Bullying!

[StarrySkies]

My 12 yr old son (yr 7) is being bullied, he's sat here petrified about going to school tomorrow.

This has been going on since September! The school know it's been going on as I mentioned it to them on three separate occasions and Camhs also wrote it in their report they sent up after his appointment in October. They haven't done anything about it though, so my son has said. These boys are going around looking for him at break times, threatening him and passing threats on via him to my younger son (who's due to go to the same school in September) intimidating him.

The school has "had a word" with the boys in question, even got the parents in but it has achieved nothing. It seems to have made things worse.

The parents of these lads aren't the kind of people I'd want to go round and see either. So what the f*** do I do? (Sorry for language but I'm so angry)

One of these boys got kicked out the last school he was in apparently for his behaviour.

If I ring the school tomorrow and tel them my son isn't going in and state the reason why, what so you think they'll say? I don't want him going tbh.

My son seriously wants out of that school now, he doesn't want his brother going there either.

What do I do? What can I do?

 

[Shiv]

Didn't want to read and run. What a horrible situation for you and your son to be in.
If it were me I would get in touch with the school and tell them that unless something is properly done to ensure the safety of your son (both physically and emotionally) that you will be finding him a new school.

Can you look in to changing him to another school? I know you shouldn't give in to bullies (I was bullied myself at school but not to this degree), but it is not fai ron your son to dread school.

I would get the ball in motion with finding him a place at a different school. Perhaps contact the local education authority at the council?

I hope you can get something sorted x

 

[aimee-lou]

Was going to say I think it's time to start looking for alternatives.

Yes, ok, you shouldn't give in to bullies, but as his parent your job is to ensure he's happy and enjoying his life and his education isn't suffering. If these boys want to go on being bullies, and the school is willing to let them do that, then you need to take matters into your own hands and find him a place at another school (and for your younger son too for that matter) or look into home-schooling him until you can sort something out.

From my experience, bullies don't listen to 'words' and you're right in that it will make things worse, especially at senior school. You've got 3 choices. 1 is to tough it out, but it sounds like the bullies are outnumbering him and he's never going to keep up any bravado so they'll keep going as they see him as their current target. You can try the school again, in which case the cycle is likely to keep repeating itself and your son is going to continue to bear the brunt of it as they get told off, so they'll up the anti with him. The other choice is to remove your son for a fresh start at a new school, with new people. Any school worth it's salt will happily look to help, and if his current school can't do that, then they aren't worth dealing with.

I say this as I moved around a lot and suffered at the hands of bullies on more than one occasion. 3 days into 1 school I was picked on violently and verbally by a gang of girls. I told me Mum, who told the head, who spoke with the parents. 2 days later, I got attacked coming out of school. I never went back.

I don't wish to sound like I'm trying to scare you. It's just if it was my boys in that situation, and the school had done nothing, I would be going in all guns blazing and saying either it stops now, or he will be leaving!

Hope things improve I really really do

 

[StarrySkies]

Thanks for your replies.

I am seriously considering changing schools yes.

I rang the school this morning and had to leave a message for the behavioural team to get back to me.

Just sat here waiting now.

X

 

[Bex84]

Not a parent of older child but was a teacher. Go in to school and keep bothering them. Tell them if they don't sort it you will be complaining to ofstead. They should have it sorted so your child does not feel threatend at school.

 

[seoj]

Like mentioned- do whatever you can (what you have already done) and if that doesn't change or only makes it worse (as it can with certain kids)- then yes, I would change schools. Pare of me thinks stand up, fight, don't let the bullies WIN- but, what it comes down to is the health and well being of your child. If the school isn't putting a stop to it- which they should, it's their JOB! Then you have to take matters into your own hands.

In my community schools have a no bullying policy and it's strictly inforced. My SD experienced it with some "mean girls" at her high school freshman year- they didn't threaten her, but would call her names, spread lies, basically try to make her life difficult. It was so aggrevating because they didn't threaten her there wasn't much we could do- and if my SD had been younger I would of for sure gone to the school myself. But being she was 14, she didn't want me to do that- so she went to the counselor and the principal and made them aware. One girl actually slapped her across the face and she did get in trouble for that- and lucky my SD was strong enough to go to the principal on that one too. And the girl did apologize-- but we are just lucky it didn't get worse instead. Some of it does depend on the kid. They can get that mob mentality- but when singled out they back down. By sophmore year the girls really calmed down and it's not been much of an issue at all since.

I'm so sorry your kid is going through this- it's horrid as a parent to think any pain comes to our kids and there is only so much we can do to help. But at that young age- I would change schools. My brother was bullied in middle school- to the point where it's a sore subject for him even now as an adult. It pains me to think he went through that and I (being his older sister) had NO clue. I would have gone and taken action had I known tbh-- I can't stand kids that pick on other kids. I personally think it has to steem from their home life to some extent- I don't believe kids are naturally mean or nasty. But they are prob insecure or sad and lashing out. No excuse. Even at 12, they should know better.

Big hugs

 

[StarrySkies]

My OH actually knows the parents of these kids (it's three kids from the same family doing it, all at the same school) well when I say knows, he doesn't know them personally but he knows of them. Well anyway they are a right lot apparently.

I haven't heard back from the school yet, they didn't bother ringing back. Bit annoyed about that
I'm going to be writing a letter when the kids are in bed and I'll send that in with my son tomorrow as I want to arrange an appointment to discuss this with someone asap. Hopefully someone will contact me tomorrow, if not I'll go in when my OH finishes work. I'd have gone today but it wasn't possible.

I can't stand bullies either. I too was bullied quite badly at secondary school and I spent half of my days bunking off certain lessons just to avoid them and of course that got me in to trouble but it got to the point where I just didn't care and I'd rather spend the time in detention them face them. I don't want my son feeling like that.

X

 

[_Vicky_]

Get him out and don't send your other son there. I was bullied at age 12 and my parents changed my school and I never looked back! It was the Making of me xxx

 

[tallybee]

I hope this gets dealt with bullying is disgusting. I've had to go above the school about their failing to protect my son from physical attacks from an older boy. (my son is 9) I strongly feel that the school's policies on bullying are inadequate and if my kicking up a stink forces them to change then that's got to be positive.

 

[BethK]

If that was my LO then she wouldn't be stepping one foot in that school door until those bullies were dealt with!

I wouldn't send a letter in with him i would be hammering on the door myself and do the same every day until they do something.

AND in the meantime i would be contacting the council to go about changing schools.

There's no way i'd let my LO go back and carry on being bullied like that, you hear WAY too many horror stories!

 

[CandyDay]

Can he do some homeschooling till you can get him into a new school? Maybe homeschooling or taking some online courses while you are getting things sorted out would be beneficial for you both.

 

[xprincessx]

I was bullied terribly for 11 years (year 2 onwards) and I absolutely hated school, I could never concentrate because the kids would be sat there throwing rolled up bits of paper at me or ripping up erasers and throwing bits in my hair or when there were seating plans really loudly proclaiming there was no way they'd sit next to me.

It got so bad that I got told I was going to get stabbed in year 8, nothing ever happened. My mum ended up having a huge row with the teacher and left calling him a wanker (not in front of any children but i could hear from outside the room). I used to make up illnesses so i didn't have to go and to this day have barely any friends and none i can truly rely on as even they have spoken behind my back before. I also ended up with councelling because I had social issues from it

I would DEFINITELY change schools, please don't let what happened to me happen to your son.