justmeinlove
Zog
- Joined
- Jan 26, 2012
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Hi all
I thought maybe if i laid out my concerns, you could all be kind and let me know your thoughts. We keep going to try for #2 but then my anxiety over it kicks in hugely. I'm sure my husband would love for sex to stop turning into a discussion about babies... :-/
Honestly this has all come up because our daughter is Desperate for a sibling. If it weren't for that, I think given the anxieties, we'd stick to one, even though I do think our little girl is Awesome.
So.
Reasons to:
Children are awesome
Our little girl Really wants a sibling
Breastfeeding is great
Reasons to get on with it asap
I am nearly 39
Our little girl is over 3 and we are already veering into an age gap that worries me
Anxieties
At the moment when we die she will inherit a house. If she is an adult and has financial problems we will be able to help her. Add a sibling and you get half a house and more dubious helping levels.
If she goes to school and gets bullied, at the moment we could maybe manage a private school. With a sibling, no chance
I don't have a sibling, although I really wanted one. I don't want a second child to spoil our daughter's life. What if they don't like each other. All of the things i fear And they didn't get on seems something i would always regret...?
We have £500 in savings and no real pension yet. We were going to start saving for one after she starts school next year. I am 38 and husband is 40.
Husband is currently diagnosed with severe depression
Husband has used five weeks of paid sick leave and is now on unpaid sick leave
Our first was a really hard baby with reflux (undiagnosed to start with) so basically screamed for three months. I didn't sleep and hated my life. I probably had undiagnosed pnd and husband definitely had depression and considered suicide
Hideous traumatising delivery
General fear I will die during pregnancy or delivery
Some paranoia about body sagging irretrievably and me hating myself
My inability to function on no sleep. I become horrible horrible and our first woke every two hours at night for two years and still does some.
We have no support network
Our first has been really hard on our marriage. We love each other more than air but even so sleep deprivation, a constantly screaming baby, not enough time for each other , sleep deprivation...i am terrified of the impact of doing it again.
We got rid of all our baby stuff so it wouldn't exactly be a free experience
Unsure of the financial impact and aware that my husband, due to his childhood, has real anxiety over having no money
We've never had enough money to do our wild crazy things. I want to go on some amazing holidays and travel. Will a second child destroy that forever?
Possible opportunities:
I want to move closer to the sea. If we find the right place maybe we could get a bigger house, save some money and find friends all in one go...
Basically i guess I don't want to do it and just ruin everything...
I thought maybe if i laid out my concerns, you could all be kind and let me know your thoughts. We keep going to try for #2 but then my anxiety over it kicks in hugely. I'm sure my husband would love for sex to stop turning into a discussion about babies... :-/
Honestly this has all come up because our daughter is Desperate for a sibling. If it weren't for that, I think given the anxieties, we'd stick to one, even though I do think our little girl is Awesome.
So.
Reasons to:
Children are awesome
Our little girl Really wants a sibling
Breastfeeding is great

Reasons to get on with it asap
I am nearly 39
Our little girl is over 3 and we are already veering into an age gap that worries me
Anxieties
At the moment when we die she will inherit a house. If she is an adult and has financial problems we will be able to help her. Add a sibling and you get half a house and more dubious helping levels.
If she goes to school and gets bullied, at the moment we could maybe manage a private school. With a sibling, no chance

I don't have a sibling, although I really wanted one. I don't want a second child to spoil our daughter's life. What if they don't like each other. All of the things i fear And they didn't get on seems something i would always regret...?

We have £500 in savings and no real pension yet. We were going to start saving for one after she starts school next year. I am 38 and husband is 40.
Husband is currently diagnosed with severe depression
Husband has used five weeks of paid sick leave and is now on unpaid sick leave
Our first was a really hard baby with reflux (undiagnosed to start with) so basically screamed for three months. I didn't sleep and hated my life. I probably had undiagnosed pnd and husband definitely had depression and considered suicide

Hideous traumatising delivery
General fear I will die during pregnancy or delivery
Some paranoia about body sagging irretrievably and me hating myself
My inability to function on no sleep. I become horrible horrible and our first woke every two hours at night for two years and still does some.
We have no support network
Our first has been really hard on our marriage. We love each other more than air but even so sleep deprivation, a constantly screaming baby, not enough time for each other , sleep deprivation...i am terrified of the impact of doing it again.
We got rid of all our baby stuff so it wouldn't exactly be a free experience
Unsure of the financial impact and aware that my husband, due to his childhood, has real anxiety over having no money
We've never had enough money to do our wild crazy things. I want to go on some amazing holidays and travel. Will a second child destroy that forever?
Possible opportunities:
I want to move closer to the sea. If we find the right place maybe we could get a bigger house, save some money and find friends all in one go...
Basically i guess I don't want to do it and just ruin everything...