can he do this ?!

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by lov3hat3, Jan 23, 2011.

  1. lov3hat3

    lov3hat3 Mummy to lil J, Preggo #2

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    He hasnt been there at all through this pregnancy and has said on multiple occasions that his hobbies are more important then his son. NOW he asked me for full custody, obviously i said no! he said well he is having his son atLEAST half a week. Im all for him seeing his son, with supervision over weekends. I dont trust him, at all. He said its happening and theres nothing i can do about it because hes his baby too. I will move to the other side of the frickin world before i let him have my son by himself half the week. Can he do this?! i live in the UK. He doesnt even have time he works all frickin week and then his precious HOBBIES that he wouldnt give up. Im sooo frickin pissed right now :(!!! he denied the baby was even his at first.
     
  2. Newmommy2011

    Newmommy2011 Well-Known Member

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    Keep all the evidence you can against him. You don't even have to put him on the birth certificate, and if you don't he has no rights to that baby. He's more of a sperm donor. He would have to take you to court to get to see the baby or anything. That's how it is in the us anyways. Hope that helps :)
     
  3. Brieanna

    Brieanna Well-Known Member

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    He sounds like a royal jerk! I would start recording dates, times (and even conversations) that he says bad things or does bad things, plus everything he has done in the past to prepare for a custody battle. As much as it sucks, in the courts eyes he is the father of the baby.

    I don't live there, but over here, as long as he isn't a drug addict or anything bad, I don't think joint custody is uncommon, but doubtful that he will get full custody (unless the court views you as unfit). The fact that he works might be viewed as a good thing too, because he can support his child, unless he works too much.

    Sorry to sound pessimistic! If he is going to take you to court, you need to be as prepared as possible. I have seen horrible custody battles and while it used to be common to ALWAYS award custody to the mother, it isn't anymore....

    Good luck.
     
  4. Kaileymonster

    Kaileymonster Mammy and bump

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    In the UK unless your on heroin... he'll have nothing on you... he would have to go through a DNA test just to prove that your son is his to start with... it's going to be such a long, expensive process for him.. he'll give up fighting and stick to your terms.. the SECOND he says "I can't have him because of ______" He'll lose his custody ... He's going to screw himself up more by going down this route... if He doesn't change his mind that is... considering how fickle he seems!!

    Good luck and Even if you hate Sperm donor... You'll do what's best for your son... and that doesn't seem like his Dad having 50% custody!
     
  5. kelzyboo

    kelzyboo Angel mummy and PAL

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    Ha ha there's no way he will get full custody, i'm not sure about joint custody don't think its as common here as in the US, he will probably get weekends, providing he isn't deemed unfit even for that. Perhaps he's saying all of this just to stress you out? Doesn't sound like a very nice person tbh

    I had this with DD's father (similar situation), he wanted more than supervised visits and i told him to go jump off a cliff, it was slightly different as he was on drugs and always in trouble with the police (i don't pick em well lol) i told him he would have to go through the courts as i was unhappy and didn't trust him, i saw my soliciter but he never responded and opted to drop out of her life completely (and good riddence i say) chances are he won't follow through with his threats, if he isn't on birth certificate he has to work hard and go through a lengthly process to get any rights at all and if you don't trust him you can make it as difficult as you choose to!

    I am not advocating good fathers be kept out of their childrens lives, but it depends what is in the best interests of the child thats what matters, not father's rights.

    I agree with recording things that are said, dates and times etc.. this will help you if it does get to court, in the meantime try to relax and remember that unless you are a very unfit mother (which i suspect you are not) he will not get custody.

    Do keep a record though it will help, DD's father told me that if he was left alone with her he would take her and i would never find them, hence the reason he never was trusted with her!!

    Hope it works out for you and you don't have too much stress xx
     
  6. BexyD

    BexyD Well-Known Member

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    I agree with all of the above, esp the recording convos etc. Might be worth (as much as you hate it) to invite him to any appoinments you have as when he says he cant make them (no doubt he'll find an excuse) then you'll be able to prove he hasnt participated or shown interest during the pregnancy. Ive had prob with my ex seeing our kids, and it's highly unlikey the courts would give him anything but supervised visits - defo not overnight - while LO is small and after that maybe once a fortnight etc. Certinly not half the week, so please dont worry. Citizens advice are brilliant if you feel you need prof advice. Some solicitors will also offer free or fixed price consultation which are also fab, just so you can find out your rights xx
     
  7. Kaileymonster

    Kaileymonster Mammy and bump

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    https://www.thecustodyminefield.com/CaseLaw.html

    Here's some cases and laws and things that could be helpful!! Text him and say..."Baby's moving" and things like that... when he tells you to stop texting him [which I guess he will do] then you can say he didn't want to know... if he wants to be an ass.. be the innocent party... let him prove he's a *beep*
     
  8. lov3hat3

    lov3hat3 Mummy to lil J, Preggo #2

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    thankyou everyone :) have had a bath and calmed down now! hearing this has made me feel alot better too, so thankyou lol. will start recording too :) xxx
     
  9. bigbetty

    bigbetty Mammam to a princess

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    Hi love, just spotted this from over in 3rd tri.

    Ok firstly, if you are not married and you don't name him on the birth certificate, then he has no automatic parental rights and cannot just make his demands and expect you to bow to them.

    He can, however, apply to a court for access/parental rights etc but there is no way that they would just automatically give him full custody without a damn good reason and also they wouldn't authorise overnight stays for the first few months - especially if you are breastfeeding.

    A lot of men think that just being the biological father gives them automatic rights and that they can just demand what they like, but it isn't true. Stick to your guns and if he is genuinely serious about wanting contact with his son then he will fight for it.

    Below is a link to the direct.gov website that defines what parental rights are and how they affect fathers. I hope it helps xx

    And like others have said, if you have any written evidence such as email etc that prove how none commital he has been through your pregnancy, then keep them just in case x

    https://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/ParentsRights/DG_4002954
     
  10. BexyD

    BexyD Well-Known Member

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    Tell me if it's none of my business, but when did you both split up? If you were ever in a relationship..? It seems to me like he actually hs no intention of doing what he says (or would at least back out if it looked like becoming reality). It seems more like he is trying to upset/scare you and saying the one thing he knows would get a rise/reaction from you.

    On the other hand, I have a friend who had a one night stand and got preg, he was completely useless all through the pregnancy, tried to deny it etc etc, but once their daughter arrived he began to improve and now she is 4 the parents have a good relationship (not without probs) and he sees the daughter every weekend and makes himself available when my friend wants a night out or cant get away from work or uni.
    Sometimes there is hope!!:flower:
     
  11. Lauraaraa

    Lauraaraa Love My Baby Girl

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    my midwife told me that th male doesnt have any rights what so ever.

    you arent married so he has no right to say tht to you

    like someone said you dont even have to put him on birth cert

    sounds like he is just saying tht to worry you which is mean of him.
    he should be there for you thru this not being a total ass.

    just ignore him, dont humour him which is prob wha he wants
     
  12. missjaime

    missjaime Well-Known Member

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    to start with id record anything you can on him
    with my first child i was with the father for 5 years and when i was pregnant he keeps hassling me for an abortion then i had a few miscarriage scares and he would ask how it went with a smile on his face then i said still pregnant hed go back to ignoring me. we broke up at 20 weeks and i never saw him again. well when my son was 2 and a half i decided i wanted to know why his parents wanted nothing to do with us and turns out he told his parents that i wanted nothing to do with them. anyway his mum said that sperm donor said that he will probably contact me evenually which i dont want my son has someone he calls daddy and so i called for legal advise and if sperm donor wants contact he can have joint custody just like that because i put him on the birth certificate and he pays child support so he can have contact if he wants even though he did all the above and more.
    i live in new zealand
    have you considered calling for some legal advise
    hope it works out for you
     
  13. lov3hat3

    lov3hat3 Mummy to lil J, Preggo #2

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    BEXY D-

    2 days after we found out, it wasnt really a relationship if im honest. He smokes weed so he was paronoid as anything which is why we broke up. I think he was just trying to do that too, i cant see him taking it any further. But if he does then ill be ready i guess :)

    aww thats nice :) i cant say i have much faith in him turning it around like that, but you never know! xx
     
  14. BexyD

    BexyD Well-Known Member

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    Sorry for being nosey! It just seems like he's being very bitter so wondered if it was a recent breakup. DEfo make sure you are prepared, that'll knock him back on his ass when he knows you know what you are talking about!! good luck chick xx
     
  15. lov3hat3

    lov3hat3 Mummy to lil J, Preggo #2

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    thankyou everyone :flower: have been very helpfull and made me feel alot better :hugs:
     
  16. LHill2010

    LHill2010 Well-Known Member

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    He doesn't have a snowball's chance in hell of getting full/partial custody if he is acting that way. You just be the best mommy you can be, and KNOW that you will have custody of that baby. If he has no intention of changing and is smoking weed he is unfit to be a father. Don't worry girl! :)
     
  17. Kaileymonster

    Kaileymonster Mammy and bump

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    Sounds like he'd FREAK If he got access... He'd soon disappear!! Some guys do change but It has to be on your terms... your being responsible and your willing to do this "on your own" for your baby... Just keep doing what your doing.. do everything by the book and let him squirm or step up... if he steps up then all the better!!!
     
  18. gypsymom

    gypsymom Well-Known Member

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    From what I understand unless you are a complete crack-addicted prostitute who beats children there is NO WAY a court would grant him full custody (that only happens when one parent is seen to be unfit/incapeable of taking care of a child due to drug use, severe mental disorders, previous child abuse felonies etc). If he does take you to court bring up his weed smoking which will be a HUGE strike against him, plus all the previous behavior and accusations etc.

    If you want child support from him, i think you have to name him the father on the birth certificate, but if that isn't an issue for you just leave him off then it's up to him to find the burden of proof of fatherhood, which is expensive and time consuming. He sounds lazy and jerkish so I doubt he'll follow through the moment things get tough. Sorry you're going through this, just know that there are TONS of sweet wonderful men out there who love children and you'll find a winner eventually!
     
  19. xxMichellexx

    xxMichellexx Well-Known Member

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    The father of my child is a horrible horrible person, he dumped me xmas day and went crawling back to his ex, and now they both send me texts and messages calling me a sick disgusting bitch, needless to say i have deleted nothing, and know one day they will regret sending them!
     
  20. miss cakes

    miss cakes Well-Known Member

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    the fob of my son said this to me when i was pregnant and i was so upset and angry!! i remember shaking and actually scared that maybe he could do that the reality is he cant i even went to a soliciter and because i wasnt denying him access i said he could if supervised he couldnt do a damn thing about it as he nad nothing to contest also you mentioned him smoking weed well if he did decide to try and get you to go court you only have to mention that and the best he would get is supervised access only if he passes drug tests at the contact centre so dont worry he hasnt got a hope in hell of any of what hes demanding just blank him for now you dont have to have nothing to do with him while your pregnant anyway x
     

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