Calling all Teacher Mama's!

[PinkPeony2013]

Hi! My DH and I are trying to decide when would be a good time to start our family and would love to have your input.

I'm going to graduate with my MA in Music Education this May and will be completing my teacher certification in December. My DH is planning on starting Doctoral school either Fall 2017 or Fall 2018.

I would like to start TTC this summer so that we can have our baby at the beginning of 2017. This would be a time of DH just working and me sporadically subbing. Also, we would have a fairly open window of time to TTC and to enjoy some time with our baby and both of our families before we move out of state to start Doctoral school and my first or second year of teaching.

He on the other hand, is thinking we should wait until after he finishes his first year of doctoral school and my first year of teaching. I think this makes sense, but I'm also bummed and terrified that our parents and siblings won't be there to help out in those formative first few months of parenting. I really want to be in my home state and near family for our first pregnancy and birth.

Thoughts or questions are so welcomed. I really appreciate it!!

 

[Trying4first1]

Hey there!
In my experience I would say the sooner the better.
I only say this because me and my DH started trying a few months after our wedding and 20 months later we have no baby and actually have suffered 3 miscarriages in this time. .
We planned to be parents by the summer of 2015 but we now know that you cannot plan in this way as you just don't know what will happen.
Luckily I have been in my teaching career for a few years now. But we did have plans to move house etc which we have now out on hold due to all of the stress we have had.
So I guess what I am trying to say is don't assume that it will all happen by a certain time. We made that mistake as never imagined we would be where we are all this time later. On the other hand most ladies fall pregnant very quickly and everything works out so you also need to be prepared for that too. I would say follow your heart and go with that feels right for the both you.
Good luck and enjoy

 

[krissie328]

I would also say sooner. It would be better to adapt with a baby near family and before having the stress of graduate school and a new job to worry about.

 

[PinkPeony2013]

Both of your comments are so helpful!! Trying4first1, I am so sorry to hear about your struggles. I commend you on your bravery and hope and pray for the best for you and your hubby. Krissie328, I'm glad to have you back up my thoughts! Thank you!

 

[krissie328]

I went through having a baby while finishing graduate school and moving for my internship. Dh had just finished his program and was starting a new job. The only thing that saved me was the fact we moved to my hometown. My mom, sister and best friend all live here. They have been a tremendous support. I definitely think without them it would be a lot longer before #2.

 

[PinkPeony2013]

Oh man, it sounds like having family was a big help! I think I've established pretty firmly to DH that I really want to have family in the picture for our first baby, but do you have any specifics as to why it was so helpful? I'm especially nervous because we're both still fairly young to be having kids.

 

[krissie328]

My mom took (still does) him on days I needed a break. Or at least was a big support.

I've learned it's okay to ask for help and accept it. Kids are tough and having people that are willing to help goes a long way.

I always have someone that understands how hard it is to be a working mom. And sometimes you just need to vent.

My sister had a baby 3.5 months later and we've been able to share the experience.

I know this is unique to me but my mom and friend watch him so I do think have to send him to daycare.

Honestly, now that I've tackled having my first and understand it better I'd be more comfortable moving. But I'd really miss not having people I trust around.

 

[PinkPeony2013]

That's awesome. I am hoping to have a similar situation by staying close to family for as long as possible. My SIL, who is awesome, just had a baby in Oct. '15 and I would really love to have her and the rest of the family for support/babysitting exchanges, etc. I can't help but feel like that would be a much better option that 1) having a baby alone and out of state and 2) waiting five years. I did not realize how much soul searching would be involved in this. It's so draining! My DH has yet to have a real stance other than he's afraid of starting too early and doesn't want to commit one way or the other for another week or two... *sigh* I feel like I'm caught in limbo.

 

[aidensxmomma]

I agree with the other ladies about trying sooner rather than later. Having family around can be a huge help. I lived with my family or near them when I was pregnant and going through the newborn stages with my first and second and I lived nearby when I was pregnant with my third. What I gained from having them around was invaluable. They taught me a lot about parenting and what's normal/what's not, etc. It was also great to have people around to help me out when I needed it and also just to talk to. I was a high school student when I had my son and I was out of school for a couple months after having him. It was incredibly isolating and having family around helped make that so much easier.

I think it was especially important to be around my family with my first because, as a first time mom, I had no idea what in the hell I was doing and having their wisdom and advice around me just made the transition to motherhood that much easier.

Also, like Krissie said, I relied on my family a lot for babysitting. Even if it was something simple like having to run to the grocery store.

My kids are older now and I've moved away from my family, but it's a pain in the butt sometimes. My kids are in school full-time, so I don't really have to worry about daycare, but there are times I wish I could call my mom and have her come watch the kids for a few minutes or pick them up for school or something like that. I don't have anyone around anymore that I trust enough to babysit or help with the kids (with the exception of my OH) and even though they aren't babies anymore, it's still harder without family around.

Sorry if that was a lot of rambling...I'm getting too tired to write decent sentences

Hope that helps and good luck with whatever you and your OH decide to do!

 

[PinkPeony2013]

Aidensxmomma, that was very helpful!! I really appreciate you sharing your experience.

After hearing from multiple sources now, I think DH and I are in agreance that having a baby (at least our first!) should absolutely be in close proximity to our families. Now I have another question... .

While I know DH and I would be absolutely thrilled to get pg, I really thought that deciding to have a baby would be a lot less formulaic and more emotions drive (supported by logistics, of course). I am wondering if our lack of emotional hype in making this choice is a good or bad thing? I think it's good because we are looking at it from as realistic of a point of view as possible, but it feels funny to not be like "YAY! Let's have a baby!!"

Part two of the question then is, should I start my career first?

Ugh this is so hard to make a decision. Again, if you have any advice, anecdotes, etc. about your process or choosing to start a family before a career, etc. it is ALL welcome and falling upon listening ears! Thanks!

 

[krissie328]

I don't think there is anything wrong with looking at it from a logical stand point. Plus the emotions will come.

As far as starting your career that is such a personal choice. I taught for 6 years before changing to my current position. While I am still in the school my role is different. I started this job when ds was 6 weeks old. So it was tough to adjust to both. If your baby was older (I think 6 months at least) it might be a better transition. With that said the first year of teaching is hard and takes a lot of your time. Juggling both will be hard.

Sorry that sounds so negative. But I want to be honest from my experiences.

 

[PinkPeony2013]

Krissie! Such solid words of advice. I take them to heart! Thank you for your honesty