Changing things one generation at a time

[lisaf]

So I know lots of women here do not get support from family members over BFing. But I've had such a great experience with both my MIL and my own mom about breastfeeding. My mom BF me until I was 18 months, my MIL BF my DH until he was 2 years or so. So not only do I get support for BFing now, but I will not be getting any pressure to stop just because he's 1 years old etc.

I just wanted to share the point of view that your own DIL or DD may have one day and that what you're going through is not just a battle you are fighting on your own behalf, but something you are going to be passing down to the next generation.

 

[cutie4evr01]

That is so true! Neither my mom nor MIL BF, neither even attempted as far as I know. My mom is generally supportive but after about a year she thinks it's time to stop. MIL has been pushing formula from birth for both of my girls. Luckily my DH has been supportive and both my girls have thrived on BM. My older DD watches me feed my younger DD and doesn't know any other way. I hope they both choose to BF so I can provide the support for them that I never received.

ETA: I just realized I will never have a DIL! Probably a good thing so I will never turn into the dreaded MIL to some poor young girl

 

[lisaf]

I know, I'm going to be the horrible MIL I'm sure, lol... there doesn't seem to be any way to avoid it! Either over-involved or selfish-uncaring you can't win!
I remember the day I realized I was going to be a MIL and my heart sank

 

[Super G]

Yeah, I like thinking of it that way. That hopefully my daughter will breastfeed and it will help her to know I did and that I understand some things about it and can be helpful.

Sort of something for her future.

 

[shinona]

I'm the same with support from mum and mil - both fed their two kids til a year old so were super supportive when I was feeding ds - no pressure at all to stop or to give formula.

I will be a dreaded mil one day but I am hoping that my wee boy will be just old enough to remember me feeding his little sister (when she arrives) and that he will be supportive in the future to his wife. And, that I can give support to my daughter and my dil. I've been talking to ds about the new baby as well and talking to him about how babies only drink milk and that the milk comes from mummy's boobs as that's what they are for.

xx

 

[aley28]

I took it as a given that I would breastfeed my kids, because that's how my mom did it. She always weaned at 1 year though... I'm hoping to let him self wean. I'm pretty good at ignoring what I don't want to hear, but I'm sure I'll start getting crap for bfing past a year the day after his first birthday. I'm already getting plenty of comments about bottles from all directions... those are easy enough to explain ("I'm not giving bottles so that my cow of a MIL can never babysit this baby, because that's when she got really overbearing with Ethan. " The immediate response from everybody so far (except MIL, haven't said as much to her) is... 'ohhhh... yeah. I don't blame you.' )

For bfing past a year, though... I honestly think I'm just going to print out some pamphlets about how the WHO recommends bfing until at least age 2. So any comments I get about breastfeeding a toddler will be responded to with a slip of paper that has a website on it.

 

[lisaf]

If anyone gives me crap about it being past a year, I'll just say 'in this economy, we all have to watch our expenses and why would I buy milk for my son when I've got it on tap for free' That way I don't have to get into an argument about how its still beneficial. I will insist that its adequate nutrition in case they say cows milk is essential etc.. I just think sometimes people get defensive about their own choices sometimes or they were given bad advice and didn't do their own research.

I'm just so glad I have full family support Of course I have to fight them on other things, lol... though they mostly don't question my choices to my face and just roll their eyes behind my back

 

[TattiesMum]

I'm just going to play devil's advocate for a minute

I BF all of my children for over a year and loved doing it - it broke my heart each time when they self weaned

As a committed BF I had every expectation that my own daughters would follow my lead .... But my lovingly BF daughter decided to FF ... she did try BF with her first and hated it I acted as a 24hr BF supporter, helped her position him, taught her how to latch him and tried everything I could think of but the basic determination to do it just wasn't there.

So then I had to adjust my thinking in order to provide full support and approval for FF Somehow life has a way of throwing us curve balls

 

[JZW]

If anyone gives me crap about it being past a year, I'll just say 'in this economy, we all have to watch our expenses and why would I buy milk for my son when I've got it on tap for free'

so far no one has said anything about me still breastfeeding but if it does ever come up, this will be what I will be saying as well. It's just a bit silly for us to start buying 'follow on' formula etc when LO can get exactly what she needs from me for free and in such a convenient way like someone said on another thread, I can't ever forget her 'milk bottles'

 

[Super G]

I'm just going to play devil's advocate for a minute

I BF all of my children for over a year and loved doing it - it broke my heart each time when they self weaned

As a committed BF I had every expectation that my own daughters would follow my lead .... But my lovingly BF daughter decided to FF ... she did try BF with her first and hated it I acted as a 24hr BF supporter, helped her position him, taught her how to latch him and tried everything I could think of but the basic determination to do it just wasn't there.

So then I had to adjust my thinking in order to provide full support and approval for FF Somehow life has a way of throwing us curve balls

*Put's fingers in ears*
Don't spoil my rose-tinted futute daughter breastfeeding fantasy!!!!!

Only joking, of course you're right. I think I would find this tough. But who knows what the future holds and what personal circumstances our little ones will be in, which will influence their choice. And it is their choice.

On the up side I imagine that your knowledge and support enabled your DD to make a more informed choice, even if she went a different direction.
Did any of your other children breastfeed?

 

[TattiesMum]

*Put's fingers in ears*
Don't spoil my rose-tinted futute daughter breastfeeding fantasy!!!!!

Only joking, of course you're right. I think I would find this tough. But who knows what the future holds and what personal circumstances our little ones will be in, which will influence their choice. And it is their choice.

On the up side I imagine that your knowledge and support enabled your DD to make a more informed choice, even if she went a different direction.
Did any of your other children breastfeed?

At the moment she is the only one with children - hopefully in the future either my other daughter or my (at present non-existent lol) DIL will BF so I can be like the OP's Mum and MIL

I thought I'd find it tough too to be honest - I was a militant BF in my time and never expected my girls not to BF but when it came to the crunch I found that the desire to support her and make her feel confident in her own Mothering choices completely overwhelmed any distaste I previously had for FF

I tell you what though ... even now I am SO cackhanded when bottle feeding the baby - it's not something that comes naturally to me at all lol

 

[marycotter567]

My mom is unsupportive period. My MIL is somewhat supportive but to a certain extent -- she thinks I should give him water, solids earlier than 6 months and definetly doesnt believe in BFing past 1 year old. It's tough... constantly have to defend my decision.

 

[lisaf]

I didn't really get a ton of support for my struggles with BFing from my MIL and mom... they were supportive of my choice even though it was difficult, but all the trouble I had was really so foreign to them... I tried to explain to my MIL a month in when I was finally getting him to latch but it hurt really bad (tongue tie we eventually discovered) she suggested I try the holding breast like a sandwich trick... you know, because the 4 LCs I saw didn't tell me to try that, lol.
And she wasn't good at understanding why I wanted privacy to try to get it going and to pump etc...

After what I went through and some pressure I experienced prior to trying BF when I wasn't sure if I could due to a medication problem I would never exert undue pressure. I believe in supporting the mother. I just will not criticize her choices as long as they are informed.