Bro-in-law issues...

[Clueless]

My father-in-law-to-be told us 3 months ago that my only brother-in-law-to-be has assumed that he'll be best man, as he was at my OH's 1st wedding. My OH had already asked one of his best friends last Christmas.

My OH has seen his brother several times since we found this out and despite promising me each time that he'll sort this situation out, nothing has been said.

I would be devastated if his brother ended up as best man as he has started on me several times in the 7 years I have known him (not physically, but verbal red-faced rants 2cm away from me). He also consistently slags me off behind my back to anyone that'll listen.

Why he wants to be best man at our wedding, when he so obviously hates me, is beyond the realms of my imagination. But he rang my OH the other day fishing for his invite and my OH just said that hadn't thought about it yet. He is such a chicken. I do kind of understand though as his bro's more than a touch temperamental.

What do you suggest I do?

 

[Vicyi]

Oh God thats a hard one! Id just tell you BIL that seeing as he was BM at your Oh 1st wedding you both thought id be nice to have someone else do it this time.
Other possible thoughts are having both your BIL and your OH best mate to be BM? x

 

[Clueless]

Your first idea is what I have suggested my OH to do.

The second one is a bit more difficult, not only would it pee me off, but wouldn't it look a bit stupid as I only have one bridesmaid?

I've got all the lads the same tie, groom, fathers, all brothers and a couple of friends. I thought he'd be happy with that?

 

[pinkmummy]

How about getting your OH to tell him. If you too ave problems then he will think that you are just saying it to spite him iykwim.

Maybe ask your BIL to be an usher and explain that you had already asked OH's best mate to be BM at Christmas xx

 

[tansey]

Oh God hun - nothing is easy for you is it! Tell DF to get a backbone - it'll only get harder the longer he puts it off! (sorry if I sound harsh!)

 

[Clueless]

I love you Tans, it definitely sounds like the best suggestion so far!!!

I probably just wanted to know that I wasn't being a complete bitch

 

[tansey]

Hun you've got to remember that it is your day (it always is the brides no matter what people say!) plus your DF has done it once, so even more your day! lol! Don't do or agree to anything that you will look back on and regret. It goes so fast (people will say this to you all the time but it is sooooo true) you have to enjoy it all! (plus you're only supposed to do it once! which of course us good catholics will stick to!)

 

[Clueless]

He even sent my OH a photo of both of them from when he was best man the first (and only hopefully) time recently. He's not exactly subtle is he?

 

[pinkmummy]

Hun you've got to remember that it is your day (it always is the brides no matter what people say!) plus your DF has done it once, so even more your day! lol! Don't do or agree to anything that you will look back on and regret. It goes so fast (people will say this to you all the time but it is sooooo true) you have to enjoy it all! (plus you're only supposed to do it once! which of course us good catholics will stick to!)

Totally agree with that! Its your day you dont want to look back and regret it! xx

 

[aly888]

could you not get your FIL to be to bring it up? or has he assumed that the BIL will be best man too?! it really should be down to your OH though...if he has already asked a friend to be his best man then he should stick to it!!
Does your BIL know that your OH has already got a best-man? maybe that is the best way to bring it up if he is too slow to have sussed it already! Next time all three of you (you, your OH and your BIL) are in the same room together just "casually" mention something about the wedding and drop in your OH's mates name with something like 'I hope (insert name here) does a good best-man speech'...that way the subject cant be avoided and if your BIL wants to kick up about it, just gently remind him that the day is not about what he wants but what you and your OH want!!!

good luck xx

 

[Clueless]

He's definitely too slow, FIL is too scared of him too and BIL won't hold back at what he thought about it. Maybe FIL and I could mention it and then we could run off leaving my OH to it?!!! It would serve him right for avoiding the issue for so long.