sister is 15, my little brother is 10 and the newest (surprise) addition is 9 month old Lydia.

Its quite nice to be spaced out as you are the only one in that stage at any one time.

 

[Angelicous]

Thanks everyone! I was also concerned. I signed up as TTC (and had decided to reomve my coil) but I'm now back to WTT.... My kids are 6 & 4 and I was worried about leaving a gap but your posts have been very helpful xx

With big age gaps is it still a brother/sister relationship, or are the older ones more like mini parents? (I don't mean makingthem babysit - I mean how does it make them feel?)

 

[angela43]

This is a great question -- I haven't been there yet, so I don't know for sure but...

I do have a friend who has a brother 18 yrs her junior. They were much more in the parent/child role early on, but now that he is late teens, it is much more a sibling relationship.

I hope that is how it is for my older daughter, and this new baby.

 

[jackiea85]

There is a big gap between myself and my sister, I am 24 and my sister is 9, and I think as long as you get your older children involved with new babies when the time comes, they will be fine. I remember my mum trying to get me excited about my little sister, she sent me shopping for baby clothes with my friend (must have looked quite odd thinking about it now, I was 14). The only problem with myself and my sister is the distance, my parents moved 1.5 hours away when I was 18 so I really don't see my sister much any more, I had her for a week in the summer holidays x

 

[lemily]

Thanks everyone! I was also concerned. I signed up as TTC (and had decided to reomve my coil) but I'm now back to WTT.... My kids are 6 & 4 and I was worried about leaving a gap but your posts have been very helpful xx

With big age gaps is it still a brother/sister relationship, or are the older ones more like mini parents? (I don't mean makingthem babysit - I mean how does it make them feel?)

When the age gap is more than about 14-16 years, you start to become mini-parent territory but this does disappear as they get older.

Back to my situation, my older brother, me and 15 year old sister are like normal siblings. We also all grew up in the same house together. By age 16 my brother moved to be with his dad, and then Alister (ten year old) was born in my Dad's house. I was 12 when he arrived, and older brother was 16. I don't see Alister very often, but when we do we play a lot though I do sometimes feel like I am looking after him, more than I ever do with Sarah (15 year old).

With Lydia, I was there when she was born, and for the first 2 and a half weeks while my mum recovered from her C-section I did everything and anything I could especially when my mum got a severe infection and was rushed back to hospital. I have a really close bond with Lydia, but I also am 22 and live several hundred miles away. I make it up normally every month and am interested in her care, but am very aware (and glad) that I am not her mother. I look after her to my mum's rules (which are not necessarily what I think is right, but it is my mum's judgement and I will do as she wishes). Now she is growing up, I am glad I have taken a step back as it was very intense in the beginning. I think I may have an incredibly strong bond with her as she grows, but whether its more sibling or parent-y I don't know.

All I know, is that regardless of full-blood, half-blood, whether I lived with them as a family or saw them at weekends, I love all my brothers and sisters fiercely and talk to them all regularly even though we don't always see eachother. I would do anything I could for any of them, and we don't fall out that often (apart from me and my older brother - see what being closer in age does? He's the only one I argue with lol).

I wouldn't have my family any other way.

 

[lozzy21]

There is 19 years between me and my youngest brother, i moved out when he was 6m old. Some of my family have made joke's about him having 3 parents. If im having him for the night/day, I go where i want with him, feed him what i please, i dont have to ring my mam and ask can he do ,this can he eat that. Also if both myself and my mother are there and he is misbehaving and i notice it, i disaplin him, my mam dosent step in.

I am the first person she askes to babysit. I could probably even offer to take him abroad for a week and she would jump at the chance lol

 

[AP]

no way, thats not mean!

my sister is 6. my brother is 21, i am 23. and it is the best experience ever!

Although my bro(who still lives with them) is a slightly mini-parent, whereas i am the big sister that she looks up to