L
lil bear
Guest
This is very difficult and probably the hardest thing I've ever had to write.
I was admitted to hospital on Tuesday 19th April 2011 with heavy bleeding and severe abdominal cramping. On Thursday, April 21st 2011, I received confirmation by an ultrasound scan that the baby I was expecting with my ex boyfriend Charlie and whose October arrival I had so anxiously anticipated, had been lost to miscarriage on Tuesday 19th April 2011 at 13 weeks and 5 days. The cause of the miscarriage is as yet unknown and sadly I will probably never know why
It was the worst expereince of my life. I was taken to hospital by ambulance, then was told when we got there, that there was no room in the major area for me I'd have to sit out in the waiting room. I was left with no pain relief and for nearly 3 hours bleeding sat in the waiting room before I got to see a triage nurse who asked me to do a urine sample and then sit back in the waiting area. I was sat there for about another hour before I got taken into the minor area and finally given some pain relief - 2 paracetamol! After another couple of hours wait I finally got taken to majors where I had a wait of about an hour and half before a gyne doctor came to see me and examine me. She had a quick prod about, took some swabs and said she'd organise a scan for a few days and was sending me home! I was in agony and still bleeding. As I got off the bed I collapsed and was told that they'd need to keep me in as they couldn't send me home in that state. I was taken down to a ward in the early hours of Wednesday morning and spent all of Wednesday in such great pain and bleeding, only being able to have paracetamol and codene for the pain. I finally had my scan yesterday afternoon after it was cancelled in the morning to be told by an uncaring sonographer that 'well there's no products I can see there'. How dare she call my baby a product! He was my baby and a real lil person I'd seen wiggling round on the screen a couple of weeks before. The doctors I saw yesterday were as equaly uncaring referring to products, I wanted to scream at them that he was my baby, a real person and should be treated so, but all I could do was cry my eyes out. I got sent home today, still bleeding and in a lot of pain. I have to go back on Sunday for more bloodtests to see if I'm going to need a D&C. I did have one nurse who was so lovely and very sympathetic and understanding.
I feel in such a state of shock and feel so numb, empty, sad, depressed, distraught and in dispair. I thought I'd get to hold my lil guy in my arm's in October, but I've been robbed of that chance
I named my baby Sirius-James Peter, as it's the name me and my ex boyfriend had decided on for a boy and it pains me so much to know that I'm never going to get to see or hold him. I know that one day though, when my time here is done and I reach the gates of heaven, Sirius-James and my other angel Alex will be there waiting to meet their Mummy for the first time and I'm going to hold them both so tightly and never ever let go of them again
Sirius-James Peter Brealey 19/04/2011 at 13+5 weeks
Mummy loves and misses you so very very much my lil bear
I was admitted to hospital on Tuesday 19th April 2011 with heavy bleeding and severe abdominal cramping. On Thursday, April 21st 2011, I received confirmation by an ultrasound scan that the baby I was expecting with my ex boyfriend Charlie and whose October arrival I had so anxiously anticipated, had been lost to miscarriage on Tuesday 19th April 2011 at 13 weeks and 5 days. The cause of the miscarriage is as yet unknown and sadly I will probably never know why
It was the worst expereince of my life. I was taken to hospital by ambulance, then was told when we got there, that there was no room in the major area for me I'd have to sit out in the waiting room. I was left with no pain relief and for nearly 3 hours bleeding sat in the waiting room before I got to see a triage nurse who asked me to do a urine sample and then sit back in the waiting area. I was sat there for about another hour before I got taken into the minor area and finally given some pain relief - 2 paracetamol! After another couple of hours wait I finally got taken to majors where I had a wait of about an hour and half before a gyne doctor came to see me and examine me. She had a quick prod about, took some swabs and said she'd organise a scan for a few days and was sending me home! I was in agony and still bleeding. As I got off the bed I collapsed and was told that they'd need to keep me in as they couldn't send me home in that state. I was taken down to a ward in the early hours of Wednesday morning and spent all of Wednesday in such great pain and bleeding, only being able to have paracetamol and codene for the pain. I finally had my scan yesterday afternoon after it was cancelled in the morning to be told by an uncaring sonographer that 'well there's no products I can see there'. How dare she call my baby a product! He was my baby and a real lil person I'd seen wiggling round on the screen a couple of weeks before. The doctors I saw yesterday were as equaly uncaring referring to products, I wanted to scream at them that he was my baby, a real person and should be treated so, but all I could do was cry my eyes out. I got sent home today, still bleeding and in a lot of pain. I have to go back on Sunday for more bloodtests to see if I'm going to need a D&C. I did have one nurse who was so lovely and very sympathetic and understanding.
I feel in such a state of shock and feel so numb, empty, sad, depressed, distraught and in dispair. I thought I'd get to hold my lil guy in my arm's in October, but I've been robbed of that chance
I named my baby Sirius-James Peter, as it's the name me and my ex boyfriend had decided on for a boy and it pains me so much to know that I'm never going to get to see or hold him. I know that one day though, when my time here is done and I reach the gates of heaven, Sirius-James and my other angel Alex will be there waiting to meet their Mummy for the first time and I'm going to hold them both so tightly and never ever let go of them again
Sirius-James Peter Brealey 19/04/2011 at 13+5 weeks
Mummy loves and misses you so very very much my lil bear
to Alex and Sirius-James. xxxxx
