Boss making me feel like shit

[AK89]

This is my 2nd day off sick because I've got bad RLP and was told by my midwife to rest, and my boss is just being a complete dick about it.

It first started when I ended up in hospital on Monday night, so I texted him giving him a heads up that I MIGHT not be able to make my 2-8 shift the next day. His response was "Well let me know asap 'cause the only person who'd be able to cover is Mark and he'd be doing a 6 day week". No "Hope everything's OK" or "Feel better soon". Then I texted him twice the next morning, once to say I felt fine and that I'd be in in the afternoon (when I'd JUST got out of bed) and then one 20 minutes later saying I was in pain again but I'd just dose myself up on painkillers and be there. No response whatsoever. When I got in work, there was no mention of the fact that I'd been in pain/in hospital. I was quite clearly in a fair bit of pain throughout my shift, and he completely ignored it, even asking me to do things like sweeping and doing pots (which involves lifting big trays of pots into and out of the dishwasher).

After my 6 hour shift I was in agony despite taking regular cocodamol, so I rang maternity triage back to speak to the midwife and she told me to rest for at least 24 hours and to book an appointment to see my community midwife as soon as possible. So I texted my boss to tell him I wouldn't be in the next day. Got no response whatsoever yet again. I had to text someone else from work to check he'd heard that I wouldn't be in just so I'd know he'd seen the text.

I tried to do as little as possible yesterday, I just did a little bit of light housework, and even that left me in pain so I texted him again to update him and let him know I wouldn't be able to come in today too. No response again..

I'm already feeling guilty about the fact that I'm not working, even though I have a genuine reason for it! I feel guilty for losing out on money, I feel guilty for leaving them in the shit. No matter how much people tell me not to feel guilty, I do. And then I've got HIM making me feel ten times worse. It's so annoying. It just goes to show that no matter how genuine your reason, and how well you think you get on with your boss, they're always gonna think the worst of you when you have time off. I think it's ridiculously insensitive of him! I wish I didn't care as much and I could just have some time off to rest up and get better without all this guilt, and think "well if he's being a dick about it I care even less about the fact that he's gotta go to all this trouble to cover all my shifts." But I know that it's not just him that's having to go to the trouble, it's the other people that are having to do extra shifts to cover me, and I can't help but feel like they all hate me a little bit more every day off I have. Again, I wish I didn't care, but I do!

Also I'm starting to think, how long is this gonna last?? Is it gonna be something that will go away so long as I rest? Or should I just man up and go in 'cause this is what the rest of my pregnancy is gonna feel like?? Has anyone else had RLP bad enough that they've had to have time off work before? And did it get better?? I'm starting to go a bit stir crazy just sitting on the couch watching TV already! Which makes it even more annoying 'cause it's like, I'd actually rather be in work earning money! I'm just feeling a bit crappy and the lack of response from my boss is making me feel ten times worse

 

[LoveBubble]

Oh I'm so sorry to hear ur boss is such a ginormous nob head!!! He is being ridiculous!!! And the fact you're pregnant means you should 100% be cut a bit of slack... I know some pregnant ladies take the piss and that's why people then become like "oh she's pregnant - not ill!" But u have a real genuine reason to be off... And as ur so far along I thought he would have had more sympathy but obviously not... And the fact he requested u do the tasks u mentioned when he knew u had been in hospital and he knew u had been in pain just shows what a pig he is! I don't really have any advise I just wanted to send u some support and love its all about u and ur baby so sod him!! Rest Hun xxxx

 

[Holly82]

Sorry to hear your situation.

Have you thought about calling him instead of texting? He then has to respond, as your on the phone. He shouldn't be ignoring you or making you feel bad, but I know bosses only think of work and not personal situations of employees.

I would really try not to feel guilty about it (easier said then done), but if your not up to it then it really is out of your control. I would take the mw's advice and rest. Xxx

 

[leash27]

First of all, I don't think there is any need for you to 'man up and go in'. If you have been advised to rest then please make sure you do, the health of you and your LO are the most important thing right now. I understand its hard when you know your colleagues are probably picking up the extra workload in your absence but that's not your fault and I am pretty sure if it was the other way round and you were covering for a colleague who was ill then you would understand. Besides, it is the responsibility of your boss to have some kind of contingency in place to cover sickness so thats not on you.

With regards to him ignoring you, do you think it could be because you are communicating via text rather than speaking to him directly? The reason I ask is because I work in operational management myself and I have a strict no texting rule. I know it may sound a little old fashioned but I prefer to speak to my employees face to face or via phone, I find this works better particularly if there is an important issue to be discussed. Given that there is only so much you can explain in a text, it may be worthwhile giving him a call and going over what the MW had said and how you're feeling etc It also means he can't ignore you too.

X

 

[Brightxeyes]

Call your HR and complain about him. He would be I a. Lot of trouble making a pregnant woman feel bad when she has been advised to rest, in pain, and continuing to let you do manual labour. He should have insisted you stay at home and rest the first day.

If this was my job, they'd flip a lid if I miss a dinner break!

They take it very seriously. They'll have a word with him. You shouldn't have to tell him to be professional. Never feel bad.
Rest!

 

[DocMcStuffins]

I don't know if RLP is anything like SPD but I had that in my last pregnancy from around week 28 and was so severe I ended up on crutches. I was having weekly physio sessions and was just in total agony. Thankfully my work were really accomodating. I worked in a prison where you aren't normally permitted to drive your car through the grounds, but they got me a permit so I could drive right to my office and park there rather than walk through the grounds to get to it.

I knew it wouldn't go away until after the baby was born so just struggled through. No chance of me getting rest at home anyway as I had a toddler too. I ended up being signed off work at around 36 weeks with it.

I knew I'd suffer again this time as once you've had it it will come back, but it started at 16 weeks this time! I'm already struggling so much but I just don't get to rest what with 2 kids at home. My work are being great but I'm already way worse now at nearly 23 weeks than I ever was with my last.

I can see physio and crutches happening soon.

Hope you feel better soon. I'd also complain to HR about your dick of a boss.

X

 

[AK89]

Thanks for all your replies/sympathy!

I know what you mean about the texting thing, but we've got a very 'texty' relationship! We're quite informal at our work.. We always just text each other. He's never mentioned an aversion to texts about sickness. I know other people that have done it and he never pulled them up on it.. Also the only reason I texted rather than ringing is 'cause I first texted him about MAYBE not being able to come in, just as a heads up, and he just told me to let him know, so thought a further text would suffice! Also, I just thought if he wants to start being funny about it being in text, he can let me know and I'd be more than happy to ring up. I just know what he'd be like if I rang him and it'd make me feel even shittier! He's got a really bad phone manner.

I know, I definitely agree with needing to rest 'cause that's what the midwife suggested, but she didn't specify how long for! That's why I keep feeling like I should just go back in anyway and "just man up" like I said.. but I know that if this was my pregnant friend coming to me asking for advice in this situation I'd tell her to stop being stupid and put her feet up! I just hate the idea of them all being like "Oh she's just taking advantage and being lazy"..

I think I might ring maternity triage back later for some more advice on what to do about going back to work. It's really hard to tell 'cause, because I've just been resting, I've not really been in pain, so I don't know how I'd feel if I actually went back in! Also, as stupid as this sounds, the fact that I'm NOT in pain is adding to the guilt as it's making me feel like I'm just making excuses not to go in!

To be honest the more I think about it, the more I think "Well fuck him for behaving like that, he can deal with my absence for as long as I feel like and I'll just stay off 'til I see fit"! But it's more the way it's impacting other people who are having to cover my shifts that makes me feel bad. And THEN I think well fuck them too, 'cause with at least one of them, he's meant to be my actual friend as well as colleague and he's not sent one text asking how I am!

I just wish I could get in to see my midwife earlier. If I wait 'til Monday which is when the next available appointment is (and when I'm booked in) I will have already had to have 5 days off..and I suppose I just want some reassurance that I'm doing the right thing having time off! And that it will help, and this pain isn't just something I'm going to have to deal with 'til I leave (in 6 weeks)..

And Brighteyes, unfortunately it doesn't really work like that at my work as it's just a coffee shop and not an office or anything like that so I don't even know who I'd get in touch with about complaining about his conduct! And to be honest, the only thing I'd be able to tell them is "He's ignoring my texts and generally being a bit arsey" which I think I'd just feel stupid saying! Especially since, according to official company rules, you're not supposed to text in sick..

 

[lillylollypop]

I too have very bad RLP, plus some bad hips. But im a dog walker so calling out is not option. However, I've worked in an shift environment, I kinda get where he's coming from. Yes, your pregnant. But your on the schedule, they are counting on you. How long will the pain last? Who knows. But if you can't make your shifts, you should quit. I think it's unfair to keep calling out. And I get it, most people don't understand how hard it is to be pregnant and work a physical job. I do, I walk over 5 hours a day bending over, getting pulled and being exposed to the elements. It sucks, It really does. But you need to decide whats be for you and your coworkers. Sorry for being blunt. its just another outlook on the situation. He should have some compassion, but most men don't. My manager is a man too. I feel like kicking him in the nuts every time he says something idiotic pertaining to my pregnancy.

 

[immie]

I'm really sorry about this, this is awful! My best friend is currently 12 weeks pregnant and had LOADS of time off due to sickness, she was really worried that her boss would be getting really frustrated with her but luckily her boss is really nice and told her that if she's off due to pregnancy related illness then she still entitled to full pay, because otherwise it counts as sex discrimination. So just to pick up on the part where you said you feel guilty about not earning money, well you should be... to my knowledge anyway! Please make sure you speak to someone who can make you clear on your rights in terms of pay because many companies don't inform you of your rights so they don't have to pay you full pay! Good luck, I hope the situation improves for you very soon xxx

 

[USAFWife319]

I'm so sorry!!!

I was almost fired from my job because I was put on 3 day bedrest with my first pregnancy that I miscarried. They threatened my job because "they have a business to run" I understand that but when I have doctor's orders I'm going to follow them. There was no I'm sorry or do you need anything. I went back to work the next Tuesday because I had a D&C Monday and they acted as if nothing had ever happened. Didn't try and help with my workload or anything. I didn't even tell anyone after I found out I was pregnant this time until a little while after. I started showing at 6 weeks so I had to tell sooner than I wanted.

 

[RaspberryK]

They shouldn't be asking you to do anything so physical as that, I have been excused from pretty much all jobs except for serving customers and light duties.
Do be aware though that if you have time off sick related to pregnancy later on in pregnancy (can't remember how many weeks) they can just start your maternity leave early and refuse to have you in work.
Xx

 

[leash27]

I too have very bad RLP, plus some bad hips. But im a dog walker so calling out is not option. However, I've worked in an shift environment, I kinda get where he's coming from. Yes, your pregnant. But your on the schedule, they are counting on you. How long will the pain last? Who knows. But if you can't make your shifts, you should quit. I think it's unfair to keep calling out. And I get it, most people don't understand how hard it is to be pregnant and work a physical job. I do, I walk over 5 hours a day bending over, getting pulled and being exposed to the elements. It sucks, It really does. But you need to decide whats be for you and your coworkers. Sorry for being blunt. its just another outlook on the situation. He should have some compassion, but most men don't. My manager is a man too. I feel like kicking him in the nuts every time he says something idiotic pertaining to my pregnancy.

I totally disagree with this! Why should OP have to quit her job because she is not currently fit for work? There is a possibility that she may feel up to going back in a week or two, there again maybe not but either way she shouldn't have to quit her job! Pregnant women have rights and her employer should ideally be looking at ways to amend her job role/responsibilities to try and facilitate a return to work. As I have already said, I do disagree with the texting and if the company policy states that texting in sick isn't acceptable then you need to watch your back and hope he doesn't try and get you in trouble for not following procedures. That said, if the pressure on your colleagues is so great then he should be contacting you to establish the details of your ailment and how best he can support you or bring in temporary cover.

I currently manage over 100 employees in a multi site retail business so I know what a nightmare it can be when people are off sick but that's life and I believe you should always treat others how you wish to be treated yourself. I suspect OP's boss is being paid a higher salary than she is as it is his job to deal with absence, staffing levels etc

OP I hope you feel better soon!

X

 

[lillylollypop]

I too have very bad RLP, plus some bad hips. But im a dog walker so calling out is not option. However, I've worked in an shift environment, I kinda get where he's coming from. Yes, your pregnant. But your on the schedule, they are counting on you. How long will the pain last? Who knows. But if you can't make your shifts, you should quit. I think it's unfair to keep calling out. And I get it, most people don't understand how hard it is to be pregnant and work a physical job. I do, I walk over 5 hours a day bending over, getting pulled and being exposed to the elements. It sucks, It really does. But you need to decide whats be for you and your coworkers. Sorry for being blunt. its just another outlook on the situation. He should have some compassion, but most men don't. My manager is a man too. I feel like kicking him in the nuts every time he says something idiotic pertaining to my pregnancy.

I totally disagree with this! Why should OP have to quit her job because she is not currently fit for work? There is a possibility that she may feel up to going back in a week or two, there again maybe not but either way she shouldn't have to quit her job! Pregnant women have rights and her employer should ideally be looking at ways to amend her job role/responsibilities to try and facilitate a return to work. As I have already said, I do disagree with the texting and if the company policy states that texting in sick isn't acceptable then you need to watch your back and hope he doesn't try and get you in trouble for not following procedures. That said, if the pressure on your colleagues is so great then he should be contacting you to establish the details of your ailment and how best he can support you or bring in temporary cover.

I currently manage over 100 employees in a multi site retail business so I know what a nightmare it can be when people are off sick but that's life and I believe you should always treat others how you wish to be treated yourself. I suspect OP's boss is being paid a higher salary than she is as it is his job to deal with absence, staffing levels etc

OP I hope you feel better soon!

X

Shift work is different though. They only allow the number of employees to hours available for work. If she can't come in, thats burden on other employees who have to work harder till she can work. IF this were a desk job or something, It would be totally different. But the fact of the matter is that its a Shift job in a coffee shop. She shouldn't be doing hard work like that anways. I was a manager in a coffee shop for years, It wouldn't fly in our shop. I'm just trying to play devils advocate here. I feel her pain. I want to call out all the time. But I can't, I don't show up, I loose my job. No ifs ands or buts. It's simple here. But I get it. I have a job I can't call out of.

 

[AK89]

I have to say I disagree.. just because I work shifts doesn't mean it's my fault if I'm off sick and should feel responsible for other people picking up the slack. Although I do involuntarily feel bad, I'm trying not to as there's nothing I can do about it. I don't think I should have to quit my job because I've had to have 2 days off due to pains at nearly 27 weeks pregnant - at the suggestion of my midwife might I add - just so as not to put my manager/colleagues through any further inconvenience. I do appreciate any advice/Input, I just have to say I disagree on that one! And as for "deciding what is best for me and my colleagues".. I don't see why that should be my responsibility. I don't think I should have to take into account how my actions may impact on each of my colleagues when deciding whether or not to go into work in pain. I highly doubt they would all do the same for me in this situation.

And as for the "she shouldn't be doing hard work like that anyway" comment, trust me, I wouldn't be if I could avoid it! Do you think I've got a queue of better job offers lined up and I'm just choosing to work in the same shitty job I've worked since I was 18 for the hell of it?! If there was any side to my job that was less physically demanding, or any alternative job available to me at the moment, I'd obviously much rather do that.

 

[MamaLa]

Your boss is being a ass. But from his POV. He's probably aggravated because the people who are covering are giving him crap or he's making promises to them for covering that he can't keep. I've been in the boat where workers are texting me to call out and it's aggravating. I appreciate a phone call not to my cell but to the office it's more professional. He could say I never got a text, and make it look like a no call no show. but if you were to call the place of business he can't say you didn't call at all because you have proof of somebody else who can say you did call.

Also just to be sure that you are covering your button get a note from MD with restrictions or at least proof that you are going through a tough time.

 

[leash27]

I don't see how someone who works a shift job is any less entitled to call in sick than someone who doesn't work shifts? If you're sick, you're sick! I am sure OP would much rather be feeling well and able to go to work than sat at home worrying about any of this.

I honestly cannot believe that some people thinks she should quit her job because she has taken a few days off sick!

X

 

[burrr]

I too have very bad RLP, plus some bad hips. But im a dog walker so calling out is not option. However, I've worked in an shift environment, I kinda get where he's coming from. Yes, your pregnant. But your on the schedule, they are counting on you. How long will the pain last? Who knows. But if you can't make your shifts, you should quit. I think it's unfair to keep calling out. And I get it, most people don't understand how hard it is to be pregnant and work a physical job. I do, I walk over 5 hours a day bending over, getting pulled and being exposed to the elements. It sucks, It really does. But you need to decide whats be for you and your coworkers. Sorry for being blunt. its just another outlook on the situation. He should have some compassion, but most men don't. My manager is a man too. I feel like kicking him in the nuts every time he says something idiotic pertaining to my pregnancy.

I totally disagree with this! Why should OP have to quit her job because she is not currently fit for work? There is a possibility that she may feel up to going back in a week or two, there again maybe not but either way she shouldn't have to quit her job! Pregnant women have rights and her employer should ideally be looking at ways to amend her job role/responsibilities to try and facilitate a return to work. As I have already said, I do disagree with the texting and if the company policy states that texting in sick isn't acceptable then you need to watch your back and hope he doesn't try and get you in trouble for not following procedures. That said, if the pressure on your colleagues is so great then he should be contacting you to establish the details of your ailment and how best he can support you or bring in temporary cover.

I currently manage over 100 employees in a multi site retail business so I know what a nightmare it can be when people are off sick but that's life and I believe you should always treat others how you wish to be treated yourself. I suspect OP's boss is being paid a higher salary than she is as it is his job to deal with absence, staffing levels etc

OP I hope you feel better soon!

X

Shift work is different though. They only allow the number of employees to hours available for work. If she can't come in, thats burden on other employees who have to work harder till she can work. IF this were a desk job or something, It would be totally different. But the fact of the matter is that its a Shift job in a coffee shop. She shouldn't be doing hard work like that anways. I was a manager in a coffee shop for years, It wouldn't fly in our shop. I'm just trying to play devils advocate here. I feel her pain. I want to call out all the time. But I can't, I don't show up, I loose my job. No ifs ands or buts. It's simple here. But I get it. I have a job I can't call out of.

Lillylollypop, I get the feeling you're American? If that's the case, pregnancy and maternity rights are very different in the UK. We have the right to be on full sick leave as and when necessary during pregnancy (for legit reasons only, obviously) and the employer has a legal duty to accomodate that, even if it's for the entire pregnancy. It doesn't matter what kind of work you do (except self-employed, as you don't have an employer), all contracted employees have this right. It's part of the equality discrimination laws in the UK. So telling a UK employee to quit when she has rights and the manager is breaking them by causing her stress about her absences is telling her to allow him to break the law. As far as the burden on other employees, I realise OP feels bad about her fellow colleagues but the burden isn't truly on them - if they are being pressured into doing shifts against their rights, they should be standing up to the manager too and the manager has an obligation to find alternative cover, if necessary in the form of temporary staff or agency workers.

Employment law falls heavily on the side of employees in the UK. From what I gather it is not like this in America, so that is probably how you are viewing the situation. Apologies I've assumed wrongly that you're from the US, it's just how your post read.


OP, keep notes (with dates) of the kind of things he is doing to make you feel uncomfortable. At the moment it's just a bit of bad attitude and while it's not right, I don't think there's a lot you could do against him. I would recommend following policy when calling in sick next time, just because if things escalate, you need to show that you followed policy where possible. Do not go into work and struggle on because he is making you feel bad, like I said above, he can always get a temp in. If things get worse, there are two organisations that might be able to advise you - ACAS and Maternity Action. I think they've both got helplines, so even if you just want to talk to someone qualified in the area to check what you can do, contact them.

 

[Porcelain]

Thanks for your post, Burrr. Without getting political, employees and families get the short end of the stick over here when up against businesses.
If it makes the OP feel any better, after a while after the baby arrives you just won't have the patience to 'feel bad involuntarily' about this kind of BS. I was totally like you before. Now when somebody blows me off like that I'm like "F you." You're not being dishonest or shrugging off your work. It's his problem if he has had employees that were like that in the past that makes him leery of these 'excuses'. You've got better things to care about than making sure the pots are clean. If he's in that dire need I'm sure he can hire a temp (though your co-workers are probably happy for the extra money your hours are giving them!)

 

[AK89]

Thanks for all the advice guys, I really appreciate it

I decided to go back into work yesterday as I felt alright on Thursday, and I thought the only way I'm gonna be able to gauge if I'll be alright to go back in is to try it and see how I get on. It actually wasn't too bad, but I was still in some pain by the end of it, despite trying my hardest not to do anything too strenuous. I think that's just it now basically...my job hurts. I was doing a lot of thinking last night about whether or not it'd be worth going on leave early....so I'm gonna make a whole thread about that now 'cause I'd love some equally good advice on that!!

 

[RaspberryK]

I went on leave at the first opportunity I could even though it was only an office job at the time. So I left 11 weeks before my due date plus took 2 weeks holiday. Best choice I made for me.
Xx