Breaking the news to a friend who can't get pregnant

[Nina83]

I have a good friend at work who I've told about my MC and struggle.
She's sweet and caring, and opened up to me as well that they're struggling to get pregnant, I've done the math and it's been over a year.
This isn't something we talk about all the time, just every now and then.
Last time we talked about it she gave me the look and said "you'll keep me updated, right?"

Well, now that I have an update, I don't know what to tell her. I really want to tell her because if something goes wrong, I do want her support again, but on the other hand, I know how much this can hurt, I've been there. She isn't the jealous type, but you never know what really goes on inside the mind of a women who is dealing with fertility issues.

I just really want her to come up to me and tell me she has news and we can share it together. Or the other way around. That would be amazing.

Advice on what I should do? How to tell her?

 

[live_in_hope]

I am expecting to be in a similar situation myself soon...we are ttc and my best friend has not long said goodbye to her baby who decided to cone early at only 22 weeks she lived for an hour, was just awful. Her son and my lo were born within afew weeks so we shared our first pregnancy and it was amazing, then i got preg and miscarried, then she got pregnant and she was born early, now i am ttc again and am so worried about the conversation....I know she wont be able to cope with it....she did say months ago that she would like me to tx her so she can txbk being nice and then let out her true feelings at home (not nice to hear, but i kind of appreciated her honesty)...she basically doesnt know how she will feel but she doesnt want to have to put up a front in person which i understand I guess. Maybe your friend would appreciate a tx? Then she can approach you at work after her feelings (whatever they may have been) would have been experienced/dealt with at home? Xx good luck hunny and congratulations on your pregnancy!! Xx

 

[londongirl]

Nina

You are clearly a very sensitive and sweet person yourself to be so mindful of her experience.

My advice is to go ahead and share with her. I personally found it hurt when people got pregnant first try or shortly after. However, when someone who had had previous issues got pregnant, it gave me a real hope for the future that - if she can get pregnant and she had difficulties like me, then my chances are better.

Get me?

 

[mammag]

Tell her pretty much exactly what you just told us, but geared at her. And tell her firsr, before you tell anyone else that can tell her second hand can tell her, because that can hurt worse than you'd think.

 

[Starry Night]

At least she knows you've struggled too so that will probably make it a bit easier for her to deal with. After my losses I was dreading the pregnancy announcements but knew if my one friend struggling to get pregnant had said she was expecting then I would have been happy for her. It's kind of fickle, but that's how my mind worked. My friend is now pregnant after 2 years of trying but she had to endure at least 3 announcements first, including mine. I am not super close with her so I didn't tell her personally. I don't have any first-hand advice in that regard.

As someone on the receiving end I would say there is no easy or nice way. Just be straightforward and be honest that you're happy about it but don't expect jumps for joy either.

 

[Nina83]

Nina

You are clearly a very sensitive and sweet person yourself to be so mindful of her experience.

My advice is to go ahead and share with her. I personally found it hurt when people got pregnant first try or shortly after. However, when someone who had had previous issues got pregnant, it gave me a real hope for the future that - if she can get pregnant and she had difficulties like me, then my chances are better.

Get me?

Thanks, that really is good advice.
I guess the only reason I'm afraid, is because after my MC, a girl who also went through one and one twin not making it, she tried to make me feel better by telling me how quickly she got pregnant afterwards, and is now so happy, and I'll look back at it one day and won't understand how sad I was.... it just kind of stung and stuck.
I don't want to tell my friend and her to think I'm really telling her- look, I got pregnant, you can too. I know it isn't that easy and doesn't work that way.
I might tell her today, thank you

 

[Nina83]

Tell her pretty much exactly what you just told us, but geared at her. And tell her firsr, before you tell anyone else that can tell her second hand can tell her, because that can hurt worse than you'd think.

Yes, I know, I have to tell her before anyone else, I'm just afraid of hurting her.
I want to do it as gently as possible, and get good news back