Briss' story

[CaliDreaming]

So sorry about the disappointing results. Ubiquinol takes a minimum of three months before you start to see the effects so I think it's just a matter of waiting to see the results of all your hard work. It's hard to be patient but it will be worth it if you catch the magic egg.

 

[Pixie2982]

Omg briss, I was always wondering if everyone got they're little sticky bean from CBFM buddies
And I was just noseying around the forums and came across your post and just had to comment and follow

I'm so happy you got your little one but I'm sorry your struggling for your second
But hey, it happened once it will happen again

 

[Jazzbird]

Hello Briss - just stopping by to say hi. Lovely to see you on here again but so sorry for your struggles. We've been trying naturally for a long time for number 2 but not happening. I am slowly accepting we will be a family of 3. I don't want to go down the IVF route ...

Thinking of you! Xxx

 

[Blythe]

Jazz bird how are you? How is your little girl?are you still practicing acupuncture? I think you had returned to it part time?

Hope you are ok

 

[Jazzbird]

Hey Blythe! Yes I'm well. Daughter is 3 now!!! Yes still practicing but thinking of going back to accounting . Mainly because it is more certain income and more reliable hours. I'll probably do that when my girl starts school next September.

How are you getting on with your two kids? I hope you are well. Miss the acupuncture thread now

Sorry for hijacking your thread briss

 

[Briss]

Pixie, so happy to hear from you! and you are pregnant!! congratulations! I just started reading your blog and I am so sorry for all the losses you have had recently, you have so much to give, can't believe you were ready to give up on motherhood for the sake of your partner, you deserve somebody wonderful! wishing you uneventful pregnancy and easy birth and a healthy beautiful baby! are you going to find out the sex of your baby? I wonder if anyone else from CBFM buddy is still trying? it's funny but despite going IVf route in the end it was CBFM that made it happen for me.

Jazzbird, your daughter is 3 already!! wow how time flies I know what you mean about gradually accepting a family of 3, I feel very tired and discouraged by my constant failures so not sure how long I have it in me to carry on. going back to accounting? I was wondering how your act practice was doing. but i imagine it's difficult when income is unpredictable. I do not work at the moment and not having a constant income is starting to bite considering all the IVF expenses. I really hope you will get lucky naturally soon though Do you still take any chinese herbs?

Blythe, how are you? I meant to write to you but there is so much to tell i just can't find it in me to put it all in writing... been going from bad to worse recently with getting immature eggs cycle after cycle and ended up having complete hormonal mess with cycles going for 17-19 days and 8 day LP and ovulations on day 6 had to have a break from natural IVF. am ovulating today but did not go to Munich this time, it's day 11 and the first time i have a normal day ovulation so still need to see what my LP is like. but also i keep thinking what's the point... I had what 8-10 collections so far and only 2 that went to transfer and no BFps. this can't be good.

on top of that my DD has severe tooth decay and needing 10 teeth treated under general anaesthetic we have seen at least 5 dentists and they blame BF and raisins i can't believe this. they all urge me to stop BF immediately. I really struggle to accept this and simply can't go through with the GA thing....

CaliDreaming, thank you I really hope things will improve soon.

 

[CaliDreaming]

I can't believe dentists of all people would blame your daughter's woes on breastfeeding and raisins. That is total crap! I hope you hold firm and stop breastfeeding only when you feel it's best. If you listen to these dentists, they will have you quit and your daughter will still have dental problems.

There are many things that contribute to tooth decay, not just what you eat or how well you can brush teeth. Some people have the bacteria that causes and different people have varying degrees of defenses against the bacteria. So there is a strongly genetic component to it.

 

[Briss]

I can't believe dentists of all people would blame your daughter's woes on breastfeeding and raisins. That is total crap! I hope you hold firm and stop breastfeeding only when you feel it's best. If you listen to these dentists, they will have you quit and your daughter will still have dental problems.

There are many things that contribute to tooth decay, not just what you eat or how well you can brush teeth. Some people have the bacteria that causes and different people have varying degrees of defenses against the bacteria. So there is a strongly genetic component to it.

CaliDreaming, thanks! I also find it really strange that so many children are BFed until thy are much older and eat sugar and fruit juices and are not very diligent in brushing and seem to be OK. There must be something else. My DD had to take AB that's when i noticed the decay actually, but everyone seems to think it's not related. I also agree with you that genetics has a lot to do with it, my teeth are bad and DH's are perfect. it's also possible that i passed her some of these bad bacterial by sharing spoons which is unfortunately something i did when i tried to encourage her eating by example. I have no definitive answer as to why this happened but what worries me is what to do now? DH and I keep arguing cos he thinks we need to urgently fix what's possible as her teeth are breaking into pieces but going through with GA also means she is more likely to lose some teeth that are beyond saving. I personally feel we should just do nothing except to have a very strict routine and no sugar exact for milk and fruit.

It's just amazing how when you give birth everything is set up to encourage BF on demand and discourage bottles and I did exactly that and turns out I ruined her teeth I do not mind stopping BF but it's not easy. all children are different and my DD seems to rely on it a lot. She cries really bad at night if she can't find breast immediately so we ended up bed sharing as this was the only way for me to get any sleep. I can count on one hand the number of night i managed to have uninterrupted sleep, basically not more 3. normally i sleep 1-4 hours between feeds. dentists seem to think that's the main issue is DD has sugar from milk in her mouth the entire night. but i did read somewhere that BF on demand children have more saliva during the night before they feed often and that should clear the teeth. i don't know but it's very distressing. no one would treat her without GA until she is 3-4 years by which time who knows how whether any of her teeth can be saved.

 

[CaliDreaming]

That really is a tough situation to be in. I hope that you are able to save your baby's teeth.

Please don't blame yourself for this as this is in no way your fault and breastfeeding was a good thing for your child. It really does seem that your girl does not seem ready to let go of breastfeeding and I'd be reluctant to stop it even with her dental problems. I think the breastfeeding is just a convenient scapegoat in this case. We all know for firsthand experience that medical professionals often latch on to the "easy" answer even if it's not the "right" answer.

So many women do the same thing as you do and their children don't have the same problems as yours so there must be some other reason.

 

[Pixie2982]

Yes briss, I can’t believe it sometimes as I’ve had no major symptoms, no sickness nothing, I have to look at scan picture to remind myself baby’s there

Have a little bump now(in my mind anyway) everyone is telling me I’m massive already, but can’t see it myself

That’s bad about BF and there has to be other things involved also to be that bad,
but surely it will only be baby teeth she loses and adult teeth will come through eventually? Or not the case? I don’t know about these things really

 

[Blythe]

Jazzbird - i am nearing the end of my ML and returning to work having dithered about it for ages.

Your advice was always so well considered and useful. I very much enjoyed our conversations around TCM and it is such a shame that you cannot make it work financially at the moment. Maybe it is something you can return to when circumstances allow. Being self employed is bloody hard work....i did not think i would return to work for a good portion of my ML but I need to think longer term. I have a really good deal with work and so very grateful for a flexible boss.

I can hardly believe your girl is starting school next year - it does wizz by. I remember reading your pregnancy announcement.

Briss - i am so sorry about your girl's teeth. It is so unfair....some babies are guzzling away on surgery fruit juices and they have no issues at all. It is a worry what they say about the BF. I am still BF all of the time but need to try [only because i will be leaving her when going to work and will have massive boobs] and wean her off but she still feeds alot from me - very hit and miss with food still.

i hate the stress of unpredictable and erratic cycles. It is enough that you have to do IVF but without worrying about changing patterns. But, it is all normal in the grand scheme of things for our cycles to mess up now and then even if you are not used to it. I am keeping everything crossed that things will get back on track as soon as possible.

always thinking about you

 

[Briss]

Blythe, the more i think about returning to work the more i think it's a good idea all around. I do not really want to but i think it's good for me. even going through interview process helped a lot with getting some of my brain back. before starting the process i thought i lost it and won't be able to do complex intellectual work but turns out it can return if you are forced to use it.

I've also decided not to carry on with back to back ECs any more, too much strain on my system. maybe every other month or so from now on.

 

[tryingfornum1]

Hi Briss

I watched your posts silently for many years and am so happy you have a little girl. I was googling something again tonight and saw your post.
I was going through IVF with high fsh and low amh and too have a little girl.
Infertility certainly sucks everything you have out of your body.
Many congratulations again

 

[Briss]

It’s been a while, ladies! Things got very busy once I started my new job. It was very hard to manage full time job as well as regular EC/ET trips to Germany/Czech Republic. My focus was on TTC so not surprisingly I ended up losing that job after about a year. Which incidentally coincided with me getting pregnant (no idea why my pregnancies go hand in hand with redundancies). It was not to be and I miscarried a few weeks later. Seemed like too much to lose job and pregnancy so we went away to get some rest and recover. And what do you think? At the end of our holiday we received an end of tenancy notice on our flat with only 2 months to move out (after 10 years!). Like losing the job and pregnancy was not enough we also had to lose our home. We ended up taking up a gigantic mortgage and moving to a totally different part of London. I do not even know how we did it. For once I was grateful to have DH by my side. I was so stricken with stress I could not even think straight most of the time. It took me a year to get a new job which I hope to start early next year. However, on TTC front things have been rather depressing. I was not able to continue with natural IVF as my cycle changed but more recently things got really bad. I do not think I even have a cycle anymore. In any event after 3 years of back to back egg collections (had about 20!) and stims I feel exhausted and hopeless. My only BFP was after 2 back to back stim IVfs and about 8 months after I stopped breastfeeding. I do believe BF contributed to me not getting pregnant. So many eggs wasted and possibly my last fertile years but my DD really needed it (I ended up BF for 2 years and 2 months!). Don’t’ ask me why I really did not plan to BF for so long but it just felt right for my DD.


My results (or lack of thereof) so far:



2017 (BF)

8 egg collections (all natural)

12 eggs (only 6 of mature and good quality)

2 transfers (both good quality embryos)

BFN


2018 (BF)

7 egg collections (2 stims)

10 eggs (only 6 of mature and good quality)

4 transfers (but only 2 “good” transfers of 1 (natural) and 3 (stims) good quality embryos; other transfers were of delayed fertilization and not optimal embryo development)

BFN


2019

5 egg collections (2 stims)

8 eggs

1 (stims) transfer of a good quality embryo

miscarriage


I do not feel I can carry on like this to be honest, I feel spent. If I had a cycle at least with normal hormone levels and proper ovulation like before I could continue with natural IVF but it’s been around 5 months since I had a normal ovulation. My latest EC was on day 4 while I was still bleeding! It’s all over the place and feels rather hopeless. I think I am going to refocus on my career. This new job might be my last chance to get my career back on track.

 

[Bevziibubble]

Welcome back! I've missed you. You did so well with your breastfeeding journey

Best of luck with your career

 

[Briss]

Hello ladies, I hope everyone is doing OK in these challenging times. So my plan to take a break from TTC to focus on my career is not going that well. I did intend to give it my 100% with no TTC distraction but in fact I am barely at 50%. I just don’t seem to have it in me to work this hard anymore. The frustration of not having a proper cycle / ovulation is overwhelming. I used to know my cycle so well I knew at every moment where exactly I am in my cycle. These days I cannot even use my monitor, cant remember when was the last time I could pick up LH surge. I have no progesterone symptoms which means no proper ovulation. My sex drive is so random, not like the usual build up of steady increase of estrogen leading up to ovulation. Nothing like that it just comes and goes randomly throughout the cycle (if I can even call it that). It ranges from 11 to 40 days. My AF is not as heavy proper flow as it used to be. Probably due to not having proper LP and progesterone levels, there might not even be a proper lining anymore. But despite the hopelessness of the situation I still cant seem to let go, I still think about trying again. I might still have a couple of stim cycles in me. Granted, I’d prefer to have a natural IVF but for that you really need to have a cycle/ovulation. Never mind global pandemic, I’d take the risk to travel to Germany for EC/ET if only that was possible. Am I being unreasonable? Should I let go and stop already? I am going to be 44 soon…

 

[Bevziibubble]

You're not being unreasonable at all

 

[mimi4]

you are not unreasonable at all, a few of my friends have already visited Czech Rep and my clinic in Poland to re-start their treatment. Good luck x