Birth Certificate - pros and cons of FOB being named

[purpledahlia]

I don't want to deny her the right of knowing who her dad is

kids can still know who their dad is without being on the Bc...

 

[expecting09]

I don't want to deny her the right of knowing who her dad is

kids can still know who their dad is without being on the Bc...

Yeah I'll tell her about him obviously, but I don't want him to lie etc.

He IS the father at the end of the day, no matter what he has or hasn't done, and it's LO's birth certificate. I know if it was the other way round and I was LO growing up I would want my father on my BC no matter what happened, unless it was very bad

 

[purpledahlia]

Kids dont tend to question their parents on who their parents are tho, LO will believe you anyway showing them a peice of paper wont really mean much to them untill theyre teenager's, in which case they can know and understand everything. Remember if you go down csa route and have to do dna tests, you will have those results to ' proove on paper ' who the babies dad is.. Its about the equal rights for me, im just trying to keep my baby safe and with people who WANT and care for her. but like i said earlier, its individual to each circumstance and case. I just know of a few people who put their babies dads on it and now its their biggest regret.

 

[McLovin]

if I had a choice I wouldn't be putting my FOB's name on there

 

[purpledahlia]

you do have a choice! its your baby!

 

[McLovin]

I live with him though, there's no way I'd be able to get to the registry office with out him knowing - and there'd be hell to pay when he finds out. I can't just put the phone down on him etc. he's there all the time

 

[annawrigley]

I dont trust the FOB, hes not going on.
When do kids ever see their BC?! im 23 and never seen mine, neve occurred to me to want to see it.. i dont?
Baby will know her mum and her dad.. she doesnt need to see her BC and if she does for a future carreer i will explain to her my reasons of not putting him on. She will understand.

I use my Birth Certificate all the time. I had to take it to school for a group passport when I was 11. When I left home at 17 I used it to apply for my marriage license, to open a bank account, to apply for a mortgage and for renting a house. I also needed it for two passport applications and I think for my provisional drivers license. They are commonly used, and most people will look at theirs at some point.

i agree, i have had to use mine a lot xx

 

[xxannxx]

My ex's name isn't on birth certificate, as he was completely unreliable during pregnancy, and quite unstable, and was worried about him having same rights as me. I don't really think it will matter to my LO in long run whether his name is on it or not, he knows who his father is, and unless ex decides otherwise will have a relationship with him.

 

[lou_w34]

My ex is not going on either, but its not too spite him or even because i hate him. I think anyone who does that is cruel.

My ex is extremely unrealiable, he hasnt been here through this pregnancy at all, he has done nothing. And im terrified of the thought that if i died, or became seriously ill, he can come down and take her two hours away from my parents, and there is nothing i can do about it.

I also no that he will not be there after she is born, so i dont think its right that i will have to ask his permission to take her on holiday ect. He was also the one who said that if i had her, i would be ruining his life. He cant even be bothered to come to scans/appointments when i ask him, so i doubt he would even bother to come sign it anyways.

If however he has a change of heart, and somehow manages to show some maturity, he will go on it when i trust him. As long as the baby knows who his/ her dad is then a piece of paper should not matter.

 

[purpledahlia]

He can always be added, but never removed.

 

[lou_w34]

Exactly

 

[babybaillie]

As LO gets older u will have to use the BC more frequent. I had to show my LO's to school. Then for passport. So when ur wee one grows up and needs a passport which is every 10 years she will see it. Plus i need a disclosure done for work. so far had 4 done and need my BC for this. I would be quite upset if father was blank. but i no what ur saying.

with me my Lo's dads on it. But we have another baby due soon, and i have considered not havin his name on it. but the thought of her growin up with that part blank would make me feel guilty, that id done it for a selfish reason on my part ie him not havin as many rights.

when u said if his name was on d BC and u were takin ill and he took baby and wouldnt b stopped i dont think this is d case. When my LO was 5 months i was hospitilized with post natal depression and when i was being taken to hospital i was asked if i wanted my baby to be left with her dad or for them to take her off him and given to my mum. and we lived together and his name was on BC. I had no problem with him looking after her, but if i had by the sounds of it he couldnt have done anything about stopping me deciding where she went. hope this helps a little

 

[purpledahlia]

Well he could just technically come up and take her, whether or not you say, since hes joint parental rights. if i was unconcious my parents couldnt stop him, neither would the courts, as he would be on the BC.

It depends where you live, where your from, and all the rest, i was born in SA and have a british passport, yet ive never needed my BC for anything. We've also lived in 4 diff countries and moved house constantly, and ive never seen it for use at schools or anything, not even trips abroad. So it really depends. I dont believe you def need it for lots.. ive never needed it. Plus.. id be doing all that stuff for her.. why would she need to see it.

I also had a CRB done for work as a nanny and in a school, basically an in-depth police check and didnt need it. passport is enough ID.

If you trust the father, then theres not an issue, But if you dont.. you dont know what hes capable of.. its damage limitation really.

 

[purpledahlia]

sorry, i seem to have taken over this thread, i just am v interested in it as ive done a lot of reaserch with my parents on the subject. I feel quite strongly about my decision thats all.

 

[annawrigley]

my mum just sent me this text about it, might be of some use:

"See www.adviceguide.org.uk. 1) It looks like you can leave father's details blank; you have sole parental rights; you get no maintenance; child has no information about its father. However, think father can get court order to be named. 2) You can go together and include father's name and both share full parental responsibilities and rights; Child Support Agency can require him to pay maintenance."

I think its already all been said here but just throwing that in

 

[purpledahlia]

yep your mume right anna, but you can still get maintenence thru csa if he is not on the BC. Just takes a bit longer, its easier if he is on it just because he cant deny parentage and ask for a dna test.. but you def can still get maintenence without him being on the BC (my friend does, her babys never met her dad and she gets more than £50 a week- took about 5 or 6 months to sort out)
Also child only has no info about the father if child doesnt see the father.. If fob wants to see baby then baby will still know its dad.


Its good to have a thread like this, so people undecided can see diff experiences before applying things to their own situation. i think anyway,

 

[Lexi's Mummy]

As LO gets older u will have to use the BC more frequent. I had to show my LO's to school. Then for passport. So when ur wee one grows up and needs a passport which is every 10 years she will see it. Plus i need a disclosure done for work. so far had 4 done and need my BC for this. I would be quite upset if father was blank. but i no what ur saying.

with me my Lo's dads on it. But we have another baby due soon, and i have considered not havin his name on it. but the thought of her growin up with that part blank would make me feel guilty, that id done it for a selfish reason on my part ie him not havin as many rights.

when u said if his name was on d BC and u were takin ill and he took baby and wouldnt b stopped i dont think this is d case. When my LO was 5 months i was hospitilized with post natal depression and when i was being taken to hospital i was asked if i wanted my baby to be left with her dad or for them to take her off him and given to my mum. and we lived together and his name was on BC. I had no problem with him looking after her, but if i had by the sounds of it he couldnt have done anything about stopping me deciding where she went. hope this helps a little

my LO's bc doesnt show my name or unknown father. its just as valid x

 

[babybaillie]

Thats the abreviated BC then. They dont always acept that. When my kids started school, they only wanted full BC's

 

[teal]

I don't really have a choice when it comes to the birth certificate. I'm in a situation now where my ex can contact me but I can't contact him.

He said some really horrible things towards me and the baby when I refused to have a termination. I wouldn't have wanted him named anyway.

 

[teal]

I don't really have a choice when it comes to the birth certificate. I'm in a situation now where my ex can contact me but I can't contact him.

He said some really horrible things towards me and the baby when I refused to have a termination. I wouldn't have wanted him named anyway.