Cant come to terms with my emergency C-section...making my PPD worse too

[HappiestMom]

I ended up having an emergency c-section when wanted I wanted was a natural water birth..I know it was best for LO (turns out her cord was in a tight knot) and I was ok with it at the time because I was just caught up in it all...was only in labor for 7 hours before had to have Csection.....but now its come back to haunt me and its all I can think about..that and my hospital stay (hubby left me alone the 2nd and 3rd night because he was getting sick..is diabetic..and couldnt get any rest there) I just cant get over it now...I wanted to be able to push her out..hold her right away...I didnt get to hold her for 3 hours because it took a while to fix me up and then I was shaking so bad from the epidural that I couldnt hold her for another hour or two once back in the room... I just dont know how to get over it..or how I can get over it...Ive told my hubby how abandoned I felt since he wasnt there when I needed him..even though I had tons of nurses and stuff there for me..its just not the way I had thought any of it would happen...but he just doesnt understand... Ive always been a loner friend wise so dont have ANY close friends really to talk to about it..Im home alone with LO all day during the week while hubby is at work and the PPD is just killing me and getting worse and worse...and I know this is one of the biggest reasons for it..or atleast one of the things that sets of crying fits...

 

[KateyCakes]

You're only 2 weeks PP sweet. Give it time, it's still raw in your head.

In the meantime, nothing anyone says will make you feel better right? I hated the old 'well at least she's here and healthy, that's the main thing' -well yes it is, but it doesn't help you to come to terms with the way your birth experience went.

I had to be put to sleep for my section, DH wasn't allowed in the room and he didn't see her for 2 hours after her birth, I didn't see her for 7 hours and when I did, I was so drowsy, that I can't remember when I first saw her or how I felt.
I have PPD and also post traumatic stress due to the events leading up to my section and having a life threatening condition.

I'm writing this for you to know that you're not alone and you don't have to suffer alone either. I found going for a little walk around the garden with LO helped, just to get some fresh air. Maybe plan a day out for when you feel more up to it.
Sorry I'm not good with advice but I hope you feel better soon and I'll send you lots of hugs!

 

[HappiestMom]

thanks hun..every little bit of advice and sympathy helps...hubby and LO and I went out today to the store and it didnt make me feel any better unfortunately like I thought it would..I just feel like a shell of my oldself..not happy and joking like I normally am..just going through the motions... its supposed to be nice out Monday...hubby goes to work so I might try to take LO up to the park by the river and walk just to get out and break up the monotony of the day..just kill time so I wont be home alone so much..

 

[KateyCakes]

It's taken me 6 months to feel a little better, trying to keep on top of housework and LO. It takes time to get over PPD, even though you feel like you just want it over and done with. I still have down days when I feel like I can't cope and don't want to do anything.

 

[vintage67]

It's natural you would feel this way, as you dreamed and thought of your baby's birth for months. I have had 2 sections and they do not bother me, but I can relate to your pain by substituting breastfeeding. I wasn't able to BF my first son and became very close to suicidal over it.

We are again facing issues with this baby, and while I am a bit down over it, I refuse to let myself fall that far again. People's comments can definitely make it worse. Several comments on a so-called breastfeeding "support" site were what almost pushed me over the edge.

Will be thinking of you.