Can't cope, just in despair

[Dezireey]

Been crying on and off all day. Not sure if most of you know my back story but in a nutshell FOB left me after 3 years together telling me he couldn't cope with having another kid after his 5 year old son died and wanted nothing to do with LO. I believed this, until I found out after our son was born and contacted CSA that he has a child who is very much alive. Unforgivable and horrible lies.

I found out more lies today. A close friend called and they were just as baffled as me to tell me that he has started up a website with his own business on it and he actually mentions 'father and daughter time' and pictures of him out with his daughter. and how great family time is. WTF? he has a daughter?, not a son? and he actually spends time with her, yet wont even ask how my son is? He is also buying a new Audi and running his own business! He says he was poor, Poverty my arse!

He is also in a new relationship with someone who looks like she is 15! I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety today and I cant understand the immense cruelty of this man, it beggars belief. Just when I think I am all okay and fine, out comes yet another discovery of a lie! It makes me sick. She has posted how amazing he is and he is saying how wonderful it is to have someone who is so patient and understanding of him!

I hope she breaks his heart severely and his small willy shrivels up with herpes.

 

[Hayleykins05]

Hey Hun,
I am so sorry that you've found out this horrible information! I can't imagine how you must be feeling, what he's done is completely unforgivable. My sister's ex is just like yours, she has 3 year old twins with him and they've only been split up for a few months but already he's moved on with her 'best friend' so I do know how hard it can be.

At the end of the day your son doesn't need him in his life if he's a serial liar! Men try and pull the wool over women's eyes and it works for a time but in the end his true colours will show and he will end up a lonely old man with nobody around him!

As far as your depression goes I have battled with it since I was 15 and this has to be such a blow for you. If you ever need to talk I'm always around with a sympathetic ear.

Stay strong x

 

[Dezireey]

Thank you

If it wasn't for my little boy I would probably have gone to pieces ages ago. He has driven me to pure anxiety and depression. Makes me sick to see some younger woman fawning over him thinking he is amazing and lovely. If she only knew the truth! You feel like screaming and shouting to the world 'HELLO! this is what this man has done!' he has been emotionally blackmailing me from day one and it was all just a lying sob story.

Thank you for offering to talk.

 

[Hayleykins05]

Thank you

If it wasn't for my little boy I would probably have gone to pieces ages ago. He has driven me to pure anxiety and depression. Makes me sick to see some younger woman fawning over him thinking he is amazing and lovely. If she only knew the truth! You feel like screaming and shouting to the world 'HELLO! this is what this man has done!' he has been emotionally blackmailing me from day one and it was all just a lying sob story.

Thank you for offering to talk.

I know what you mean but she'll soon see the light, men like that often eff up quickly and the cracks begin to show. You focus on you and your son, he's the no good lying you know what in all this!

 

[yazzy]

I hope in time you'll be able to see how much better off you and your son are without this man.

It might not sound much but try every day to do something with your son and sometimes with your friends that makes you smile...the more you smile the more infectious it becomes.

Remember you are worth more than this and don't let the actions of another person ruin you...you are here to enjoy your life, hugs x

 

[Ceejay123]

Wow, stories of your ex never cease to amazeme.. Deadbeat.

I hope you're okay honey x

 

[Dezireey]

Thanks

The best way I can make him suffer is continuing through CSA. For a year he avoided child support due to pleading poverty and asking me to take pity on him (which I did). I am ashamed I got involved with someone like that and I am in a fog of depression right now. Always knew the day would come when I found out he had someone else but it hurts like he left yesterday. I do hope she breaks his heart severely. He can then have the bad karma overdue to him. I will never let him near my son, he is unbalanced. I don't even believe him when he says he has a daughter.She must be grown up and how the hell would you hide that for three years? He is crazy bonkers.

 

[Ceejay123]

Yeah he's probably just trying to get at you honey. Anyone that has kids / is proud of them and loves them tells you from day one! I knew my other half had a son (on the way at the time) from the minute I met him because he was incredibly excited. When we got closer and it seemed we were going to become a couple, he opened up more and told me everything about it. Guys that love their kids/are proud don't hide them away!

Any guy that doesn't have that feeling of pride and love, needs kicking to the curb. Don't waste another tear on this deadbeat. X

 

[Dezireey]

Just got off the phone from a good friend. She actually knows the mother of his new girlfriend and the girlfriend is 17! He is 40! Oh my god! Ewww

She was a friend of the Mother on facebook and told her all about me and what he did. The mother then just blocked my friend?!

What is wrong with some women? Honestly, they trust what a man tells them and take it as truth? I was not happy that my mate did that but at the very least if she didn't believe her,it will sow a seed of doubt in the mother/ girlfriends head about how unbalanced he is. Lets hope he doesn't treat another person as badly as he has treated me.

 

[Mummy1995]

I'm sorry hun. Massive hugs

Must be so upsetting to uncover yet more lies and just devastating that he will see his other child but not yours.

I hope you can see that you and your son are much better without him, remember he is the only one losing out here, because really, what benefit would your son get having someone like that in his life? Your ex seems to be digging a hole too because if I was his daughter and I found out when I was older that I had a brother and that my dad had kept me from him, I'd hate him and would never be able to forgive him for that.

Karma will get him one day, and I promise that you will also one day be able to not give him a seconds thought xx

 

[teal]

Massive hugs I'm sorry you're having to deal with all this. xx

 

[Zondon]

Hi there,

First of all, I'm really sorry you're dealing with all this. Being a single parent is hard enough without the emotional ups and downs revelations about an ex (and especially an ex like that, with so many secrets and lies) bring....

I know what I'm about to say isn't what's usually done and I'm truly not saying it in any way that is judgemental in the slightest; I'm saying it as a woman who's experienced first hand the kind of upset and mayhem such men can put us through: If I was in your shoes, and this is just me here, I would stop. I mean I would just stop everything; I'd stop talking to him on the phone or via text or with any other way, I'd stop talking to people who know him and who want to talk about him, I'd stop the CSA issue, I would just....stop. I would distance myself from everything about him and give myself the time and space to get over this and move forward. The internet is a very awkward medium, so I'm not sure how what I'm saying is coming across but I assure you I mean it in the best possible way and am only saying it because....I've been there and been through it and when I did go through it I almost drowned...

I firmly believe that you adore your son and are a person who wants to be well and live a good life. It just sounds like you're not over this man and what he's done to you and your LO (and I'm not saying you should be over this man nor am I saying that what he's done isn't horrifying) and more importantly it just sounds like this guy's presence in your life (even when it's not immediate, but like the online stuff you're saying) is toxic for you and your mental health....

I really wish I had a magic potion that could make all women instantly get over men who are such gigantic idiots that they would abandon their child and their child's mother and that there could be a way those same men could get their heads conked together or something in hopes their brains may move a little bit and they might actually become decent human beings after that...

In the absence of such a magic potion, maybe the answer is to erase such men from our lives, find comfort in our children, our extended families and friends and to just try and do the best we can for ourselves every single day....

Loads and loads of hugs....

Zondon

 

[Dezireey]

Thanks sweetheart. I needed to hear that. He is toxic, thoroughly toxic. I realise that now with some medication to help with the anxiety and depression, hopefully I will start to think clearer and not want 'answers' all the time. I have said it to others on here and it applies to myself, yes, it is best to completely erase these men from your life if you can. If there is a horrible ex who doesn't want to see his own child, then, from this horrible experience I have had which has affected me mentally, I recommend to anyone to NEVER stay in contact nor contact your ex if he leaves both you and child.

All I can describe it as is like having an open, painful wound that I am picking at and not letting heal.

Thanks again, you ladies on here are lovely xx