Breastfeeding Newborn with a toddler

[c1403]

Hello Ladies
I am currently pregnant with DD2 (due in 4 weeks) and DD1 turns two around my due date.
I didn't succeed in BF DD1 (traumatic birth, managed 5 weeks EBF before turning to formula)
I really want to try EBF again this time round, although how do you manage with a toddler that will also want attention?
I am worried the stress of keeping her occupied whilst feeding round the clock will stress me out and lead me to the formula route again, I would love to make it to 3 months EBF and then 6 months etc etc
OH will be home with us for some of the time after birth and my sister is also coming to stay to help me out, so I am hoping it wont be too bad (and that I have a VBAC so recover quicker).
Any tips on keeping my toddler involved? I have bought her a dolly/crib/changing bag play set so she can 'copy Mummy'.

 

[Night Flower]

Maybe offer the breast also to your toddler

 

[daneuse27]

I like the idea of getting a doll for her to copy with. You could also have your newborn in a sling so that you're more mobile for your toddler. I'm sure it'll work out, my mom did it somehow (without breastfeeding me as a toddler.) Good luck

 

[Larkspur]

I think you just have to prepare yourself as much as possible in terms of having fun little activities for your toddler to do (sticker books worked like a charm for me), steel yourself for the fact that you WILL feel like a crap parent for a few weeks but that things will really get better after a few weeks and it will seem like nothing in retrospect, and relax a bit about things like giving your toddler extra treats like watching TV, having special snacks etc, whatever keeps them happy, really.

I'm three months in and it is SO much easier now. My baby takes about 10-15 minutes to feed, at much more spaced-out times, and is more content to sit in a bouncer / play on her playmat / sleep somewhere other than in a wrap against my chest. My little guy played Endless Alphabet on the iPad what felt like way too much, but now that it's eased up, we're back to having playtime outside and building Lego towers and he seems to have forgotten all about the last few weeks.


It sounds like you have quite good support, so I honestly wouldn't worry. I found two under two a lot easier than I was anticipating. It's funny-not-funny to see my other playgroup friends stressing out about their second ones arriving - I keep telling them "Don't worry, you'll do fine", but know they won't believe it until they experience it themselves.

 

[Mrs HM]

TBH I didn't really prepare at all. I just make sure that everything is safe for my toddler to play by himself and I feed DD right there with him. He sometimes asks me to come look at whatever he is doing and I just explain that I'm feeding the baby and I'll be right there. I do try to get him involved with feeding by asking him to help me rub the baby's back and he's a proud as punch when she burps lol! It was tough for the first few weeks as it felt like I was ignoring him a lot, but now I can see that he's actually a bit more independent than before and doesn't need mummy to help/look/play every two seconds!

 

[Pielette]

It sounds like you have a lot of support which I did and honestly that made everything so much easier.

My husband was off for two weeks, then my mum was off for two weeks, then my husband was off again for another two weeks. So I had six weeks of someone to concentrate on my toddler which was so helpful.

My youngest fed a lot and was extremely clingy, for want of a better word, so the extra pair of hands was a godsend. Yes you'll probably end up using the TV more. Some people prepare a box of special toys that the toddler doesn't get unless the baby is feeding, to make it exciting and something to look forward to. If you have an iPad or something similar you could download som toddler apps. You can also try feeding baby in a wrap so you have your hands free to do puzzles or read books with the older one.

By two months everything started to settle down. It's hard but it's a relatively short period of time. By the time my LO was four months a feed took about 5 minutes and was the easiest thing in the world.

 

[pinksmarties]

I am glad to read this as I was about to post a similar question. However my second one is here and 3.5 weeks old and I am really struggling. Atm ds2 seems to want yo feed constantly (taking 30 mins sometimes) and when he doesn't he is crying lots and is constantly being sick. He won't be put down for more than 2 minutes and despite using a carrier he still doesn't always settle I am really finding it very stressful as ds1 is still wanting all my attention. I have had to put the tv on more than I normally would. There have been times I've contemplated formula as I keep thinking it must be easier with the toddler. Glad to hear it does get easier as I miss the time I used to spend with my son.

 

[Moolia]

I found it tricky balancing this at first but after about 3 weeks things settled down and actually it a probably easier than having to find the time to wash and sterilize all the bottles!
One thing I did/do find though is that it caused dh to spend most of the time with our son whilst I was with the baby so we were in two teams I felt and I did miss the time with my ds. However, this also improved as baby got older and I just made sure I was with ds a lot when baby was sleeping

 

[Itsychik]

I am glad to read this as I was about to post a similar question. However my second one is here and 3.5 weeks old and I am really struggling. Atm ds2 seems to want yo feed constantly (taking 30 mins sometimes) and when he doesn't he is crying lots and is constantly being sick. He won't be put down for more than 2 minutes and despite using a carrier he still doesn't always settle I am really finding it very stressful as ds1 is still wanting all my attention. I have had to put the tv on more than I normally would....

^^ this was me.

I was really unprepared for the amount of stress I would experience trying to balance a baby and a toddler. My DD (infant) is/was really clingy and would SCREAM when I put her down, she cluster fed for weeks on end and always seemed worst at mealtimes, so I would feel really frustrated when trying to give my toddler breakfast/lunch (nevermind trying to eat something myself!) and DS would want more milk but I was bf'ing DD, or she was FINALLY falling asleep and DS would get upset because "In just a minute, Mama is feeding the baby..." because the answer he got to almost everything.

Not trying to be discouraging just to share my experience and give maybe a realistic expectation!

My DD lived in my Boba wrap for the first nearly 3 months of her life (she's 5.5 months now) and the cluster feeding started to drop off by 6 or 7 weeks. It felt like an eternity at the time, but it flew by SO quickly and now it saves me loads of time by being able to just sit down and feed her without having to prepare/clean bottles, etc. Some things I learned that helped me were to have everything I might need within arms reach during meal times (milk for DS, a wash cloth to clean his hands after he finished, etc) so if I was feeding DD I didn't have to get up in the middle of a feed. We also got some new toys for DS, but to be perfectly honest, he just spent hours and hours watching TV in the first couple months because I didn't know any other way to cope. It made him happy and I could sit next to him on the couch while feeding DD so he didn't feel as neglected.

After about 3 months I really felt like I had the hang of things and I became much better at multitasking, and during the summer even took both kids out somewhere special for DS (like outdoor play parks, out for ice cream or a picnic, walk to the store or park) and it got easier and easier to manage both kids at once.

You'll find something that works for you