Bit of a weird/silly question...

[pradabooties]

So I've been with my OH for 8 years and somehow I still don't know how to approach this topic of conversation with him... This is sure to seem silly to some, but my partner never ever takes any photos of me with my daughter. This is only an issue worth posting about to me because growing up I had hundreds of baby albums and my favourite thing has always been looking back at my baby / family photos with my parents.

If things continue the way they are all the photos in my daughters family photo album will be of her alone or her with her dad. I constantly take photos of my OH with our baby to capture little sweet moments of them together for them to cherish when she's older and it makes me a little sad that my OH isn't considerate enough to think to ensure the same for me. She's 3 months and he has countless photos with her and I literally have 3 (besides selfies with her lol!). And the 1st was taken by a hospital staff member right after she was born (when I was being stitched up so not the nicest photo... I had a very traumatic emergency c-section) - I was in hospital for a week after and he visited us every day and obviously I was there holding our newborn and he never thought to take a photo whereas even in my drugged up state I took plenty of them in hospital. the 2nd when over 6 weeks postpartum I pointed out to my friend in front of OH that I didn't have any photos with her besides the surgery photo (my friend was very shocked so I think OH then realised he should take one, obviously that realisation didn't last). The 3rd I just got fed up and asked him to take one of her and I after I spent a good 10 minutes taking photos of them together and he somehow made me feel sort of awkward about it.

I know it seems silly... But it makes me sad to think there won't be proper photos of her and I and it also upsets me that he isn't caring enough to realise that. Especially since I so often take photos of them and he clearly loves that and appreciates it and I don't know how to bring this up without sounding like the hormonal breastfeeding new mum that I surely am?! Haha. I'm sure if I just said "I'm sad I have basically no photos with our baby" he will think it's on a dumb superficial level and not realise and consider that it's important to me for long term reasons. My OH struggles with seeing his shortcomings so if he realised and felt bad about it be would likely brush it off as me being silly to avoid feeling guilty. I'm not sure how to approach this? I don't want my daughter to have no baby photos with her mother to look back on

 

[MindUtopia]

Why not just ask him to take some photos of you? I don't think you have to approach it from the perspective of "I think you're insensitive and inconsiderate that you never spontaneously think to take any photos". He's probably tired and overwhelmed just like you are and I'm assuming he's working, so he realistically doesn't have as much time at home with both of you so probably taking photos isn't the first thing he thinks about when he walks in the door. But unless he's a big jerk, he surely wouldn't refuse to take a photo if you asked him, right? Just make a point of bringing the camera with you everywhere in your bag on the weekends and ask him to take photos in certain places for you. I don't think you have to make a big deal out of the fact that you're upset you don't have more photos, just start making sure you pointedly ask him to take some from now on when you want them. Honestly, I don't have many photos with my daughter (and she's 3!) but it's because like you I'm usually the one with the camera (as I'm usually the one carrying the bag with the camera in it). I did try to make a point of asking more when she was younger, but now that she's old enough, she actually gets mad if I request a photo with her so it's much more challenging with a toddler! I would just make the most of it from here on out and hand him the camera and tell him to do it.

 

[pradabooties]

Thanks for your reply. We normally take photos on our iPhones so it's not even like I'd need to bring a camera haha. My OH does work but has 3 full days off and sleeps a solid 10-12 hours every night so he's definitely not tired lol but you're right he definitely doesn't think of it. But I think that's a good point I should just try to get in the habit of asking more so I don't feel weird asking... Which I do just because so much time passed then the one time I asked him to do it he sort of made me feel uncomfortable. Not like he would ever refuse to do it but sort of like he momentarily realised he'd never thought to do it for us and maybe felt a glimmer of "oh shit my bad" that quickly went away lol, my OH gets very uncomfortable/defensive when he even feels a hint of "I should feel bad about this" so it was sort of awkward and that's what I'm trying to avoid

 

[Take2]

Omg I could have written this! Actually I have to thank you because I just handed my husband my phone and told him to read your post and told him I totally related to what you had written and really empathised with what you said! I was only just looking through old photos of DD2 today and was sad realising how little there are of us together that aren't selfies but heaps with him in it. And now DD3 is 5 weeks old and we are heading down the same path!!

 

[pradabooties]

Omg Take2, I'm glad to hear you did that! I hope my post has helped him realise and he'll hopefully take more of you now I think it's really important and it is quite hurtful that our OH's don't think of it themselves

 

[SpringCrane]

I have far, far fewer photos with my boys than my husband does. He does take a lot of photos of them, but almost always without me in them... or when I look a mess or am doing something awkward that he finds hilarious. I don't think I have a single pregnancy photo of my second, and I only have some of my first because I requested them on my due date in the nursery. I have none of my time in the hospital with the second either. Sad, really, because you can't get those moments back.

However... I hate having my picture taken! I do not photograph well! So even if he did take some, I'd likely hate most. Though, if he did it frequently, there'd be more chances of ones I like!

But, you asked for advice, not commiseration! Do you have a baby book started? Maybe start there? "Oh, look, we don't have a photo for the 'Mommy and Me' page--maybe next time where are visiting/doing X you could snap a quick photo?" Just to bring it up again? Or you could sit him down and preface it with, "I know this is going to sound silly, but it's important to me, and it would bring me a lot of joy to have some photos to look back on." Don't mention the opportunities missed or that you take loads of him, since he's sensitive to criticism.

You'll kick yourself later for realizing your lack of photos this early on and never doing anything about it. Good luck!

 

[bbbbbbb811]

I have one lot of pictures that my OH has taken of me and my LO and I hadn't even thought about it til now, but I have hundreds of my OH and our LO. When our LO is older and looking at the albums she'll think I just popped in once to see her in her first year when really I'm a SAHM and I look after her every day lol. But I don't think my OH thinks of it the same way I do, I see a moment of them two and think that's lovely let's capture it whereas my partner doesn't, he just enjoys it in the moment and doesn't think to take a picture of us playing or cuddling etc!
But just ask him to take a picture, you don't need to say it's a problem but maybe if you ask him enough it might become a natural thing in the end

 

[noon_child]

I have hardly any of me with my daughter either. In fact I have pretty much none to show I have ever been on holiday with my husband, lived in the same house as him etc. I wanted loads of me glowing and pregnant and he took two awful ones the whole pregnancy. Tbh it only occurs to me afterwards that the photos haven't been taken as I'm too busy enjoying to moment (which is the most important thing) but it does piss me off that I try to take photos of him and he doesn't reciprocate. Our daughters nursery kept asking for a family photo for their display and I realised we didn't have a single shout of the three of us together so made my Mum take one when we went to stay; she was 3yrs old!

 

[Zephram]

I don't see why you can't just ask him to take a photo? I think you're over thinking it a bit, some people just aren't in to taking photos but they're not consciously not taking photos, it just doesn't occur to them. If something is happening that you want a photo of, you just say to your OH, "Here's my phone, can you take a photo of us?".

My OH doesn't think of it either, but I'm not hurt by it, it just doesn't occur to him. If you're hurt that he's not offering to do it, talk to him about it and say you'd appreciate it if he takes some pics now and then - but you will still have to remind him as heaps of people are just not big picture takers.

 

[laura109]

See when my lg was newborn my oh managed to get plenty of pics of my baby belly and. Wearing scruffy comfy clothes with my hair scraped back. Now he rarely bothers too and i do selfies alot with my lg.

I am a very sentimental person and want to remember everything but oh is not as bad as me.

Men aye lol xx

 

[button05]

I would just ask him to take photos at particularly times x

 

[CRWx]

I would just ask him, some people just don't think to!

All my pictures with my little girl are selfies because it's just me and her! xxx

 

[Smanderson]

My DH has always been a bit like this and it really upset me in the beginning and I now look back and see lots of photos of my DS alone or with DH or selfies of me and DS in those early weeks. BUT I did decide to say something to DH and he said he thought I didn't like my photo being taken so that was why. In truth this was true but once DS was born I wanted photos for memories and like you i used to love family albums. Anyway, once I said something DH got better for taking photos, not perfect but better. I still remind him from time to time to take pics of me with DS too but overall I'd say it was worth that conversation so he knows how you feel and you will feel a little lighter for saying it

 

[xLaura]

My OH doesn't take any photos either. Seriously if you look through his phone all his photos are of boilers and pipe work (he's a gas engineer) I don't even know if he even has any of our 7 month old apart from the day he was born and the I think he only took 1 or 2.

I only appear in photos with the boys which I've taken myself. I just think it's sad that he doesn't want to have any photos of his boys but has a phone full of boilers! Ok he has to take the photos for work but can delete them once he sent the office but he likes to keep them if he's done a good/neat job! I often find him looking through admiring them haha! The boilers I mean ... Not the boys!

 

[pradabooties]

Men are crazy!!! Thanks for the ideas ladies, worth a shot haha

 

[cupcaker]

I dont think they "think". I have to ask about photos, mine are not little babies now but it's still the same. I just know from experience now that he's never going to glance over at me and the kids together and think "aww!" and snap something!

So I do have to ask. He will take some of the kids by themselves off his own back but I can't recall any time at all he has wanted to snap me with them!!

Wish I'd had a few more in the very early days so get asking x

 

[jstarr]

I get what you mean, but I don't think men (not all) are generally as sentimental or consciously sentimental enough to realise that if they don't take these pictures there won't be any. So just mention it, it's not a big deal and it's not like it's being done on purpose, probably just needs to get into the habit of taking them.