Breastfeeding finally getting easy just as I feel ready to be done

[jessmke]

Isla turns one in a few weeks and she has finally come out of the distracted nursing phase. I have posted a few times about how since she was about 4 months old she has refused to nurse in public and will only nurse in her bedroom with the lights out and the sound machine on which makes going out anywhere for any length of time a challenge. Well a few weeks ago it seems a switch has flipped in her brain and she is now asking to nurse everywhere, in restaurants, on the beach, etc. Finally I have freedom to go places and not have to worry about getting home before she melts down, but now I feel ready to be done.

I am almost 10 weeks pregnant so I am wondering if maybe this feeling is the start of some breastfeeding aversion. I don't feel physically agitated when she nurses, but I do feel a little pang of annoyance when she asks to like she is being a nuisance. This feeling has come totally out of the blue, I was planning on nursing her through this pregnancy and then tandem nursing until she was at least two years old, but now I find myself secretly wishing that my milk supply will dry up so I can be done. I feel awful for thinking this way and I'm not sure what to do. I am hoping to night wean her soon because I go back to work in a week and I can't keep getting up 6 times a night to nurse her, so maybe when I am getting a bit more sleep I won't feel such irritation at nursing her.

I guess I don't really know what the point is of this post, it's just a confession that I feel like I can't say out loud in real life because it makes me feel like a horrible mother.

 

[Zephram]

You're absolutely not a horrible mother! It happens to a lot of women when they're pregnant. I had to wean my DS1 when I was pregnant with DS2 - I had a horrible aversion to breastfeeding him that came on around the end of first tri/start of second tri. Plus I dried up so much that DS1 got frustrated and bit me instead of latched properly, so it kind of ended up that we were both ready to quit at that point. Mind you he was 26.5 months by the time we finally called it quits, so being older he was quite ready to stop. I think I was nearly 15 weeks pregnant at the time we had our last feed.

If you're want to stop, don't feel bad, you have to do what you're comfortable with. There are lots of ladies here who breastfed through aversion and low supply during pregnancy, so you'll be able to get support if you want to keep going.