Hi i am 22, 23 in a few days. Im 20 weeks pregnant and so depressed. My FOB isn't in the picture and never really was, my morning sickness was so severe I couldn't keep a job and I ended up moving back in with my parents. My relationship with my FOB was rocky before sand when i became pregnant we weren't even together. When I told him all he said to me was congratulations and the cold remarks did not stop there. He bombarded me with abortions suggestions basically bullying me into one, made sure I knew his family would never accept me or his child, and assuring me that I had effectively ruined my life, his and any chance of us having a relationship by keeping this child.
I feel like his emotional abuse has severely handicapped my ability to feel proud and happy about this baby. I feel robbed of having a joyful pregnancy, I feel robbed of a loving supportive partner through one of the most vulnerable moments of my life. I love him and still miss him everyday and I dont understand why. He has done one f the most despicable things that a man is capable of and yet I just we he wuld come back so I could forgive him for everything and we can move on. I know this will never happen because he does not think that any of his actions are wrong and that he is completely justified in leaving me with this child because out differences cannot be worked out and he has a career ahead of him to achieve and owning up to his responsibility of his child will just drag him down.
Everyone keeps telling me to focus on myself and my baby but when I look at myself I just feel like a sad case. I am unmotivated to do anything and emotionally drained and tired. I am stressed because I am tired, still trying to finish the last 7 classes in my degree but honestly have no motivation to get my school work done. I feel like I am teetering on this dark precipice and the anxiety of if I will fall in or not is worse than actually falling.
Whenever I think about my baby feelings of love are drowned with anger and pain. I feel angry for my child because they deserve a loving home instead of someone too selfish to put aside petty arguments and hurt feelings. I feel sad that Im going to raise this child alone. I am so scared that Im gonna screw it up because my FOB has made sure I know he doesn't want to raise a child that has anything to do with me because I will not raise a good one. What kind of person lies with someone that way and then denies their child? Why would you have sex without someone if you are not willing to own up when the chips fall where they may?
I am so confused and bruised and just tired of being in this emotional whirlwind.
My brain knows I am capable of being a good mom, my brain knows I am capable of finishing my degree, I know I am worthy of love and forgiveness and sacrifice but it really makes no difference if the heart doesn't that way.
I have family around but I just don;t think they understand the type of pain I am dealing with, my friends all live 2 hours away from me since I moved and I am just feeling extremely lonely of and like my support system is tired of my same old sob story and tears.
I feel like I have tried everything from going on walks, praying, counselling, busying myself with school but nothing seems to alleviate this cloud of anger and hurt that somehow constantly finds its way back over my head. HELP.
I feel like his emotional abuse has severely handicapped my ability to feel proud and happy about this baby. I feel robbed of having a joyful pregnancy, I feel robbed of a loving supportive partner through one of the most vulnerable moments of my life. I love him and still miss him everyday and I dont understand why. He has done one f the most despicable things that a man is capable of and yet I just we he wuld come back so I could forgive him for everything and we can move on. I know this will never happen because he does not think that any of his actions are wrong and that he is completely justified in leaving me with this child because out differences cannot be worked out and he has a career ahead of him to achieve and owning up to his responsibility of his child will just drag him down.
Everyone keeps telling me to focus on myself and my baby but when I look at myself I just feel like a sad case. I am unmotivated to do anything and emotionally drained and tired. I am stressed because I am tired, still trying to finish the last 7 classes in my degree but honestly have no motivation to get my school work done. I feel like I am teetering on this dark precipice and the anxiety of if I will fall in or not is worse than actually falling.
Whenever I think about my baby feelings of love are drowned with anger and pain. I feel angry for my child because they deserve a loving home instead of someone too selfish to put aside petty arguments and hurt feelings. I feel sad that Im going to raise this child alone. I am so scared that Im gonna screw it up because my FOB has made sure I know he doesn't want to raise a child that has anything to do with me because I will not raise a good one. What kind of person lies with someone that way and then denies their child? Why would you have sex without someone if you are not willing to own up when the chips fall where they may?
I am so confused and bruised and just tired of being in this emotional whirlwind.
My brain knows I am capable of being a good mom, my brain knows I am capable of finishing my degree, I know I am worthy of love and forgiveness and sacrifice but it really makes no difference if the heart doesn't that way.
I have family around but I just don;t think they understand the type of pain I am dealing with, my friends all live 2 hours away from me since I moved and I am just feeling extremely lonely of and like my support system is tired of my same old sob story and tears.
I feel like I have tried everything from going on walks, praying, counselling, busying myself with school but nothing seems to alleviate this cloud of anger and hurt that somehow constantly finds its way back over my head. HELP.