Career before having a family?

[MartinaLynn]

Hi everyone. I'm so stressed out I'm about to burst into tears. I've already cried alot over this lastnight. Here's my story. OH and I were currently WTT until October. Then we were going to TTC then. Well, I've been on a waiting list for the Diagnostic Medical Sonography (ultrasound) program at a local college for a year now. I was told back then that it was a 3-4 year wait. It was a very competetive process to get on the waiting list but I did it!

Sooo, I got a letter in the mail yesterday stating that it's my turn to enroll in classes already next fall! I thought "noooooooo, i'm supposed to be having a baby then!". Turns out the waiting list got a lot shorter in the meantime Apparently I can delay my enrollment for 1 year and that's it. So I either start school next August, or in two years from now. So now I'm faced with the choice, delay having a baby and start next August already. Or have a baby now, and start school in two years. I'm so stressed thinking about this. I know it will be way harder to go to school with a little one. I figured the school thing wasn't going to happen for another 2 or 3 years! If I don't start my classes either in Aug 2010 or Aug 2011, I will get booted off the waiting list and will have to reapply.

Anyone regret putting college before having baby, or having babies before going to college??? Please, I need advice. Anything. it kills me to know that we may not TTC for another 3 years.

 

[Lilaala]

Hey hun, first off, big hugs.

I'm afraid all I can offer is what I would decide myself if I were in your position, and that would be to have the baby and then go to school with a little one. I have seen several times women posting on here that they had their babies in their teens but pursued their education at the same time, and they always said it was not easy but it was a matter of determination and it was worth it.

My personal philosophy is that life is too short to postpone the things that really matter to you. If it's upsetting you this much to think about waiting to have the baby, then I wouldn't wait.

Obviously your spouse's opinion is to be considered, as it will be his baby too, but I don't see a reason why you can't do both baby and school if you are willing to do the work. How long is the program? What sort of childcare options do you/will you have? Perhaps some research into all of your options will help you come to your decision?

Good luck hun!

 

[lozzy21]

I would put off ttc untill after the corse. You have a lot longer time frame to have a child than to do this corse. Im gessing it would mean a pay rise?

You may not get this opertnity again and doing it with a child im sure would be do-able but harder.

You also need to think of the financial side of it. Could you afford nursary fees and running a house with a child while you are studying?

At the end of the day its up to you and your OH.

 

[kintenda]

Personally, at the moment, I am going to apply for nursing for next year or 2010. If I apply for next year and we are able to fall preg before the start, I'll defer the start date. If not, we may well continue TTC throughout the course.
It's a personal choice at the end of the day babe. Our method might sound mad to some, reasonable to others. xx

 

[kirstylm]

Hi hun, sounds to me from your reaction your heart is telling you the answer already. Think about what you want most!! I used to be all for career but now Im married with a family home, all I want is a baby!
Maybe if you have a baby now, your mind set will be different anyway and all you'll want to do is have more babies and be a full time mum??!! Who knows! If you wait and go to college now, will it be a waste if you just going to come out of it and have babies anyway???
Think about what you really want deep down. Sure it's great to have a career behind you and if you have been waiting for this oppertunity for years and it's come along sooner, is that a sign??
So many questions? I can understand your confusuion! But will waiting 2 years make any odd's???
Keep us updated with your decsions, talk to your other half about it too. xxx

 

[nm123]

How old are you Martina? I think this makes a difference........

Having seen a colleague put a career before a baby and then struggle with IVF for 5 years (and still no joy - both fertile, just not matching up) I'm tempted to say go for it now. However - she was 33 before she started trying, so I guess her age was slightly against her.

I'm 29 and reckon we'll be TTC this time next year ish. The reason we're waiting is because OH isn't quite ready, and I'm not sure I am just yet, and also because we want to buy a house (we're renting a flat at the mo) and financially I'm not sure we could afford the intial set up of a house after a baby what with maternity pay etc. It does worry me that I'm pushing it age-wise just so that we can have the convenience of a house rather than a 2nd floor flat, and that doing it this fits in well with my financial "plan" for the next few years...... But I'm talking only a year, if it was now vs 3 years time, I'd want to start now. That's just me though.

 

[kirstylm]

Good point nm123!!!! I don't meant to be dark about it all, but this does make a HUGE difference!!!!! I thought whenmy hubby & I start trying it will all be dandy but I had a MC in may and it took me 3 months to get my body, head and cycles back to normal to try again.
i know is bleak, but you never know what will happen. People just assume getting pregnant is so easy, but its not! 1 in 3 women have a MC (some without even realising) and I din't realise this until it happened to me. So please dont take it all for granted! Don't get me wrong, you may, and no doubt will, have no problems what so ever. But Im 26, my hubby 32 and were both very healthy people and it happened to us. Please don't think about this too much or worry about it. But it's just something to consider when making your decision! xxxxxx

 

[nm123]

And I'd also like to add that my colleagues doctor was baffled as to why they couldn't conceive and said that perhaps if they were younger it might've worked. Obviously there's no way of knowing for sure, but this thought lingers at the back of my mind as my 20s come closer to and end........

 

[Beltane]

I have been in both positions. I went to college before I had a kid but it really wasn't for me. Shortly after, I had a baby and decided that Motherhood suited me better! Then when he was 4 or 5, I went back to school while working at the same time. Either choice you make, I'm sure it will turn out just fine!

 

[cdejdemommy]

Hi, I have 2 boys age 3 and 22 months. I never went to college. I'm only 24 and I'm starting nursing school in January. We're going to start TTC in March though... my hope is that I'll have one year of nursing school under my belt before the baby comes.

I think really this is a personal decision for you to make BUT looking back on my life, if I had been given that great opportunity like you have, I would have taken it! Establish yourself first before you establish another life!! How old are you? If you're young then have time and I would seriously consider going to school first. I know the pangs of wanting a baby, believe me I've been there BUT think about it this way: You're preparing the way for your baby, this way you'll have more time in the future to concentrate your efforts on being a mother instead of worrying about going back to school - because then you'll be in the position I am. I LOVE my children and wouldn't change the timing of their births whatsoever, but my advice to anyone who doesn't have the challenge of finishing school and having to take care of a baby is to go ahead and get your education out of the way first.

Make a new countdown, when will you be finished with your schooling? Start planning for your baby now - make a scrapbook of yourself in your "school days" for the baby to see when he/she gets older. He/She will be SO proud of you - because ultimately you'll be doing this for him/her.

Good luck in whatever you decide sweetie - it's a tough decision but I DO regret not going to school when I had the chance. I got married straight out of high school and immediately wanted family life. Now I know it's going to be extremely tough to go back to school, study and complete projects and papers with 3 at home to take care of too... it's going to be extremely hard but I believe education is that important. IF you don't have to go through that, being torn over whether you should read to your child or finish the reading you need to do for your class -then I say avoid it all together and go to school now. It'll make having a little one all the more exciting when the time does actually come and you'll have no feelings of "I should have done this before the baby came".

 

[Amygdala]

Hi Martina

I agree with others that age plays a role. How long would you have to delay TTC for? Is it just a short course OR could you take time off once you started and have a baby "inbetween"? I would also consider this: If you have a baby now and then do the course, you're going to miss a lot of time with your LO. If you do the course now, chances are you'll be in a better position (financially and jobwise) to take time off or maybe work part-time?
I'm in a very similar situation to yours and for us, we decided to wait, although I'll be 29 by the time we get round to TTC. If all goes to plan. I wish we could try sooner but then I really don't want to have children and miss them growing up. They do so quickly.

 

[bunnyg82]

aww hun, it's hard having to make the choice! The most sensible thing is really probably to take the course and wait to ttc, it's hard I know but you don't want to risk getting kicked off! However, it is a major decision and one only you can make. I really hope that you manage to find a solution xxx

 

[MartinaLynn]

Wow! Thank you everyone for your thoughts and sharing your experiences with me! I really appreciate it. My heart is definately telling me to have baby, but my head is telling me to wait until after school. I just turned 26 in June. So if I start my schooling ASAP in August of next year, (the program is 2 years) then I will graduate just before I turn 29. Actually, amygdala, it sounds like we really are in the same situation and we seem to be close in age too.

Well after thinking about this and discussing the options with OH, we are going to hold off on having a baby and I am going to start school in August. We are letting that decision "brew" for a week or two before I actually send my paperwork in. It is starting to sit with me better after thinking about it more and more. I really don't want to have to give up time with the LO due to having to study. Age does concern me a little though. I'll just keep my fingers crossed an pray that it all works out in my late 20's.

We will be in a better financial position if we wait as well. We are fine now, own a house, and settled, but for the first year of school I will need to work part-time, and the second year of school I may not be able to work at all because I will be in clinicals. If I think about that and then think about the cost of childcare, it would just be harder and way more stressful. So, I think I can do it...I can wait longer. I need to think about what would be best for my unborn child. I think I have to follow my head on this one, even though I really, really, really wanna follow my heart. It will be better in the long run.

 

[Amygdala]

I think I would have decided the same. And really it's only a few years and they'll fly by if you're busy. But you can always hang around here to pass the time as well. And put a lot of thought into preparing for baby, getting your house ready, sorting out all the medical things (like check for rubella) and so on. Personally I'm determined to get my weight down a bit before TTC and get into a healthy eating and exercise routine, though I don't know if that's an issue for you. Also gives you time to maybe come off the pill if you're on it and start monitoring your cycles so that when the time comes you're ready to go. I say this a lot, but if you're interested in the topic, read Tony Wechsler's "Taking Charge of your Fertiliy".

 

[Angelicous]

Hi

Congtratulations on your decision Hey a baby in a few years is still a baby in the making right?

I've been waiting for my son to start school before I further my studies but wouldn't you know - now he's growing up I'm getting broody again!

If your heart will let you wait then getting things just-so is a great idea

I truly believe you can accomplish anything you set your mind to with or without a child. But what I realised is that once I had my baby my priorities changed and going back to work/study suddenly didn't seem that important!

You've obviously thought about it really hard - you're obviously a great mummy in the making

Best of luck and all the best xx

 

[MartinaLynn]

I've never heard of Tony Weschler's book, but maybe I'll check into that. I've already read "What to Expect Before Your Expecting" which sounds like it would be similar. Yeah, I guess that's all I can do is prepare now. Thing is I am pretty prepared already, there's not much left to do. Got the rubella check done already and I'm immune. I'm pretty good with the weight/exercise thing and don't really have any issues there to work on. And I'm not on BC.. haven't been for 3 years (every time I took the first pill of the new pack, I would be throwing up the next morning), so I decided to quit with that and we just use condoms. So I know my cycles pretty well. I guess I just hafta keep getting the house ready, and getting rid of some junk to make more room for baby.

 

[24/7]

We were in exactly the same position.... I was due to start a six month training course at the end of next year, with a two year probation period after that, during which I wouldn't be entitled to full maternity pay from the job. In the end we decided to TTC first, and then if I still wish to start the course after I will.
We had agreed to TTC straight away, but after some wedding talk, have decided to wait until the new year.
Good luck whatever your final decision is. xx

 

[amylk87]

Well, as others have said - the final decision is yours but i'll tell you a little bit about my experience.

I'm in University at the moment, i have no children and i'm finding the work reasonable - i can dedicate alot of my time to studying. There are alot of people on my course with children, ages ranging from newborn to teenagers. These people tell me frequently how difficult it is to juggle work and children.

I find that once i have my qualification, i can have children because that degree will always be there ready for when i decide to work. If i had children first, it would be harder and more financially difficult to get that degree, also my children will benefit from my degree as i'll have a good job with good pay, we will have financial security and thats important for me in terms of having a family.

Good luck, and we'll all be here for you whatever you decide. x

 

[auntie m]

sounds like you are making the right choice for yourself. i'd make the same choice. i always had check lists...things to do before marriage...before kids...etc....it was important to me to get my master's degree before kids. i figure it will put me further ahead if i take a break for kids and then join back into the work force. at least that is how my line of work goes.

for everyone the choice is different. you have to make the choice with what works best for your family and yourself!

whatever it is, enjoy every minute!

 

[MartinaLynn]

Just an Update... We've officially decided to hold off on TTC now until I am almost done with my schooling. So that will be sometime in early 2012. Ahhh, that sounds so far away!! Thank you everyone again for your thoughts! Looks like I'll be sticking around here for quite some time. I'd probaby go insane without this forum! So glad I found this place.