Can you judge an act without judging the person committing the act?

[KittyVentura]

And is forming an opinion of something/someone actually a judgement?

Examples:

I might view prostitution as desperately sad (can anyone guess what got me thinking of this one? lol). The act is desperately sad, that some women has to sell herself, for whatever reason. The idea of a woman driven to that really upsets me. However I do not think a woman driven to prostitution IS desperately sad. I feel sorry for her and wish I could help, I wonder what happened to put her where she is today... but I do not judge her for doing what she does (I guess I imagineno-one would unless they had to).

I might view a type of punishment as cruel. But I don't think I can think that without thinking of the person using the punishment as cruel as well.

A mean person might do a nice thing. I could judge the thing they have done as very nice... however my opinion of them being mean still stands so the judgement of the nice act has not made me judge the person as nice.

I guess I'm torn, I think it is possible to judge an act without judging the person but I think it's circumstancial. It depends on the act, the judgement, the strength of that judgement and whether or not you already have an opinion of the person committing the act.

Thoughts? xxx

 

[sjminimac]

i'm going to be a bit leftfield and 'out there' and use CIO as an example. I think the act is desperately sad. I think it's sad that mum's have no other option. I get sad when i think of a mum sat there no doubt in tears themselves listening to their baby cry. But i do not think that aforementioned mum is bad. I think said mum has reached the end of her tether and is doing what she feels is best. No one can ever say a mum doing her best is a bad thing. I think cheating in a relationship is bad. On face value, why stay with someone if you don't love them enough to stay faithful? Does the cheater have no morals? Are they nasty? Or do they cry themselves to sleep every night because they feel so guilty but their partner has torn their self confidence away? Are they physically or emotionally abused? Or do they just not care? It's an interesting question. I think you can judge the act and the person committing it separately, but the lines can most definitely get blurred x

 

[mrs_park]

i'm going to be a bit leftfield and 'out there' and use CIO as an example. I think the act is desperately sad. I think it's sad that mum's have no other option. I get sad when i think of a mum sat there no doubt in tears themselves listening to their baby cry. But i do not think that aforementioned mum is bad. I think said mum has reached the end of her tether and is doing what she feels is best. No one can ever say a mum doing her best is a bad thing. I think cheating in a relationship is bad. On face value, why stay with someone if you don't love them enough to stay faithful? Does the cheater have no morals? Are they nasty? Or do they cry themselves to sleep every night because they feel so guilty but their partner has torn their self confidence away? Are they physically or emotionally abused? Or do they just not care? It's an interesting question. I think you can judge the act and the person committing it separately, but the lines can most definitely get blurred x

You took the words out of my mouth!!

My mum is THE BEST mum in the world. Not just saying that, she really is. She used controlled crying for two out of four of us kids because they would not sleep.she was at the end of her tether and had other children to care for and honestly believed that she was doing the right thing by 'teaching them to sleep'. I don't agree with it, but theres no way I could judge her as a person of mother for it

 

[nomadlife]

Judging acts without knowing the person is very dangerous territory IMHO but we as humans do it anyway. I have learned many times over that you really do not know what a person has been through and just because they make a mistake doesn't mean they are a bad person. We all judge automatically anyway, not necessarily harsh judgments but judgements nonetheless.

And is forming an opinion of something/someone actually a judgement?

Yes... the dictionary defines judge as "form an opinion or conclusion about"

 

[KittyVentura]

And is forming an opinion of something/someone actually a judgement?

Yes... the dictionary defines judge as "form an opinion or conclusion about"

So really... the whole frequently used arguement "I'm not judging, I'm just giving my opinion" is kinda an oxymoron? Lol xx

 

[nomadlife]

And is forming an opinion of something/someone actually a judgement?

Yes... the dictionary defines judge as "form an opinion or conclusion about"

So really... the whole frequently used arguement "I'm not judging, I'm just giving my opinion" is kinda an oxymoron? Lol xx

Haha yeah I guess...

People generally dont like to be told something straight up and bluntly, I guess it is a lot of peoples "go to" when they are trying not to upset someone but share an opposing POV.

 

[jojo_b]

I hate it when people claim not to be judgemental. To never judge would be to never have an opinion, and how bland would that be?! In response to the question, I would judge the act itself, and then judge the act AND context together to give me my opinion of the person. For example, I would judge murder as a bad thing. Then I'd look at the context and if it was a woman who had been abused for years finally snapping and killing her abuser, I would obviously see that as more forgivable than the act committed by a serial killer. Some acts (e.g rape) are so heinous IMO that I struggle to get beyond them and would always abhor the perpetrator, no matter what the context x x

 

[Nibblenic]

Im totally judgmental lol

I really dont think you can seperate them unless you know someone on a intermate level and can make an assesment on the person as well as the act.

Like let move away from CC. Murder as an act I judge it as compltley wrong. However I believe in 'the right to die'. I think anyone who comits murder is also wrong. However I could be nderstanding if a mother killed a man who raped her daughter.

Its all about circumstance and people. Mainly I think any life from spiders to humans are made to make imediate judgments. It is only as humans that we can then also ponder other factors and form an opinion

Which I think a judgment is imediate and an opinion is something more considered. (Just in my head the dictionary may not agree)

 

[nomadlife]

Nibblinc I concur with your assessment that a judgment is immediate, first impression kind of thing and opinion is the more considered version of it.

Every situation, every person has so many different factors it is hard categorically judge any one act. As mentioned above - there are different "levels" of murder depending on circumstances.

I try to not be too opinionated (judgmentalated ) but I do have one or two hot button issues where I am starkly at one end of a debate. I think how you share your POV makes a difference to how it is received as well (I value straight up honesty, and sometimes that comes across as blunt/harsh I'm working on it! ).

 

[sjminimac]

i think to me there's 'opinionated' and 'judgemental'. Yes i know the dictionary definition is the same but the intent behind the label isn't always. To call someone opinionated is like saying they're ballsy, they know their own mind. When someone is branded judgemental it brings to mind images of disapproving old women tutting and shaking their heads and whispering. My husband is opinionated because he always has a lot to say on a lot of matters yet is very live and let live - he knows not everyone is the same and he embraces that. My mother however is judgemental - nothing and no one is ever bloody good enough! That's the difference to me.

 

[jojo_b]

i think to me there's 'opinionated' and 'judgemental'. Yes i know the dictionary definition is the same but the intent behind the label isn't always. To call someone opinionated is like saying they're ballsy, they know their own mind. When someone is branded judgemental it brings to mind images of disapproving old women tutting and shaking their heads and whispering. My husband is opinionated because he always has a lot to say on a lot of matters yet is very live and let live - he knows not everyone is the same and he embraces that. My mother however is judgemental - nothing and no one is ever bloody good enough! That's the difference to me.

Yeh that's a really good point. There's definitely a negative connotation attached to the word "judgmental". Yet you only ever get called it if you're disagreeing with the person who calls you it! If you shared their opinion, they'd just say you talked a lot of sense

 

[Gen79]

SJ said it perfectly. I'm going to have to say, this is why I have trouble on this forum. I love it and the ladies here but there are so many really sensitive touchy people and I've never been known for my candy-coating abilities. I can be quite opinionated about things - and I obviously think that I'm right, otherwise why have an opinion? But that doesn't mean I feel disrespectful toward anyone with a different opinion. My DH and I are the most non-judgemental people I know. Quite simply, I don't have the energy to hate.

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

On one level I think so, yes. On a deeper level maybe no? It would depend on the person's attitude to the act I was judging, too, and why they did it. I don't know.

 

[nomadlife]

@Gen79 haha I lol at "I can be quite opinionated about things - and I obviously think that I'm right, otherwise why have an opinion?"

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

^ I liked that line too!

 

[hb1]

I always feel the intent behind the act is a big swinger of my opinion - again it comes back to knowing the person you are judging....

 

[Lightworker]

Yes! and that is something people find so hard to get. Eg on this forum, I have strong opinions about CC/CIO, however, whenever I state my opinion, people automatically assume I am judging the parent. It is very difficult to get your head round though. I try to explain to people that I think we are all equal, none superior than the other and whatnot, but I don't agree with it, but still people think you are judging them. I hate sitting in judgment of people, I even hate the word judge lol, but in answer, yep you can.

 

[robinator]

I think a big difference on opinion vs. judgment is the agreement factor. For instance, if you agree with what someone says, then they are simply voicing their opinion. If you disagree, then that person is being judgmental! Drives me batty....

 

[Lightworker]

yes I agree- the concept of judging is subjective- eg if I said you are such a great parent, technically that is a judgement, but because it is positive, no one sees it that way. Conversely, if I said you are a thoughtless parent, I would immediately be viewed as judgemental (rightly so). Judgements can appear positive or negative but the tendency is to pick on the negative ones.

 

[nomadlife]

Judgements can appear positive or negative but the tendency is to pick on the negative ones.

Above is so true. I try not to be a judgmental b*tch but sometimes I slip up, I think it is human nature!!