Can't cope with daycare- advice?

[aliss]

Alex has been in a gym daycare for less than 1 hour a few times now. There's been about 2 weeks in between each visit. He really can't cope with it, he bursts out crying the second I try to leave, then she settles him, but he's super fussy and then eventually I need to come get him and leave.

I know he's being treated well - there is a 'nanny cam' in the women's section and I can watch him the whole time. He's just not used to it, he's a very routine-dependent baby (his choice, not mine), and can't cope with any change.

Should I keep putting him in and he can eventually get used to it? I don't know what to do, it's really upsetting to him but I don't think it's unreasonable for him to spend 1 hour playing in a daycare!!

 

[stepmummy]

I would guess that perseverence (as with most things within reason!) is probably key here. Also, if it's possible to plan the visits closer together that might help. As everyone says, babies thrive on routine. So perhaps do the same few things before you leave in a kind of pre-daycare routine and see if he gets any better after a few times. I'm sure they're used to babies resisting being left in their care initially.

Also, would you feel comfortable having him distracted by someone with some toys while you sneak out? I know it's best to wave goodbye and comfort them when you're leaving but it might work for a short burst of time?

 

[Scampie]

Dont babies also get clingy around the 8 month stage? Could be a bit of seperation anxiety kicking in. I agree with step mummy. Dont stop going, as thats not gonna make the situation any better, its just avoiding it. Does he stay with anyone else at all? Just wondered if its just daycare he doesnt like, or if its you leaving him in general.

 

[aliss]

I would guess that perseverence (as with most things within reason!) is probably key here. Also, if it's possible to plan the visits closer together that might help. As everyone says, babies thrive on routine. So perhaps do the same few things before you leave in a kind of pre-daycare routine and see if he gets any better after a few times. I'm sure they're used to babies resisting being left in their care initially.

Also, would you feel comfortable having him distracted by someone with some toys while you sneak out? I know it's best to wave goodbye and comfort them when you're leaving but it might work for a short burst of time?

Thanks that is all really good advice. I'm sure if I was more consistent I think that would really help (it's more or less my lazy ass not wanting to work out, LOL)

 

[aliss]

Dont babies also get clingy around the 8 month stage? Could be a bit of seperation anxiety kicking in. I agree with step mummy. Dont stop going, as thats not gonna make the situation any better, its just avoiding it. Does he stay with anyone else at all? Just wondered if its just daycare he doesnt like, or if its you leaving him in general.

Thanks, I'm not sure what it is. My mom isn't available to take him for a few hours anymore (we have no friends or family here) but OH was off work until just 2 weeks ago and he didn't have an issue with that sudden separation but of course I always did all the work anyways You're right I should not avoid the situation

 

[stepmummy]

I think Scampie's probably right too about the separation anxiety. Has he shown any signs of that elsewhere?

I'm proper old school when it comes to parenting! I'm very much of the mind that if they resist but I know it's for their own good, I will always persevere. Might be starting a little early but hey ho!

He'll probably end up chilling out and really enjoying himself once he realises that that's the way things are! I hope so anyway for your sake I've never really been one for exercise but these days, I love it because it's proper me time and I can daydream about how fab I'll look for my wedding!I hope...

 

[Bee26]

Hiya Hun,
Ive put my little one in nursery for 2 21/2 hr sessions a week in prep for going back to work, hes 91/2 months and has been going since 8 months. I found that after the break over xmas he was quite upset the first time going back. My only advice would be to try and take him more often, decrease the amount of time inbetween visits so its not such a shock to the system when he goes again. Hope it gets better for you xxxxx

 

[kiwimama]

I would try and make it a regular thing, 2-3 times a week. He'll get used to it and it will become part of his routine and then eventually he'll love being dropped off.

 

[aliss]

Thanks you girls are right

Crap, now I gotta work out there 3x a week But it's good for both of us then... $3 an hour, I can't refuse.

 

[Murphy98]

Aliss do you think the daycare would allow you to go for a few sessions where you stay with him and he gets used to the room and the toys etc? Then you can start leaving for more and more time till you are at an hour? That is a lot of work I know to go to the gym lol!, but perhaps this would help? I am planning on doing this for our daycare when I go back to work - I know this is a different circumstance but just an idea

 

[aliss]

Aliss do you think the daycare would allow you to go for a few sessions where you stay with him and he gets used to the room and the toys etc? Then you can start leaving for more and more time till you are at an hour? That is a lot of work I know to go to the gym lol!, but perhaps this would help? I am planning on doing this for our daycare when I go back to work - I know this is a different circumstance but just an idea

No that's a nice idea actually!! I'm sure they wouldn't mind, I can ask them! Thanks

 

[Lu28]

I'm afraid my answer is also going to encourage the increased exercise regime!! When we were settling Aisling into childcare, we were told that the shorter sessions should all take place in the one week because any longer and there's too much of a gap and they won't get used to it so you're starting all over again

 

[Seraphim]

I'm sorry Alex has been finding it a bit much :/

Making it more regular will probably help - but I guess it's not the only option.

H had her only ever real 'separation anxiety' which was just about being near me from 8.5-9.5 months. And once that passed she was soooooooooo much happier to be off without me.

I'm sure you'll make it work whichever way you choose, I just get frustrated when using repetition is recommended as the only option for overcoming upset. They do develop and become more independent, and when I was thinking 'Ooooh my days will I ever be able to do x, y, z' I would have loved for someone to point it out to me