Broaching the subject of WTT or TTC?

[c+c]

Hi Ladies

I'm new here and this is my first post.

How did you approach Wanting a baby with your OH?

Up until about 8 months ago I had decided I never wanted children, but something changed- like some one had flicked on a switch and now that is all i want. I told him that I would want a baby in the future, but now I want one now.

I'm 23 and we've been together over 5 years, we also live together I have a well paid job and so will he soon. I wonder if thats why i want one so much?

 

[Beany2]

Hi c+c, welcome to BnB!

yeah, it could be that now you've got a stable lifestyle set up your body's realised it wants a baby! i first noticed the feeling when i met my now DH. sounds really cheesy but as soon as i met him i just knew he was who i wanted to have babies with! luckily he instantly felt the same so i never really had to bring the subject up exactly. it just kinda fell into conversation. although we have had a proper sit down and chat about actually starting a family - it sort seemed a natural thing to discuss when we decided to get married.

when you said to your OH that you'd want children in the future how did he react?

 

[booflebump]

Hello lovely

Welcome to BnB

You have been together long enough to be able to bring up the subject of children without him running for the hills. I know that when I first broached it, the conversation arose naturally from something that had happened. Has he ever expressed a desire for children, or is it not something you have ever discussed before?

Maybe choose a night when you are having a nice meal at home, are both relaxed and calm and just tell him how you are feeling. You are still young so there is plenty of time for you to have a family. But its nice to know what your future holds and to know that you and your OH are singing off the same hymn sheet with regards to children



xxx

 

[wtt :)]

Hi and welcome to the forum!

Well, my DH and I met online almost 10 yrs ago and always knew we wanted our own family down the road. The motherly feelings hit me pretty hard not too long ago and i basically broke down and cried and yelled that he doesn't understand because he can't he's not a woman...
Well, slowly but surely I've been trying to test him by mentioning the baby subject every evening sitting outside in the backyard where it is nice and calm and he has actually let me get off the birth control pill now (Still using condoms though ) so he is coming around, slowly but surely
I was carefully trying to let him know but made it very clear at the same time, plus I am older

 

[nurseh14]

I think i cried/begged/had a temper tantrum lol. (But that was of course after bringing it up many times to be told we should wait 3 or 4 years). Which ended up happening anyway cause hubby sperm is very bad. Good luck hun I think its just good to bring it up slowly and see what your OH has to say.

 

[c+c]

Thanks ladies

I just don't know when the right time to bring it up is? also don't want to hound him about it.

When i told him originally i said 'oh but not now' and i'm not sure if that was kinda true or if i said that more for his benefit. His reaction was to not react other than say if you dont want them now why are you telling me kind of way.

Also we prevoiusly a few months prior to that had a chat about what would happen if i fell pregnant (as in an accident) I told him it would be a hard choice for me now, and he said i don't see why as we couldn't support it...he obviously didn't get it. (er because I love you dimwit, and we live together etc etc)

So with that in mind I don't really have high hopes about the whole WTT or TTC conversation, and that makes me feel quite sad inside.

But hey whats a girl to do

 

[booflebump]

I think maybe you should take some time to collect your thoughts, and then tell him honestly exactly how you feel. Then at least he knows what you are thinking and can give a balanced response. Have you any plans for getting married? (not that it matters, I'm just curious) Is your OH 23 too? Men often feel they arent ready for children quite a bit after we are, so at 23, it might be a very scary concept for him

 

[walrusandposs]

Oh hon, I soooo know how you feel! I also felt really awkward about bringing it up with DP! Only because I thought, ah... he'll shoot me down! But I thought, bugger it, I'm going to bring it up because its meaningful to me, and I'm going to talk about it until he listens, and responds constructively. Because its important. I know you're scared about his reaction, that its going to dash your hopes for now, but you aren't going to get anywhere by waiting for him to bring it up.. and I think its important for him to know its important, plant the seed in his mind, make it clear what you want, because the feeling will probably not go away...prepare him mentally for it now- and it might not be so far away! But yes, what booflebump said! ; )

Goodluck hon xxxxxxx

 

[Celesse]

With #1:
I said "If we get pregnant now, then it means x,y, and z can happen so I think I should stop taking the pill and we should have a baby".

He said, "OK. Now where do you want to go for lunch?".

With #2:
I said "I think we should try in August because then I can go back pregnant and it would make sense for another baby now and it would also be good for jobs"

He said "OK, What are we having for tea?".

---

I had a pretty similar response when I got my BFP. He said "thats nice" and rolled over and went back to sleep.

 

[c+c]

Thanks all

I spoke to him this morning as I was clearly getting very upset about it all.

I asked him how he felt about children and he said yes he'd like to have them one day.

One day? how about trying next year maybe?

Well i'll have to finish my course first (next may he finishes)

To this i said well how about we say next year for now, as it can take a while to get my cycle back (i've been on the pill one type or another since i was 15 bad periods etc).

He agreed but said that he wanted to get a house first and get married the words he used were ' I'm more of a traditionalist'.

I told him he better get his finger out then.

The relief i feel just for being able to talk to him about it is immense, and the fact that I got a possitive response even better .

Also finished by mentioning that i think he'd enjoy it because i'd have a higher sex drive- (cerezette has killed it).... 'Yeah I miss that'.

So good points all round and check it out he even wants to marry me- poor bugger!

Thanks again ladies
xxx

 

[booflebump]

Now thats one way to start your Sunday morning!! Good luck with it all xxx

 

[walrusandposs]

With #1:
I said "If we get pregnant now, then it means x,y, and z can happen so I think I should stop taking the pill and we should have a baby".

He said, "OK. Now where do you want to go for lunch?".

With #2:
I said "I think we should try in August because then I can go back pregnant and it would make sense for another baby now and it would also be good for jobs"

He said "OK, What are we having for tea?".

---

I had a pretty similar response when I got my BFP. He said "thats nice" and rolled over and went back to sleep.

Haha, Celesse!!! that's hilarious!!!! men are so funny!

 

[walrusandposs]

Thanks all

I spoke to him this morning as I was clearly getting very upset about it all.

I asked him how he felt about children and he said yes he'd like to have them one day.

One day? how about trying next year maybe?

Well i'll have to finish my course first (next may he finishes)

To this i said well how about we say next year for now, as it can take a while to get my cycle back (i've been on the pill one type or another since i was 15 bad periods etc).

He agreed but said that he wanted to get a house first and get married the words he used were ' I'm more of a traditionalist'.

I told him he better get his finger out then.

The relief i feel just for being able to talk to him about it is immense, and the fact that I got a possitive response even better .

Also finished by mentioning that i think he'd enjoy it because i'd have a higher sex drive- (cerezette has killed it).... 'Yeah I miss that'.

So good points all round and check it out he even wants to marry me- poor bugger!

Thanks again ladies
xxx

That's awesome honey!!! yay

 

[xsophiexleax]

Ahhh so glad you spoke to him about it! I still have to with mine but I don't think it's gonna happen any time soon :\
Congrats! x