Birthday Parties

[missbabypo]

What's your opinion on kids birthday parties?

It's been in the news about only inviting people if you can invite the whole class. I think that's stupid. Kids won't get on with everyone in their class so why force them? Not to mention the amount it would cost!

I heard a mum complaining today that there has been 2 parties her daughter hasn't been invited to (not including my sons party) and she doesn't think its fair......sour grapes? The parents have always given the invites discreetly to other parents so as not to hurt the kids feelings so why would it be an issue? Riley wasn't invited to these parties either but it doesn't bother me in the slightest

 

[OmarsMum]

For me if it's a big party either invite everyone or no one from school especially when they're still very young. At the age of 7+ he can choose who he wants to invite from school & he should do it without publicly announcing it to everyone in class.

I'm not so bothered about birthday parties, when we get invited to parties it's based on my relationship with the parents, they don't really care if my son gets along with their kids or not, but once he's older he's the one who will he invited not us as most parties for older kids are without parents.

This is why I stick to close friends & family parties as he's still very young to "invite" friends from school to his party

 

[bumpy_j]

It depends on the size of the party - I feel inviting 2/3rds of the class can probably be quite hurtful to other children, but if you can only afford to take a few children out, I don't see the problem?

 

[Foogirl]

There are schools which have this rule, but I think it is ridiculous. If I want to have a party (which I don't!!) and invite a few of her friends, then I'll do that. I wouldn't be up for hiring a venue and paying through the nose to have kids there who she doesn't play with (or even like)

I have no problem with Abby not being invited to a kids party if she's not a friend, why should she be? If there are parents who are inviting practically all of the kids in a class and only leaving a few out, then the school wont have their troubles to seek with them (or with the child!) We are far too protective of children from learning life's lessons. Not every child is a winner just like not every child can go to the party.

 

[missbabypo]

Riley is having a build-a-bear party and we can only afford having 10 children. 2 spaces are taken up by him and louie, another 2 are his out of school friends (my friends children) which leaves him with 6 friends from school he can invite. He picked 4 to begin with and then decided on who else he wanted to invite. It was up to him who came and had nothing to do with which parents I got on with. We have now said he can have another 2 people (have managed to save money on his presents) but there is no one else that he wants to come. I am not going to force him to invite people just so they don't feel left out though

 

[kit10grl]

Hmm. I see what they are trying to achieve. We had some proper mean kids in our class in primary. There was one boy whose family was pretty badly off. The popular kids never invited him to anything, and they would make a show of not inviting him. The whole look at me handing out my invites oh wait I don't have one for you then they would run off giggling. They did the same with xmas cards and crap like that too. He probably felt pretty bad about it. So yes I can see trying to avoid situations like that. So if it was a big party I would make sure he invited everyone as I think allowing that kind of thing to happen only enforces the group culture of oh well u didn't invite him so I wont either and leads to even more cliquey-ness. It only takes one kid to break the mould and invite him along and then they might find they actually like him.

But in the other situation where its a small party that is costing money per head then no I don't think it should be forced to have everyone attend. And as the kids get older it should definitely be their choice who to invite.

 

[Larkspur]

Personally I think that the maximum number of kids at a birthday party should be no bigger than the child's age, so I certainly wouldn't be inviting a whole classroom.

That said, I can see what they're trying to do, but surely energy would be better focused on encouraging children/parents to be sensitive about birthday party invites (or pulling them up when they're being dicks), not trying for inclusion by force. That's never going to end well.

 

[kerrie24]

I wouldnt invite people whom lo didnt play with or speak to,and I wouldnt.mind if li didnt get invited to someone elses party because tjey had invited the people their child is closest to.

 

[Pearls18]

This got a bit misconstrued in the press, I believe the story stemmed from a school of which the headmaster implemented a rule that said unless every child in the class was invited, the invitations should not be handed out at school or in the playground but in their own time (I think they said that sometimes teachers are expected to give invitations out?! So this was to stop too unless everyone was invited) I think this rule is fair enough, obviously the school don't want to deal with what could be children feeling left out, and think it's reasonable to expect parents to sort out the invitations in another way. The school obviously can't say what a parent can and can't do in regards to who comes to the party.

 

[hel_5]

We have this at DD1s school, but it's a country school, there are 19 in her class and the girls invite all the girls (10) and the boys (9) invite all the boys, I like it, they also say not to do party bags and to limit presents to €5 - it's nice all the mums do the same sort of thing (2hr party at your house) I don't feel that I have to 'keep up with the jones's' all the kids in there class get on well, but this fits in with the school xx

 

[lindseymw]

This got a bit misconstrued in the press, I believe the story stemmed from a school of which the headmaster implemented a rule that said unless every child in the class was invited, the invitations should not be handed out at school or in the playground but in their own time (I think they said that sometimes teachers are expected to give invitations out?! So this was to stop too unless everyone was invited) I think this rule is fair enough, obviously the school don't want to deal with what could be children feeling left out, and think it's reasonable to expect parents to sort out the invitations in another way. The school obviously can't say what a parent can and can't do in regards to who comes to the party.

What if you don't socialise with any of the parents? I have Joshua's Birthday coming up in December & I haven't got the foggiest idea of who the hell all of the parents are! I have no idea where they live/mobile numbers or their names. I know Joshua's friends' names but I would be buggared if I had to contact the parents "in my own time."

 

[Pearls18]

This got a bit misconstrued in the press, I believe the story stemmed from a school of which the headmaster implemented a rule that said unless every child in the class was invited, the invitations should not be handed out at school or in the playground but in their own time (I think they said that sometimes teachers are expected to give invitations out?! So this was to stop too unless everyone was invited) I think this rule is fair enough, obviously the school don't want to deal with what could be children feeling left out, and think it's reasonable to expect parents to sort out the invitations in another way. The school obviously can't say what a parent can and can't do in regards to who comes to the party.

What if you don't socialise with any of the parents? I have Joshua's Birthday coming up in December & I haven't got the foggiest idea of who the hell all of the parents are! I have no idea where they live/mobile numbers or their names. I know Joshua's friends' names but I would be buggared if I had to contact the parents "in my own time."

Well then I guess the parent just has to find a way, I see their point, that horrible moment a child is handing out their invites in the playground, all the kids getting excited and one child stood aside watching on. Ok I know it's the real world, but I don't blame schools for not wanting it on their property because it'll be the teachers that are having to deal with upset children. In this day in age it really isn't that difficult to pass information on.

 

[lindseymw]

This got a bit misconstrued in the press, I believe the story stemmed from a school of which the headmaster implemented a rule that said unless every child in the class was invited, the invitations should not be handed out at school or in the playground but in their own time (I think they said that sometimes teachers are expected to give invitations out?! So this was to stop too unless everyone was invited) I think this rule is fair enough, obviously the school don't want to deal with what could be children feeling left out, and think it's reasonable to expect parents to sort out the invitations in another way. The school obviously can't say what a parent can and can't do in regards to who comes to the party.

What if you don't socialise with any of the parents? I have Joshua's Birthday coming up in December & I haven't got the foggiest idea of who the hell all of the parents are! I have no idea where they live/mobile numbers or their names. I know Joshua's friends' names but I would be buggared if I had to contact the parents "in my own time."

Well then I guess the parent just has to find a way, I see their point, that horrible moment a child is handing out their invites in the playground, all the kids getting excited and one child stood aside watching on. Ok I know it's the real world, but I don't blame schools for not wanting it on their property because it'll be the teachers that are having to deal with upset children. In this day in age it really isn't that difficult to pass information on.

Whilst I do get the point of upset children, but it can be very difficult to pass information on. I work, so it's not usually me that drops Joshua off (Grandparents). On the odd occasion I have dropped him off I have noticed it's not always the same person dropping off the child (at a guess, either Grandparents or Childminder). So it's not as simple as "passing information on." You literally have no idea who the hell you are passing the info onto.

Whilst I would not expect the Teachers to hand out the invites, I will be passing out the invites at the start/end of School day to the children. I will try to do it so no other children notice.

 

[Pearls18]

This got a bit misconstrued in the press, I believe the story stemmed from a school of which the headmaster implemented a rule that said unless every child in the class was invited, the invitations should not be handed out at school or in the playground but in their own time (I think they said that sometimes teachers are expected to give invitations out?! So this was to stop too unless everyone was invited) I think this rule is fair enough, obviously the school don't want to deal with what could be children feeling left out, and think it's reasonable to expect parents to sort out the invitations in another way. The school obviously can't say what a parent can and can't do in regards to who comes to the party.

What if you don't socialise with any of the parents? I have Joshua's Birthday coming up in December & I haven't got the foggiest idea of who the hell all of the parents are! I have no idea where they live/mobile numbers or their names. I know Joshua's friends' names but I would be buggared if I had to contact the parents "in my own time."

Well then I guess the parent just has to find a way, I see their point, that horrible moment a child is handing out their invites in the playground, all the kids getting excited and one child stood aside watching on. Ok I know it's the real world, but I don't blame schools for not wanting it on their property because it'll be the teachers that are having to deal with upset children. In this day in age it really isn't that difficult to pass information on.

Whilst I do get the point of upset children, but it can be very difficult to pass information on. I work, so it's not usually me that drops Joshua off (Grandparents). On the odd occasion I have dropped him off I have noticed it's not always the same person dropping off the child (at a guess, either Grandparents or Childminder). So it's not as simple as "passing information on." You literally have no idea who the hell you are passing the info onto.

Whilst I would not expect the Teachers to hand out the invites, I will be passing out the invites at the start/end of School day to the children. I will try to do it so no other children notice.

I think that's fair enough, I think this particular school was trying to get away from the party kid stood in the middle of the playground saying "and YOURE invited, and YOURE invited" if you know what I mean. Not bringing bad memories back at all haha.

 

[Bex84]

As pp said head teacher said just not giving ivitations out at school and personally i dont disagree. With the classes i have taught its heart breaking to see just 1 or 2 children left out and it been shoved in their faces. The school is not saying invite everyone its saying be discrete about giving invitations out rather than your child handing out invitations and then telling a child they arnt invited. If you dont have contact via phone give invitations to teacher or teaching assistant and ask them to put in book bags. I dealt with so many sobbing 4-7 year olds as they had been left out.

 

[vaniilla]

This is a school local to us, they pride themselves on basing their school life around a caring christian ethos and feel that this would make some children feel excluded and counter what they are trying to teach children, they are also an independent prep school with very small class sizes so it would be much more noticeable if a few were left out.


Forgot to say the article I read said that all parents are given each others contact details, this is a brief version of it https://www.thisisbath.co.uk/School...tory-19930062-detail/story.html#axzz2i4LpphTs

 

[Piper84]

What's your opinion on kids birthday parties?

It's been in the news about only inviting people if you can invite the whole class. I think that's stupid. Kids won't get on with everyone in their class so why force them? Not to mention the amount it would cost!

I heard a mum complaining today that there has been 2 parties her daughter hasn't been invited to (not including my sons party) and she doesn't think its fair......sour grapes? The parents have always given the invites discreetly to other parents so as not to hurt the kids feelings so why would it be an issue? Riley wasn't invited to these parties either but it doesn't bother me in the slightest

One headteacher of a private school has banned pupils handing out invitations in class unless every member of the class is invited https://metro.co.uk/2013/10/14/its-your-party-but-only-if-the-whole-class-can-come-4146215/.

I can see the sentiment behind it as you get some nasty kids making a show of not inviting certain kids. My parents told me to give everyone a Christmas card in class and not leave people out and I would do the same with my kids.

I like to think I'd have my kids' friends' parents' contact details so this problem didn't come up.

 

[bluebell]

I do understand where they're coming from with this but it's impractical. We had my LOs 5th party recently and if I'd invited all the children he plays with there would have been over 40 children invited This would be very expensive and totally impractical. In the end we agreed he could invite 17 children, so with him and siblings that came to 23 children which cost over £150 by the time we factored in party bags, cake etc... He had 11 from his class there, all children he's very close to/plays with and meets up with outside of school. I did feel bad for the children who were not invited but I did explain to him about trying to be diplomatic. Thankfully he's very empathetic by nature so he understood he shouldn't make a big deal of it at school.

xx

 

[Tiff]

I agree with not handing them out at school. Claire got a birthday invite the 2nd week she was in school... I didn't even know who this kid was. We ended up not going as it was on a weeknight and between my husband and I working it was too tough to get there.

As a kid, I can remember not being invited to parties. It did make me feel sad. I don't think I should've been invited though if I wasn't wanted there. Of course, that's my adult mind thinking... at the time I was quite upset and hurt about it!

 

[JASMAK]

We have...until about grade 2. Its really not much more. We rented a whole pool and all kids, parents and siblings came. It was the same price for 8 kids to go to a softplay party. I dont think its a big deal tho, if you dont. The problem is, kids usually tell all the kids anyways, siblings want to come, parents usually sta at that age. You end up with a big crowd regardless.