Bit of a rant about FOB - need to know if I am right or wrong?

[Dezireey]

FOB called me yesterday to say that he is leaving his job and moving away. I say 'good for you' and then ask about the maintenance payments he is making for our son. He says' can't you just be happy for me? I have had a hard life with no support from anyone' (he doesn't talk to or associate with his parents since he was 4 years old) Why do you have to make my life more difficult than it is?

So in other words, because he is homeless and his car got vandalised......then it got stolen and he hates his job etc etc (for those that know my story, FOB is a compulsive liar of the highest order, difficult to know one day from the next what is fact and what is fiction) then I am harassing him and making his life a misery. This from a man who, when I got pregnant, to get me off his back, told me he had a dead son that died age five that he looked after (all lies, the son is alive and with his mother somewhere) and he couldn't cope with a child. The drama that follows this man is endless and relentless.

I have got back in touch with CSA today and basically asked them to change the way in which I get money (not directly from him but through them and / or his employers) I have just had totally enough of him, really I have. I said to him, how the hell did we end up like this? One minute we were in a 3 year relationship, things were going well and he was good to me and didn't lie, the next, this evil man appears and ever since we have been at loggerheads.

He plays the victim so well, some days he even gets me thinking how bad I am for even bothering him about our little son. He basically believes that because I kept him then that is my problem and nothing to do with him. He NEVER talks about him in texts or calls, won't even say his name. Like, he is pretending as best he can that he is not here, that he doesn't exist. How can someone do that? I used to think that one day he would think back about all this and totally regret what he has done but nuh, I see that this man will never do that. He is delusional, mentally ill and is so out of touch with reality....I can't begin to explain his reasoning.

Sorry for rant girls but this man seems to believe that because he has a hard life then he shouldn't be expected to be responsible for a child?? Am I being unreasonable?

 

[fairydust87]

Er no. You didnt make your son on your own so why pay for him on your own. Theres always some sob story but hes a father and its time he started acting like one x

 

[Dezireey]

Thanks hun. I try to explain to this man that you can't have it all your own way. You can't expect to leave a woman with a child AND not pay for your kid on a regular basis on the principle that its just not what you want to do.

There's tons of things in life a lot of us would like to opt out of ( working, paying bills etc) but we don't because its irresponsible and does us no favours in the end. I am exhausted trying to make him understand that if you leave a baby, you still have to pay child support. He doesn't get it. CSA will make him 'get it' when they enforce payments now.

 

[lemontree12]

hey Dez havent been on in a while so just popped on to see what was going on with you girls... OMG that man does not change does he. i totally think you have done the right asking the CSA to change the way of payments. thats exactly what i do, and honestly its the best thing i done. no drama what so ever and i recieve the payments the same date every month.
that man has came out of this very easily, infact he takes no part in either of his sons life, he needs bringing back to reality with a big bump.

hope you and little man are during good x

 

[Dezireey]

We are both doing good, each day gets slowly better and I only see a positive future, not a negative one anymore ( if its just me and LO then lovely, if I meet someone new, that's lovely too, so it can only go those two ways, which is nice isn't it?)

FOB is just miserable in his life (so he says) so karma has got him already I think. Can't think of any woman in the future who would want to stay with him now (no money, lies, two kids in the background that he will never mention but they may find out about one day, a shitty personality, selfish, no empathy for others etc etc)

He said to me yesterday that he hates arguing with me and doesn't want to fall out with me. I just said that he is totally unrealistic expecting a single mother to back off him when he doesn't help out and opts out of child support. I don't want to argue either?? but this twit pushes me into a corner, emotionally blackmails me and then expects me to always put him and his problems first before the welfare of my child? he is nuts and he doesn't even get my reasoning. In fact, he doesn't get any sort of reasoning from me whatsoever. He is delusional and I am convinced that the only lie he hasn't told is that he had a brain injury, cos he makes no sense at all.

Oy vey, rants are good sometimes! I'll be glad if LO just turns around in the future and says something like 'nah, he left us, I don't care about him, our life is good Mum, lets get on with it'. I will breathe a sigh of relief then and the past will be left behind truly for good, cross fingers that is what happens.

 

[WantingABubba]

Sounds like my FOB so much (baby isn't born yet though). I'm so sorry, it's hurtful and anger-inducing, isn't it? *hugs* xxx

 

[Jade--x]

He should be paying for his son end of. Really angers me when men refuse to pay and try to get around paying. You're definitely not wrong for expecting that x

 

[Dezireey]

This guy is insane!! - I have just discovered YET ANOTHER lie today... WTF is his problem, seriously??

In the last two conversations we had he said (in July) that his car had been vandalised and the whole door taken off etc etc. Then he text me again beginning of August saying his car had now actually been stolen. ( I started to get suspicious as no-one is this unlucky). I took it with a pinch of salt and he just kept moaning about it. Anyway, today I look on a local website to see how much prices of cars are in the freeads as I am now thinking of selling mine....lo and behold, there is his car, for sale and it has been updated in the last few days too by him with his number and details etc. The car looks normal, no damage and its been for sale since July.

I mean, I am glad we are not together anymore but I just don't see the point in him lying to me now about a stupid car? Its not like I asked him about it nor is it up for sale for a huge amount of money. I still don't get what this man is doing. I am convinced he needs help or therapy or something.

 

[Ceejay123]

This guy is insane!! - I have just discovered YET ANOTHER lie today... WTF is his problem, seriously??

In the last two conversations we had he said (in July) that his car had been vandalised and the whole door taken off etc etc. Then he text me again beginning of August saying his car had now actually been stolen. ( I started to get suspicious as no-one is this unlucky). I took it with a pinch of salt and he just kept moaning about it. Anyway, today I look on a local website to see how much prices of cars are in the freeads as I am now thinking of selling mine....lo and behold, there is his car, for sale and it has been updated in the last few days too by him with his number and details etc. The car looks normal, no damage and its been for sale since July.

I mean, I am glad we are not together anymore but I just don't see the point in him lying to me now about a stupid car? Its not like I asked him about it nor is it up for sale for a huge amount of money. I still don't get what this man is doing. I am convinced he needs help or therapy or something.

Wow... Disgusting compulsive liar. Sounds like he's trying to get you to feel sorry for him so that he doesn't have to pay child support x

 

[babycrazy1706]

no way!! you are so right!!