Boyfriend doesnt want baby to have a dummy

[catty]

I always assumed i would buy my baby dummies as every baby iv known has one and just thought it as a normal thing, however my boyfriend is mortified at the thought and since his neice and nephew didnt need he says our baby is defo not allowed.

I dont personally see any issues and since il be looking after him all day i feel it should be more my choice as if it comforts him a little then thats a good thing?

I dont wish to cause a debate about them at all but does anyone have anything i can tell him to make him change his mind

(obviously if baby didnt need one or wasnt interested then i wouldnt give but just incase he is a particularly suckly/restless baby id like some as back up)

Thanks

 

[rowleypolie]

My favorite advice to first time parents is to be flexible. I wouldnt worry too much about what he says is not allowed until bubs is here. No one wants a colicky baby but if it happens you have to adjust. Just tell him he needs to be flexible, everything works itself out eventually.

 

[Katerz]

I didn't particularly want a dummy to begin with, but bought a couple just in case. We have ended up using them on LO as she is a sucky baby. I figure its easier to get rid of a dummy than a thumb or fingers.

He may change his mind at 3am when baby is crying!!

Xx

 

[CottlestonPie]

I really didn't want ds1 to have a dummy. He went without one during the first week until one night when I'd been up for five hours trying to calm down this colicky inconsolable baby... I was in bits, exhausted, upset... So I figured id give it a try. Gave my son the dummy and within minutes he had calmed down and fallen asleep. I felt guilty to start with but then realised that the suckling on the dummy is a natural soothing reflex and sometimes needs must. By about 8 or 9 months old, we found he was only using it out of habit and phased it out and he's never wanted one since.

If you find you are having nights like the one I had, maybe get your OH to take over, then he might change his mind!!

(Also google studies about dummies helping to prevent SIDS. I'm not saying this to scare or force anyone into using dummies... I'm not sure I want to use them all too often... It's just food for thought.)

 

[Katerz]

Just to add my sister is 23 and still sucks her fingers xx

 

[NC_Sarah]

Maybe you could just get one and explain to him that it's just a method that helps soothe some babies. It can go into a drawer if need be just as a backup incase bubs is having a really hard night and then it's nice to know you have one more method up your sleeve to soothe him/her. I have a feeling if bubs is screaming and the paci is the only thing that works that your BF will go straight out and buy a multi-pack

 

[All Girls]

Neither of my two took dummies but if you want to try to get him to be a bit more flexible then show him this. "The American Academy of Pediatrics, who carried out the review of the evidence, already advise that a dummy should be offered every time a baby is put down to sleep" https://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/6229516.stm. Some studies say it can reduce the risk of SIDs.

Do you know once a baby arrives he will realise there are bigger battles than worrying about what other people think regarding his own child and a dummy.

 

[BabyUrq]

we've opted to use a pacifier if needed....i have a niece who is eight years old and still sucks her thumb...she's a girly girl and loves nail polish...well last time we saw her we were painting nails and she wouldn't let me paint her thumb but wouldn't tell me why...i could tell she was embarrassed...i clued in after a minute or two....
both daddy and me agree that it would be better and easier to ween off of a pacifier than a thumb!

 

[Bubsta]

My DD was a very sucky baby. I never wanted her to have a dummy. That lasted til probably day three! Gave in and got her a dummy but we took it away too soon. We took it away probably at 5months so she replaced the dummy with two fingers. She is now 5 and still sucks her fingers. I'll be very open minded with this one. Hopefully he won't need a dummy.... But if he does, he can have it for longer. Much easier to throw away a dummy then have to deal with fingers!

 

[Equreuil]

To each their own, is my philosophy. Some kids simply don't want them... others can't be soothed any other way. I would say have a couple on hand just in case yours leans in the second direction.

My issues with them:

When a mother uses them first instead of taking the time to figure out the problem. my SIL did it even if hers was making happy noises. There's usually a good reason for a baby to be crying and if he doesn't need fed or changed, he probably just needs to be held. It shouldn't be too much effort to try that first.

Also kids 1 year or older still using them makes me cringe a bit. Same SIL, same kid is almost 2 now and constantly had one in when they visited at easter. Given the mom (who cows her kids into submission rather than teach them to actually behave), it may be he's developed a "security blanket" type attachment to them, but in general, I feel like by that age they shouldn't be necessary.

So with that in mind, my personal plan is to use them in moderation, and mostly only if all else fails to quiet him. I would like him to be used to the concept, as I have a thermometer dummy, as well as a medicine dispenser one, that I think will come in handy if he's sick.

 

[Annie77]

I suggest you let the baby latch onto his nipple every two hours for an hour and see if he agrees to a dummy then!! Lol

Seriously though, he may feel he has his reasons for not wanting to use dummies but you also have your opinion. I guess just wait to see if baby would benefit from one and discuss it then (but buy one now and pop it in your drawer)

 

[yoshy]

I'm not a huge fan of dummies either, but I plan on buying a couple just in case. I actually would prefer my kids sucked their thumb like I did (as much as it's true that you can't take a thumb away, I've found that most kids will stop sucking their thumb during the day once they start talking in any case).

I figure if he sucks his thumb, great, if he needs the dummy, I'll have it, but like someone else said, it's a last resort for me, not the first line of defense. I'd rather give him the boob than the dummy if possible.

Also I've read that if a baby is using a dummy, it's likely that your period will come back sooner than if not (which is fine if you enjoy periods, but personally, I'd be quite happy to have another 6-12 months without it ) (obviously there are other factors to this, but I recall this being one of them)

 

[beccaboo82]

I personally don't like dummy's I think they look horrible and a few babies I know have gotten thrush from having a dummy (where they dribble alot) So my 1st daughter never had one. My son was given one (not by me!!) and he refused to give it up until he turned 3 luckily he only used it in the house. My 3rd I was the same as with the others. Don't like them she wont be having one but my in-laws gave her one when they looked after her for a night. I was furious and luckily she didn't want/need the dummy!
If you do end up using one I always recommend orthodontic ones as they mold to the shape of babies mouth. You can't tell my son had a dummy but a lot of other children you can see by their teeth as with sucking of thumbs x

 

[catty]

Thanks for the replies, i think i will buy a few just icase, if there is no need to use them then i wont but from some stories it seems like it can be a good help!

 

[MrsWhy]

The only reason I gave my son a dummy was that he latched onto me on the hour every hour when I was breast feeding but didn't want food, he just wanted the comfort of having something in his mouth. It meant I could get into a regular routine with his feeding.

This was only my experience but with this one, I won't be giving her a dummy unless the same thing happens

 

[cantwaitforu]

I didn't want my DS having one then while we were sleep training him he took to it instead of soothing himself with my nipple (which became difficult to maintain as I had to wean him at 12 months). He only gets them at nap and bedtimes. If he finds one at other times he looks at it and says"bye!"

I agree with an above poster who says to be flexible. Tell your oh that you need to be prepared and it is much easier to take a pacifier away rather than a thumb!

There are a lot of things you will both disagree on - from small silly things to big things - but you both have to do a little research and also trust your instincts as parents that you will only do the best for your baby.

 

[SamsMum]

I don't think any parents want their babe to have dummy tbh - I certainly didn't with my first baby - but you just have to go with the flow and stay open minded. Our son ended up having one as he was so sucky and it turned out to be a godsend at nap times.

If you boyf if really insistent, tell him fine, as long as he stays up to soothe baby if she is wakeful in the night ;-)