cant make friends and im lonely

[skittlewatson]

Not sure if this is the right forum but im having a hard time and need a moan! I am 24,an raf wife with 2 children (7 months and 2 years) ive never really had many friend s through life,2 friends ive had since we were 4 are my closest friends but we are at such diff stages in life we have nothing in common any more. I had one very ckose friebd,the kind who was like a sis and we lived in each others pockets until she took my boyfriend when we were 17. Since then ive really hsd no friends. Being a military wife i live on base with other raf wifes around and whilst i have friends whom i see when our children socialise ive never got close to any of them and not from trying. I always ask thrm to do something but it never comes to anything. Yet i see the m getting close,2 even joke that their periods are syncing. Whilst i love my hubby and babies i feel lonely and bored all day whilst hes at work as im always just mum. �why cant i why cant i make friends 😞 i have noone i can feel i can ring at anytime for anything. My hubby and babies are my best friends.

 

[Kitteh_Kat]

I'm kind of the same way, except I prefer not to socialize too much. I'm quite content with the hubby, daughter, and cats.

I don't know if it's the same over there, but here they are always doing something on post that are targeted to interest groups. Coupon swaps, princess/super hero lunches, fitness/group walks, etc. If you guys have those, have you tried going to one to see if you can find someone that has some of the same likes as you? I'd also try to branch off post if you can, and meet non-military people. Volunteering is also a good way to meet others while doing something nice.

 

[seoj]

It's tough hun- especially after we have hubbies and kids... when I was young and un-attached it was easy to meet up and have girls nights. But since, it's really just my bestie that I see often (and she's moving to be with her fiance in Nov to another state- and although I'm thrilled for her, it's gonna be tough). Other than her- I really have no super close freinds- and the other friends I do have are either flakey, or live far away or so busy we rarely find the time to meet up... which, I guess didn't bother me AS much being that I had my best friend close by- but I can imagine it's gonna be harder once she's 1,000 miles away!

My point is- sorry for the tangent- it's HARD to make new friends. I do notice that a lot of mom's mean well- or talk a good game of "let's get together soon"- but then they flake or lose track of time. It's just tough.

Could you maybe join a group or find activities you enjoy (with or without LO) or even join a gym and meet other mom's there? Just some thoughts. I think if you find that common ground with someone- it makes it easier. IDK- sorry I've no better input... I get how hard it can be though.

 

[yellowglow]

I totally agree with the previous poster join groups- meet people.. When I was pregnant with my 2nd, I moved to the other side of the country with my spouse. Although I am not military, I was a stay at home mom in an area where I knew no one, and my family was time zones away. I cried for months, begging my husband to take me out without the children, but he never did. Even if he could we didn’t have anyone to watch the babies. So I eventually made it online and began meeting other moms in the area.

After months of mom’s groups (3 to be exact) and 3 different groups, I made a friend. Not like a fake friend.. a real mom friend that you invite over to each other’s houses. We’d meet up (just us two) with our sons for playdates and chat about stuff. It was great. Until I took her for granted and used her for childcare one day. Although she had offered, I think I blurred the friendship line by doing that It was only for 1 hour!!

Even with that, she still came to my oldest’s birthday party, bringing her husband.. but after our husbands met, she never returned my phone calls. I don’t know if it was a combination of the childcare need or my family (I am very different than my husband) but it hurt to lose her as a friend.. however it was fun while it lasted. Hopefully my ramble is helpful.

 

[ItsJana]

I completely understand what you mean. I thought once my oldest started school it would be easier to make friends. I tried talking with people, and it all seemed like everything was heading in the right direction, but the friendships never developed beyond anything superficial. It's harder to make friends as you get older, and I feel like because I can be way too forgiving and easy going people can take advantage of that, and have no problem walking all over me. There are people who only talk to me when they want to brag about something or want something from me (my time, money, a babysitter etc). I've had terrible experiences with toxic "friends" these past couple of years and I'm done with it. I really felt lonely at first and like there was something wrong with me, but considering what everything was like before, I'm much more happier this way.

 

[ItsJana]

I do notice that a lot of mom's mean well- or talk a good game of "let's get together soon"- but then they flake or lose track of time. It's just tough.

Yep that's something I've dealt with before and on way too many occasions, I never tell my kids about meeting up with their friends until I know foresure the day of if things are actually going to happen. It pisses me off when people flake out or even worse make up lies to get out of it and then you find out.

 

[StarrySkies]

I'm the same. I literally have one friend but I've noticed that since she's got with her new bloke she rarely texts or anything anymore (unless she wants something or a favour) and it drives me a bit mad to be honest *sigh*

I had youngest son when I was 17, so naturally all my friends were still out having a good time and didn't want to bother with me so we lost touch years ago. I've not spoken to any of my old school friends for 13 years (sounds pretty dire when you write it down)

I've just signed myself up to some mother and baby groups in the next town but I'm reluctant to give them a go as I hate walking in to places on my own for starters, and secondly I can't seem to make friends to save my life because I'm so shy. It's like I'm stuck in a hole really. I'm starting to feel a bit depressed too so I need to try and get out. It's just doing it!!

Anyway, I know I've not helped much but if you ever fancy a chat just message me if you like. I don't mind
X

 

[littlesteph]

Hi My hubby just left the raf, we were based at Odiham but lived at bordon which is full of army, I also had and still have a hard time making friends that I feel I can talk about anything too. doesn't help being shy lol.
Being a forces wife is never easy. your away from everyone you know and just feel so isolated. I barely got out of the house because I didn't know anyone. didn't really have any friends.
I tried going to baby groups but found them very clicky. I have a 18 month old and a 6 month old.
You get quite a few people say they'd like to met up but never end up meeting. The day my hubby told me he PPRed was one of the best.

 

[OnyxSnowfall]

I have a similar problem too! I'm not on a military base but... I haven't had a close female friend for years!

I had my oldest when I was 18, and most of my friends were in a way different place in their lives. The ones that weren't, were into drugs so I withdrew from them when I was pregnant because I didn't want such things around my baby.

I did make a few female friends when I went to college a couple of years ago... BUT they got into drugs (they were a little younger than I, but also had children).

Grr sometimes I just want a lady to go abouts with lol.

And I HATE SHALLOW RELATIONSHIPS.

I can't stand the constant proper polite empty blargh crap. Honestly I have no idea how to make a close female friend at this point in my life LOL. But I definitely sometimes wish I could! Haven't ever went to groups or anything like that. It's prolly worth trying.

Too bad none of us live closer! LoL.