:( breaking up with FOB

[kirsteen]

I'm not a single parent, but really need some advice.
I don't want to be with FOB anymore, I feel this over whelming feeling for us to split up. He can be horrible to me.. only last week in an argument he threatened and said if I left then 'who do you think would get Oliver? with your family's record'. I think about things he did before we got together, but I've now found out about and it truly disgusts me sometimes.
There are things he has done during our relationship and I wish I had ended it then, then I'd of had a reason.
The trouble is though, if we break up I'll have nowhere to live, atall. Im technically homeless at the moment as my mum (as of yesterday) has said I can't stay with her. He will try take Olly from me, and I can't have that. And I know he will be very difficult and horrible to me if I have to stay at his. The alternative (asked at housing) is to go to a shelter thing for a few months till I'm housed.. but they are horrible. And not somewhere I want Olly to be.

Sorry I understand this part of the forum is for actual single parents, but have any of you been in this situation? (Added: he can be a great dad, we havent argued today but usually it is a daily thing)

 

[Kate&Lucas]

How long does it take to get housed by the council/HA in your area? When I was leaving FOB I applied in advance (I ended up leaving before I had somewhere but my Mum took me in). Is it worth doing that whilst sticking it out? You can request they don't send any information home and put a mobile number as contact.
There's also something called a rent deposit scheme, where your local council will pay your deposit or have an agreement with the landlord, so you don't have that huge outlay if you are in need of housing fast. I'm not sure if all councils do it but it's worth asking, here's a link about it - https://homeless.org.uk/private-rented-rent-schemes#.UBrprqMWSSo

HTH

 

[kirsteen]

Ive been put on the housing list and they said it could take anywhere from 3 months to over a year Dont know if I can stay that long and also its not fair on him, I feel bad for going behind his back about this anyway. Might hang on for abit, but if not i'llhave to go to a shelter. Thankyou for replying tho xx

 

[resursval]

Ive been put on the housing list and they said it could take anywhere from 3 months to over a year Dont know if I can stay that long and also its not fair on him, I feel bad for going behind his back about this anyway. Might hang on for abit, but if not i'llhave to go to a shelter. Thankyou for replying tho xx

Don't feel bad for him. You have to do what's best for you and your baby and your FOB seems to be the quite piece of work... The advice above is pretty good I think.

 

[babyhopes22]

Dont be scared hun, i had to leave FOB when i was pregnant because he was a violent horrible thug and wud never change. Hes a good dad but with me...well...he was evil. I didnt have to go into a shelter luckily as i saved money to rent somewhere from my pay however there was a womens shelter behind my work and it was lovely and very secure. you have to think, would you rather have temporary discomfort with somewhere your staying in temporarily or permanent depressive surroundings with your other half. From the sounds of it he is a bully and bullies you emotionally like my ex did....its just words trust me, and you havent had problems so far with regards to (your familys past) just because he is there would make no difference if the social were concerned so that threat is nothing but that..a threat. Do what you feel is right, if your unhappy your son will see that. hope thats helped a little hun, stay strong. do what you have to do and dont look back.

 

[loveme_x]

This is very depressing. . Your mom should come through for you no matter what you do or have done. I would have a talk with my mom and just say its temporary, she shouldn't want you to be emotionally abused or her grandchild in a bad place. You don't have any other family? I would definally ask someone, a bestfriend or cousin. I'm sure you have someone that's there for you. Just be strong and have hope and pray (unless your not a christian).

 

[kirsteen]

thanks all, i've been to housing and they said to keep looking for a place and if I havent found one by the 31st they will put me in temporary accommodation.. so still with FOB atm. Thanks for your responses, they've really helped xxxxxxx

 

[Laura2919]

Firstly it properly pisses me off when I hear a man saying 'I'll go for custody' or 'who do you think will get the kids' He'd have to prove that your LO isn't safe with you and what he thinks he just says 'she does this, she does that' and they listen wish someone would slap some sense into these men!!!

He won't get your LO but only you can decide whether splitting is the right thing to do. I knew as soon as I see his text to me that morning that it was now or never. I didn't want to be with someone who made me so sad, so angry, so stressed and quite frankly unhappy all the time. We did have some amazing good times, I still laugh now when I think of some of them but tbh they are memories, they will go wherever I do and when I need them I can draw strength from them.

He'll always be in my heart, I'll always have a love for him because he gave me the best thing in my life, the twins but at the same time we don't have any kind of relationship not a friendship, we don't even talk. I haven't seen him in two weeks and it'll be another two weeks because I was away this weekend so he collected the girls from mums and dropped them back there.

Sometimes you just know what is right and even though it is scary you've gotta do it.

 

[teal]

Agree with Laura, I don't understand what it is with some of them saying they'll take the child etc. It's just another way to threaten you.

Good luck with finding somewhere if that's what you want to do you have to do what's going to make you happy in the long run xx