Can you ever actually enjoy a PAL pregnancy?

[Tommee]

Hi,

I'm trying so hard this time round to enjoy my second PAL pregnancy but I feel so anxious and worried all of the time

I suffered 4 losses then had surgery and medication with my beautiful PAL baby who is 18 months old now, I feel so lucky every single day to have him.

I'm now 15 weeks pregnant and have had all the same medication etc as before everything seems to be going the same BUT I can't believe that I'll be lucky enough to have another healthy baby. I'm 2 years older and a lot heavier then last time round so I'm also worried about my health.

I'm booked in for that triple blood test next week so that's keeping me awake on an evening along with all this swine flu news every time you turn the TV on. Then I'll just find something else to worry about, it's never ending.

I didn't even tell anyone that I was PG with my son until I'd had the 20 weeks scan last time and will probably do the same again this time round. i just wish that I could have a normal happy pregnancy and celebrate it like most Mums to be do instead of living in fear, I honestly thought that it would be more enjoyable this time round but sadly I feel like I've been robbed again.

Sorry for the rant I just wanted to get it off my chest as I've go no one else that I can speak to about this.

 

[L999]

bless you- my thoughts are with you- try and remain positive for your baby and remember every baby is different. I wish you the best of luck and have my fingers and toes crossed for you.xxx

 

[Pippin]

I'm struggling right now too after some brown spotting just now but I'm trying to stay focused as I just heard the baby on the Doppler. I have good days and bad so hang in there. X

 

[Jox]

tbh i only 'enjoyed' a few days of my pal pregnancy.

Once youve lost a LO the innocence has gone and you become soo aware of what can go wrong

Hoping you have a very uneventful and stressfree pregnancy

xxx

 

[hb1]

It's hard - but remember at 15 weeks your chances have improved drastically of all going perfectly.



hx

 

[Tommee]

Thanks ladies.

You're right once you have suffered a loss no matter what stage of pregnancy the innocence has gone. I remember hearing about about a lady where I live telling everyone at about 6 weeks about her pregnancy thankgoodness everything was all well with her but I would never dare tell anyone at that stage.

At Christmas because I wasn't drinking at all and not really eating much I was asked a couple of time if I was pregnant? I would have loved to have shouted YESSSSSSSSS and we're so happy but it just didn't feel right although I was 13 weeks by then.

I just hope that I can start to enjoy it as time goes on.

 

[Starry Night]

This is exactly how I feel. And I'm such a glutton for punishment I keep finding myself drawn to the loss forums or to the sections of my pregnancy books that talk about all the things that can go wrong. I've passed my loss milestone and I thought I'd feel safe once in the second trimester but now I worry about late miscarriages, pre term labour and stillbirths. I just want to be excited about my baby. I feel like I'm not allowed to think that far ahead.

But I do have good days where I admire my tiny (so far) bump and the fact I now have boobs. lol

 

[BabyBinns]

Just wanted to add my little bit here, I lost a son full term in labour in 1998, so it seems like a long long time ago but since then went on to have a son in 2007. I was so sure he was going to not make it into the world I completely disregarded my pregnancy and didn't even really buy anything, until I realised laid on the table having my section that this was actually happening! I'm 37 weeks pregnant at the moment and booked in for another section on the 25th, because of my situation I have to wait until birth to know everything is OK... we made it... these last two weeks are and are going to be hell. I know the feeling only like it was yesterday of going in 40 weeks pregnant in labour and coming out a few days later with a small brown envelope with just pictures and a lock of hair.

I have to keep positive for my son and partner and try to enjoy being pregnant but its very hard and as someone said above, when you have experienced a loss your whole next pregnancy is tainted because you do know what can happen

Try to stay positive, make your own milestones and as you reach them be happy and celebrate

 

[Agiboma]

don't have much to say except to try to enjoy your pg, its not easy but enjoy

 

[LadyHutch]

I have my days. My loss and subsequent pregnancy have happened so close together I feel like I'm in a whirlwind.

Today I am so excited I can hardly stand it. Yesterday I was paranoid. The day before I was angry.

Not sure if I'm enjoying it or not, but I;m trying hard to mentally separate the two pregnancies and focus on this one.

 

[Starry Night]

It's hard to enjoy a PAL when you're constantly bleeding. I was so happy because it seemed my sch was clearing up but it's returned with a vengeance. I know baby is happy and healthy because I both saw it on the ultrasound and got to hear its heart beat on the doppler (163bpm) but my sch spotting also includes some extra cramping. I know it's to be expected but the worries still come.

But to be positive: my baby is happy and healthy and apparently oblivious to all that is going on. Take the victories where I can, I suppose.

 

[Tommee]

This is exactly how I feel. And I'm such a glutton for punishment I keep finding myself drawn to the loss forums or to the sections of my pregnancy books that talk about all the things that can go wrong. I've passed my loss milestone and I thought I'd feel safe once in the second trimester but now I worry about late miscarriages, pre term labour and stillbirths. I just want to be excited about my baby. I feel like I'm not allowed to think that far ahead.

But I do have good days where I admire my tiny (so far) bump and the fact I now have boobs. lol

You do sound like me I have stupidly been reading all the negative things on the net and like you drawn to loss forums and reading about late loss I also have passed my loss milestone but now keep thinking of other things that can sadly go wrong. I was at the Doctors yesterday and heard the heartbeat for the first time and allowed myself to get excited then I soon spoiled it when I got home and went back to been negative.

I'm sorry to read that you're bleeding that must be very scary for you, I had 7weeks of spotting with my son and have had 3 weeks of it with this pregnancy no idea what caused it for me? I really hope that it clears up for you soon

 

[Tommee]

Just wanted to add my little bit here, I lost a son full term in labour in 1998, so it seems like a long long time ago but since then went on to have a son in 2007. I was so sure he was going to not make it into the world I completely disregarded my pregnancy and didn't even really buy anything, until I realised laid on the table having my section that this was actually happening! I'm 37 weeks pregnant at the moment and booked in for another section on the 25th, because of my situation I have to wait until birth to know everything is OK... we made it... these last two weeks are and are going to be hell. I know the feeling only like it was yesterday of going in 40 weeks pregnant in labour and coming out a few days later with a small brown envelope with just pictures and a lock of hair.

I have to keep positive for my son and partner and try to enjoy being pregnant but its very hard and as someone said above, when you have experienced a loss your whole next pregnancy is tainted because you do know what can happen

Try to stay positive, make your own milestones and as you reach them be happy and celebrate

I can't even begin to imagine what you went through, mine were all early and that was hard enough to deal with, a parents worst nightmare I can't think of anything worse then losing a child, it really breaks my heart. I also disregarded my last pregnancy and only bought what I really needed before he was born. I made my Mum keep everything at her house. I remember having my c section it was all a bit of a blur and I never believed that my son would be here until he was on my chest crying. I spent the full night just watching him I never closed my eyes once that night incase I woke up and it had all been just a wonderful dream.

Please let my know how you get on, I'll be looking forward so seeing some photo.

 

[MrsWez]

I go through a thousand emotions a day wondering if i will have a baby in 5 1/2 months. Yesterday I had cervical cerclage placed and the whole time I was on the OR table I was thinking is this worth it? Can I have a baby that lives past 20 weeks gestation? Or am I going to leave the hospital empty handed with nothing to prove my child existed and was not a "late term miscarriage". Today however I feel more hopeful knowing I am doing everything I can to protect my baby and help him/her grow. I wouldn't say I'm enjoying this pregnancy but I am trying.

 

[kimbotrav]

Hi,

I'm trying so hard this time round to enjoy my second PAL pregnancy but I feel so anxious and worried all of the time

I suffered 4 losses then had surgery and medication with my beautiful PAL baby who is 18 months old now, I feel so lucky every single day to have him.

I'm now 15 weeks pregnant and have had all the same medication etc as before everything seems to be going the same BUT I can't believe that I'll be lucky enough to have another healthy baby. I'm 2 years older and a lot heavier then last time round so I'm also worried about my health.

I'm booked in for that triple blood test next week so that's keeping me awake on an evening along with all this swine flu news every time you turn the TV on. Then I'll just find something else to worry about, it's never ending.

I didn't even tell anyone that I was PG with my son until I'd had the 20 weeks scan last time and will probably do the same again this time round. i just wish that I could have a normal happy pregnancy and celebrate it like most Mums to be do instead of living in fear, I honestly thought that it would be more enjoyable this time round but sadly I feel like I've been robbed again.

Sorry for the rant I just wanted to get it off my chest as I've go no one else that I can speak to about this.

hi first off im so sorry for ure losses i completely understand i have had 4 mmc and surgery to remove septum and am now pregnant but scared stiff thinking everything i do is going to make me mmc its horrible and im only 3-4 weeks so very early...imy dog really freightened me earlier he yelped and it made me really jsump now im thinking that could cause some thing to be wrong? i know it sounds silly but its so hard to not be constantly on edge ismt it i really hope everything carries on great for u

 

[BabyBinns]

Just wanted to add my little bit here, I lost a son full term in labour in 1998, so it seems like a long long time ago but since then went on to have a son in 2007. I was so sure he was going to not make it into the world I completely disregarded my pregnancy and didn't even really buy anything, until I realised laid on the table having my section that this was actually happening! I'm 37 weeks pregnant at the moment and booked in for another section on the 25th, because of my situation I have to wait until birth to know everything is OK... we made it... these last two weeks are and are going to be hell. I know the feeling only like it was yesterday of going in 40 weeks pregnant in labour and coming out a few days later with a small brown envelope with just pictures and a lock of hair.

I have to keep positive for my son and partner and try to enjoy being pregnant but its very hard and as someone said above, when you have experienced a loss your whole next pregnancy is tainted because you do know what can happen

Try to stay positive, make your own milestones and as you reach them be happy and celebrate

I can't even begin to imagine what you went through, mine were all early and that was hard enough to deal with, a parents worst nightmare I can't think of anything worse then losing a child, it really breaks my heart. I also disregarded my last pregnancy and only bought what I really needed before he was born. I made my Mum keep everything at her house. I remember having my c section it was all a bit of a blur and I never believed that my son would be here until he was on my chest crying. I spent the full night just watching him I never closed my eyes once that night incase I woke up and it had all been just a wonderful dream.

Please let my know how you get on, I'll be looking forward so seeing some photo.

Thanks x My son will be 4 in a weeks time and I still cant believe he is here, I am blessed

I too sat there on the first night and just watched him and probably till he was one I used to lie in bed watching him in his cot and listening to him breathe... When your innocence of pregnancy is tainted then I think your outlook on life completely changes.

 

[Tommee]

hi first off im so sorry for ure losses i completely understand i have had 4 mmc and surgery to remove septum and am now pregnant but scared stiff thinking everything i do is going to make me mmc its horrible and im only 3-4 weeks so very early...imy dog really freightened me earlier he yelped and it made me really jsump now im thinking that could cause some thing to be wrong? i know it sounds silly but its so hard to not be constantly on edge ismt it i really hope everything carries on great for u

I've had the same surgery as yourself I had a septum also that was thought to have caused all my previous m/c's. I was told for about 2 years that I had a bicornuate uterus which was seen on every scan? Then I had a 2D and a 3D scan done by a top sonographer only then did she tell me that no it wasn't it was a septum which my Consultant then operated. Two months later I was pregnant and had my beautiful son I was also on weekly medication which I finished at 14 weeks and still on daily aspirin which I take until 37 weeks.

I'm still constantly on edge everyday, I have a sick feeling in my stomach most of the time with nerves, I carried heavy shopping yesterday to the car and spent the evening worrying.

 

[FierceAngel]

im trying but not enjoying it im terrified x

 

[Anna Purna]

First things first:
CONGRATULATIONS TOMMEE!!!

It's so easy to focus on the bad things and to expect the worst. Why don't we allow ourselves to be happy for once?!?
I just found out yesterday that I'm pregnant again after an ectopic in June. I was so excited, but then after a few minutes I started to get 'the fear' - what if it's an ectopic again? What if I have a miscarriage? What if the HPT was wrong? What if...? ARGHHHH!!!!
So today I've decided to push all the bad thoughts away and try to enjoy it. In a few minutes I'm going to go buy some tasty and healthy groceries for me and the wee one, then I'm going to buy a bath bomb and relax in the tub. I'm going to think good thoughts and plan for the future. I am going to try my best to enjoy this! And so should you!
Good luck.
p.s. Get yourself a ticker. Indulge. Show the BnB world how far along you are.

 

[Tommee]

First things first:
CONGRATULATIONS TOMMEE!!!

It's so easy to focus on the bad things and to expect the worst. Why don't we allow ourselves to be happy for once?!?
I just found out yesterday that I'm pregnant again after an ectopic in June. I was so excited, but then after a few minutes I started to get 'the fear' - what if it's an ectopic again? What if I have a miscarriage? What if the HPT was wrong? What if...? ARGHHHH!!!!
So today I've decided to push all the bad thoughts away and try to enjoy it. In a few minutes I'm going to go buy some tasty and healthy groceries for me and the wee one, then I'm going to buy a bath bomb and relax in the tub. I'm going to think good thoughts and plan for the future. I am going to try my best to enjoy this! And so should you!
Good luck.
p.s. Get yourself a ticker. Indulge. Show the BnB world how far along you are.

Hi,

Thanks for your message, congratulations to you too

I'm glad that your thinking positive, I feel robbed of my pregnancy when I had my DS I really don't want to feel the same this time round. I did promise myself that if I was blessed with another baby I would enjoy every moment of the pregnancy and 'try' not to worry as much, easy to say and so far I've failed BUT I will try harder it's not fair on my DH or DS.

I've taken your advice and added a ticker lol.