Birthday Break-up:(

[fairydreams]

Hi ladies can I join you here, me and OH broke up today, and it's my birthday, things haven't been right for a while and I think I have just been burying my head in the sand trying to make my marriage work.
this morning it all came to a head when we had yet another row and he ended up hitting me, I walloped him one back and told him that I'm going for a shower, to pack his stuff and leave and if he is not gone by the time I'm done I will be ringing the police to get him removed.
I came out and he was sat there with ds on his knee as brazen as anything, I feel terrible for ringing the police on him but I NEEDED to do something to show him it wasn't acceptable, they came and told him that it sounded like it was six of one and half a dozen of the other but because I had reported the crime they had to make sure he left,they didn't arrest him but told him if he came back today he would be, he gave the kids a great big kiss and cuddle good bye and was in tears when he told me he cared for the kids sooo much; he then looked me straight in the eyes and asked if this is what I want, I told him NO but it's what we NEED iykwim?
More to the point I feel like a complete failure that my I haven't been able to maintain my marriage with him for just a year, yes he has been through a lot and yes he can be a brilliant dad, but surely is it too selfish for me to want to deserve better for myself?
when the police came he told them a completely different story to what I had told them and made me look like a right twat, saying I had woke the kids up with the radio, the children had been awake since 5am ffs!
I know he's gone to tell his family now so they will probably have some things to say about how I haven't handled it well etc and then i'll have it from my side of the family, telling me the ever so not helpful 'I told you so!'
how do I get past the next few weeks without him trying to turn me round but still get him on board to see the children and how do I survive being on my own.
what a shit shit shit birthday

fairydreams

 

[Miss_d]

You done the right thing ringing the police, are you sure this is what you BOTH want, as he didnt sound too sure when he left cos he asked you if this is what you want, maybe yous need a break, living apart and start getting back what yous used to have, i hope it all works out for you. x

 

[gemabee]

don't feel bad nd u are definately not a failure.
any man who hits a woman deserves to be shown the door... nd if ur family (or his for that matter) take his side when he physically abused u... they're not worth sh*t!!

xxx

 

[billy2mm]

there is no excuse for him hitting you at all. yes you hit hm back and that was wrong but you would not have had to do that if he hadnt done it first.

you did the right thing calling the police hun. if he did care for the kids that much he wouldnt have hit the mother of his kids!!

 

[xxfluffyxx]

you did the right thing!! SERIOUSLY!! 3weeks ago I finished with my fob.He was a jerk,calling me names,putting me down etc! and makin me feel really bad about myself telling me I had no purpose!...in a row he badly sprained my wrist,I ended up in hospital for an xray and im 8months pregnant,I too didnt know whether or not to involve the police(even though my mam said it wasnt on!!)so I tryd contacting him to speak about it instead...no response,I left him 4 days to see if he would show he was sorry etc and he didnt! one of these days was my 21ST BIRTHDAY!! ...I didnt hear a thing,not even a text message! I sat looking out the window waiting for him sure he wouldnt let me down on such an important day,checking my phone every 10seconds! NOTHING!!! anyway the next day I went to the police and made a full statement.YOU DID THE RIGHT THING!.....for you and your children! dont worry about his family(they will take his side but fuck them) A liar ALWAYS trips himself up! besides the police see this time and time again and could probably see right thru him and his pathetic show of affection with the kids in front of them b4 he left! I kow its hard but just remember he did this to you on your birthday! and yes you will feel guilty for involving the law,I did,I questioned myself over and over again if I did the right thing as I dont need the stress etc at the moment! He will probably try and manipulate you into thinking something else happpened or you were in the wrong but DONT LISTEN!! mine told me the police would laugh at me obviously because he was scared! no man should ever raise there hand to a woman..EVER! you will get thru this! i stiill find myself crying every day and hoping things will be sorted out! you need to find someone you trust and hang onto them 4 dear life for help and support! also you will be amazed how many nice helpful ladies are around here in a similar situation! (im new to this and think its great!)...Im proud of you for ringn the police it shows your not gonna take no SHIT from a coward who hits a girl!!

 

[fairydreams]

Thankyou ladies, i think that's why he cried as he didn't expect me to ring the police on him iykwim? one of the officers told me it wasn't right for me to hit him back and I told him I knew it wasn't but I wasn't going to show him i'm willing to take that off him, he kept saying to the officers aaah im sorry officer you know what women are like? and then the male officer went yeh I do but something must have gone off for her to have reason to phone us(the police)....they made him take an overnight bag and leave his keys and my mum came over..........I ended up having to go to the shop to get some milk and he was waiting around the shop, came straight over to me giving me a hug and telling me he is sorry and that we need to talk I told him to get off me and that I had nothing to say to me........everyone was already staring at this point because the area where we live in isn't a place where people have PDA's!
he then went up to the house again to pick his bike up when I got back I told him, the police said if you was here again they was going to arrest you, so are you going to leave by your own accord or do I need to ring them again? then saw that the cheeky git had took his overnight bag back in and got my dd to put it in the kitchen for him.......does he really think im that soft?!!!
I know which friends he goes to and they go to work at 5pm so he will probably be hanging round here when he goes to work so Im taking the kids for a walk, double bolting the doors and leaving his bag outside, maybe then he will realise I meant it.
the officer rang me back to do the risk assessment on the phone and I know you ladies will understand when I told her I felt the atmosphere just 'go' and I'm planning on enjoying the rest of my birthday with my children.

fairydreams

 

[billy2mm]

i hope you did enjoy the rest of your birthday and he took the hint and buggered off!

 

[fairydreams]

Thankyou billy2mm, he did bugger of for the night in the end but then the non stop phone calls started and how he is sorry he loves me,etc turned my phone off for the night and switched it back on this morning to 5text messages saying he wants to talk how he has woke up feeling ill and he don't need the stress his wife is giving him??!!!

is this man for real??!!!

p.s my dd made my day yesterday, I took them a walk through a country park before going home and she picked me the loveliest bunch of wild flowers up

fairydreams

 

[billy2mm]

Thankyou billy2mm, he did bugger of for the night in the end but then the non stop phone calls started and how he is sorry he loves me,etc turned my phone off for the night and switched it back on this morning to 5text messages saying he wants to talk how he has woke up feeling ill and he don't need the stress his wife is giving him??!!!

is this man for real??!!!

p.s my dd made my day yesterday, I took them a walk through a country park before going home and she picked me the loveliest bunch of wild flowers up

fairydreams

awww thats lovely!! have a from me and my boys too!!

as for you giving him stress?!? what planet is he on? he did this to himself not you. my ex was all about himself too as in "you are going to take me to the cleaners" and "why are you doing this to me?" erm you broke my feckin rib at 5 months pg and you are verbally abusive to me and ds1 so why would i hang around after ds2 was born when i had a chance of freedom?

they are selfcentred arseholes!!!

 

[sweetbaby]

I'm sorry you are having to go through this especially on your birthday. So Happy Birthday I know it's not. But just think about it this way, next year your birthday will be much better, because nothing stays the same, everything has to change. So I hope you will be encouraged, and trust that you made the right decision. Children should not be in a hostile environment, it's really not good for you or them. He sounds like he has some real issues and he needs some professional anger management and seek some help for his acts of violence. I was in a abusive relationship for years, mental, emotional, and some physical, so I understand. Just hold your head high and know you are a beautiful person and that good things are ahead for you and your children. You have to get to the other side of this mountain, I will be praying for you and your children, and please continue to reach out to others for support and realize you are not alone and there are others who have been where you are and have survived. Take care of yourself......

 

[fairydreams]

He asked if he could come round to see the children earlier I said yes but only for half an hour as they have had a long day, so he came round asking if we could talk now and i told him not with the children here he said he wanted to come see them not try to manipulate me;came round and the conversation turned to 'us' whilst the children played in the garden and he's trying to say I hit him first and that he was acting in self-defence? when my ds was born I was put on ad's for PND, i was doing a university degree, raising two children and running a home and it all became too much iykwim; yet he seems to think its a gateway to 'convince' me i'm obviously not right as if he's trying to make me believe different to what originally happened iykwim?
then when he realised I wasn't budging on the issue, started with the age old threat that probably most other men use, 'fine then but if you want me out your life for good realise I will be moving to london / some other faraway imaginary place so won't be seeing the kids everyday like I wanted to'; to which i replied thats fine by me if you cant be arsed to see the kids as often as you can like go through the ends of the earth to see your children your obviously not worth their time anyway. it was horrible when he went in the taxi,dd was crying her eyes out for him, I just told her he was going to his friends for a drink but I know that excuse will wear thin soon, what do I tell a 4year old? ds on the other hand couldn't care less?! lol

gonna have to go now as the children are waking up but thankyou for your advice ladies and thanks for your prayers to sweetbaby

fairydreams

 

[fairydreams]

Hiya ladies, I just wanted to give you all a huge for your kind and supportive words, Im glad I found this site, it really has been a godsend and you are all so lovely.
Just wanted to send you a little update,we have talked and we do want to still be together but we are on a break atm if this makes sense?
I told him under no uncertain terms is he to even consider moving back in until he / we have been to and or relate and anger management classes. To me it was so serious that I feel I have no choice but to be living on my own right now.
The children have been little darls and they have loved having their little outings when daddy comes over and I'm still getting sorry presents

I wasn't sure if this was still the right thread to post in and sorry if it isn't I just wanted to thank all you ladies for being there

fairydreams

 

[Miss_d]

Thats great to see yous are sortung things out really happy for you, and dont regret a thing, you done what you thought was best. I hope everything sorts itself out i really do, good luck

 

[SRTBaby]

Fairydreams, you are such a strong woman. Even if you get back together he would have learned his lesson, i wish most women would stand for themselves instead of letting men abuse them. I think you just took a big step towards creating a better future for yourself.