Can anyone help....please

[raeraefish]

My little boy is 2 and a half and has the worst tantrums ever, he punches and kicks and lashes out, he's just had the worst one yet which has left me very shocked, worried and in floods of tears.

He has thrown toys, banged his head on the floor, pulled his hair, banged the door so hard it's knocked a hole in the wall even though there is a stopper on the carpet to try to prevent this from happening, tried to pull the TV off the side and just thrown himself all over, he has carpet burns on his knees and elbows and bangs on his face and head and looks like a beaten child. I tried to calm him down but got kicked in the stomach for it, I'm currently 31 weeks pregnant and at a total loss as my OH is away for 10 days and I haven't got anyone else to talk to.

What am I dong wrong?????

I took everything out of his room I thought he could hurt himself on and he has now worn himself out so much throwing himself on the carpet and banging his head he's gone to sleep. I keep going in to check he's ok given how much he has banged his head and he seems it.

While he was in his room shouting and screaming all I could hear was him shouting no no no, I kept trying to go in to calm him down but he just kept lashing out at me and one kick to the stomach was enough to wind me I didn't want another or to upset him anymore than he already was. After he slammed the door I sat outside his room, he kept coming out and shouting No Mummy at me and go away

It all started as he was naughty....he had been playing in his room and drew all over himself with his pens, I told him off and tried to clean him up but he kept moving away and saying No Mummy and shouting and screwing his face up so I tried the "stay here and when you feel ready apologise to mummy for saying no come downstairs...we've told him off before for saying no and shouting and hitting out before but it never works, anyway he came downstairs and the TV was on and he suddenly got so mad and started crying then tried to pull the TV down off the side, i jumped up and said don't do that and then it just escalated from there.

What can I do??? Is there something wrong with him or is it me? I'm terrified of the impact the new baby will have on him and I don't want to have to keep dealing with this, it's getting me down so much. I'm sure nursery must think I hit him as he's always covered in bumps and bruises.
I love my son so much I just don't know what to do...can anyone offer any advice?

 

[caggimedicine]

Oh dear, poor you.

Usually they have tantrums at this age because they're either frustrated or annoyed about not getting what they want.

If Harry does something wrong we use the naughty step - he hates it, but we've persevered and it does work.

I think you need to completely ignore his bad behaviour - when he's throwing a tantrum, just leave him to it. I know it's worrying that he could harm himself, but if you've made his room so that he can't, you should stick him in there until he calms down and don't hang around either. So long as he has you as an audience, he'll continue.

 

[raeraefish]

I've tried the naughty step to no avail, just doesn't seem to work for him when he's in one of those moods, for minor things when he's controlled it's ok but when he flies into a rage nothing can calm him down.
I've taken all his toys and pens and anything he can reach off the walls but his room now looks a bit like a prison cell, even had to move the cot side from his bed as he was banging on it, now has a rolled up duvet instead!

 

[QTPie]

Oh dear

My toddler isn't at that stage yet, but does have tantrums. I tend to make sure he is safe (or as can be) and then ignore him (either in the room - and start doing something else and narrating what I am doing completely calmly and uninterested in his behaviour - or I leave the room).

So as the previous poster says, ignoring is the best. SOmetimes the more you try to comfort/calm them, the more they kick off....

Take care and good luck

QT

 

[QTPie]

I've taken all his toys and pens and anything he can reach off the walls but his room now looks a bit like a prison cell, even had to move the cot side from his bed as he was banging on it, now has a rolled up duvet instead!

Sounds like the right thing to me - you always need somewhere "safe" (or as can be) for them to be. It is a phase, it WILL pass and you can put the things back in. In the mean time, what you are doing makes complete sense

 

[flower01]

when you say you tried the naughty step to no avail what does that mean, did you keep putting him back on it when he got off?
I know it must be so frustrating, especially at 31 weeks pregnant, but even if he gets off 40 times or more you have to make him stay there for 2 mins.

if you nip this behavior in the bud now, he will be well used to it by time your baby comes.
xx

 

[caggimedicine]

I think there's a difference between 'naught step' and 'time out' isn't there?

Naught step - good for when they've done something naughty and need to think about what they've done (e.g. when they're in a calm, controlled state)

Time out - put somewhere safe to where themselves out of their crazy state.

I think the OP is doing right having a safe place for time out, but needs to walk away, giving no attention to LO until they've calmed down.

 

[raeraefish]

Naughty step will work when he's calm but in a tantrum he will throw himself off the step onto the hard wood floor below, i know it's only 2 steps up but it still scares me he will hurt himself.

 

[flower01]

I think there's a difference between 'naught step' and 'time out' isn't there?

Naught step - good for when they've done something naughty and need to think about what they've done (e.g. when they're in a calm, controlled state)

Time out - put somewhere safe to where themselves out of their crazy state.

I think the OP is doing right having a safe place for time out, but needs to walk away, giving no attention to LO until they've calmed down.

yes thats it! lol

 

[Buffy71]

You poor thing. You don't need this right now BUT Sadly for us mummy's - we're it!

H has only had one total melt down and it left me shocked I have to say. I had no idea what to do. In the end I don't know what happened but I channeled my mum's voice I tried ignoring her, didn't work, comforting, didn't work. I barked at her "right now that's enough. Stop!". She looked a bit stunned then I picked her up quick while she was still startled and jigged her and patted her like a baby and bizarrely it worked. I suspect it worked as a one off though.

Was your boy tired or feeling under the weather when he kicked off? If so that might be a good reason to reinstate naps or something. Sorry not to be much use hon, but you aren't alone.

Keep yourself safe and if you need to shut him in a room safely and be able to walk away and regroup for a bit - that's what you do. You're doing a great job - he's probably playing you up and testing you because daddy is away and he's also missing him and feeling a bit unsettled.

 

[tina_h75]

sounds awful poor you. My 2 year old likes to lash out but its through frustration or tiredness usually and he snaps out of it pretty quick . Can you tell when he is going to start ? if so a quick distraction might help. I think if it was me, I would try calming him - maybe speaking gently telling him that he has hurt mommy. sorry I can't be more help.