Changing your surname to match lo's

[davidjoemum]

I have different surname to my kids as me and they dad are not married and by looks of it won't ever be( he keep saying he's not ready)it has been bother me for past 3 years that I don't share last name with my children.it might sound pathetic but I don't feel like part of my family oh and kids share the same surname and I don't.we were talking about getting married ages ago but now he's not ready well that's other long story.im not really fussed about this tbh but I would like to have proper family you know married parents and two kids i don't have my family my parents are dead and I don't have any siblings plus I'm foreign so my only family are my kids and the fact that I don't have the same name really bother me. I have spoken to oh that I will use deed poll to change my name to match theirs and he is fine with it.
My question is would that look desperate?
What is your opinion?

 

[Pearls18]

I don't think it looks desperate, I understand why you want to do it, and maybe it will show him! I would be fuming with your OH and would be seriously questioning some things about the whole marriage thing, but in the mean time I think changing your name by deed poll is a good idea if it keeps you happy in the meantime, I totally get wanting the same name as your kids

 

[davidjoemum]

I don't think it looks desperate, I understand why you want to do it, and maybe it will show him! I would be fuming with your OH and would be seriously questioning some things about the whole marriage thing, but in the mean time I think changing your name by deed poll is a good idea if it keeps you happy in the meantime, I totally get wanting the same name as your kids

Thanx Marine WAG it's not that he don't want to get married at all. We just been going through tough year in our life's :my son had asd misdiagnosis( turned out to be severe glue ear). His dad remarried with girl that's in my age and few weeks ago they had a baby, his mother wasn't well, we needed to upsize so all stress with house sale/ buy and refublishing. Now we try to kick off full time property developing business and we in progress of selling few properties that should be sold ages ago but people keep pulling out few days before exchange.
Thanx for your words of wisdom

 

[sue_88]

I'd definitely change it. There was no way my LO was having my (now ex) ohs surname unless we were married.

I've heard too many bad stories about travel etc when the surnames do not match.

 

[Lauraxamy]

I have a different surname to my kids and probably always will because I'm not with their Dad anymore. I really hate it so I understand you wanting to have the same name, if you're happy to just go ahead and change it by deed poll then I say go for it, if I could I definitely would!

 

[davidjoemum]

I'd definitely change it. There was no way my LO was having my (now ex) ohs surname unless we were married.

I've heard too many bad stories about travel etc when the surnames do not match.

Yes I do carry FULL birth certificate when we travel or even in the bank where my kids have their saving account. I had to bring it even to the hospital because they wouldn't let me sign consent for my sons grommets.
It's pain in the a..have to prove everyone that I'm their mother

 

[davidjoemum]

I have a different surname to my kids and probably always will because I'm not with their Dad anymore. I really hate it so I understand you wanting to have the same name, if you're happy to just go ahead and change it by deed poll then I say go for it, if I could I definitely would!

Aww you poor thing I do know how crap that feels. Can you come with your ex to agreement and at least having hyphenated with yours?

 

[lau86]

I am married to my kids dad so we all have the same name, I wouldn't like us to have a different name. I think its a good idea to change your name if your oh is serious about not getting married.

 

[Pearls18]

Ah I'm with you that makes sense, in which case I think it's all the more ok for you to do, a compromise for now

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I'd definitely change it. There was no way my LO was having my (now ex) ohs surname unless we were married.

I've heard too many bad stories about travel etc when the surnames do not match.

Oh wow I never had an issue and one of my 3 has my name and thr other 2 have different (though have since deed polled his last name!) Not desperate at all to the OP and no ones buisness x

 

[Vicyi]

I have also contemplated this. Me and OH are very unlikely to get married (our choice) but i would like to have the same surname as my kids. One thing that puts me off though is that we would be Mr and Miss *surname* and not Mr and Mrs *surname* and we already get told we look like we're brother and sister I might hyphenate my name though with his.

 

[mummylove]

I have different surname to my kids as me and they dad are not married and by looks of it won't ever be( he keep saying he's not ready)it has been bother me for past 3 years that I don't share last name with my children.it might sound pathetic but I don't feel like part of my family oh and kids share the same surname and I don't.we were talking about getting married ages ago but now he's not ready well that's other long story.im not really fussed about this tbh but I would like to have proper family you know married parents and two kids i don't have my family my parents are dead and I don't have any siblings plus I'm foreign so my only family are my kids and the fact that I don't have the same name really bother me. I have spoken to oh that I will use deed poll to change my name to match theirs and he is fine with it.
My question is would that look desperate?
What is your opinion?

If his not ready to get married but ready to have kids? Having kids is more responsibility then getting married. I think this to. I have different name to my kids me and oh been together nearly 6 years.
I was thinking of changing my last name to his but i changed my mind cus i know we will get married one day.
As he said why he isnt ready? Or that u will get married one day?

 

[pandacub]

I totally get it, I have a different surname to my son and I hate it

I think it's a good compromise, I would do it in your situation