cannot decide whether to or not

[angelmummy]

Hi everyone

I have birth to my stillborn son on 26.02.08. He was 39 weeks and 6 days. There was no reason for his death.

I then went on to have my rainbow baby born screaming 23.09.09.

Deep down i want another baby but keep telling everyone, even my partner, family and friends that i dont want anymore children, but deep down i do desperately and cannot imagine never being pregnant again even though i had such a traumatic time giving birth to my angel.

i know i have had a rainbow baby the fear it might happen again never goes away and i am terrified that i could suffer again.

i also have a ds who is 5.

why is it even after a successful subsequent pregnancy the fear never goes away.

 

[jojo23]

so sorry for your loss hun.. i lost a little girl at 22 weeks and im desperately trying to get pregnant again!!

i think for a while after i had her fear took over and i kept saying i didnt want to try again, but then i realised that i couldnt lie to myself any longer and when i talked to my OH he felt the same! so here we are trying again and i couldnt be happier

ill be terrified that it will happen again but the pro's are definitely outweighing the cons as far as i can see.

if its what you both want deep down then go for it, all you can do is have faith that it will work out xxxxxxxxxxx

best of luck

 

[Delish]

Hugs to you hon. I think the thing is when you've had a stillborn child the fear can never entirely go away, even if you had 100 perfect pregnancies & babies, because we're no longer innocent. We know that anything can happen, even though it's so unlikely, because we don't get to think anymore that these things only happen to other people. I know I never knew what a luxury that innocence was before.

I hope you make the right choice for you and if you go ahead find ways to manage that fear. I know I need to find some myself. xxx

 

[holymoly]

I've got no good advice but so sorry for everyone's losses. I can't imagine how heartbreaking this would be. I'm sure the future will work out just fine, no matter what you decide xx

 

[kelzyboo]

I have no advice hun, i lost my second child Evan when he was 7 days old, 27th may 2011, i haven't had my rainbow yet, i'll be ttc september but i just wanted to wish you luck xx

As for the fear, i don't think it will ever really go away, i carried my first child to 39 weeks and had a healthy natural delivery, the consultant said i should hold onto that, that i can and have had a healthy baby but the fear of what happened to our Angels will always be there no matter how many rainbows we have!

I wish you all the best hun, good luck ttc and i hope you get another rainbow very soon! We are all here if you ever need to talk xx