Cheating-- would you want to know?????

[seoj]

A reality TV show got me thinking...

If your OH cheated- and it was a one time thing- and there was no way you'd ever find out. Would you want them to tell you?

I cannot imagine my life without my hubby- he's the only man I've ever fully trusted and never disappointed me. So if I knew- even if I forgave him- and we worked through whatever issues lead up to him cheating... I don't think I could ever move past it or trust him again.

The women on the show all had very different views on it- some didn't want to know and some did. The main woman on the show was cheated on, very publicly, and was working on her marriage... I can't even imagine!

Interesting to see what others think... ?

 

[Bittersweet]

Yes I would. If my oh cheated on a spur of the moment us want to know as he'd thrown away our life together for a spur of the moment. Shows what we meant and what I meant to him in that case. Not knowing would mean us continuing on as a lie

 

[jd83]

Yes I would. If my oh cheated on a spur of the moment us want to know as he'd thrown away our life together for a spur of the moment. Shows what we meant and what I meant to him in that case. Not knowing would mean us continuing on as a lie

Exactly how I feel about it. If you've built a life with someone, love someone, have a family together, then you don't put yourself in a position where that's going to happen anyways. And if you somehow find yourself in that type of situation, if you truly loved your spouse and family, I can't see throwing that away for a spur of the moment fling.

I know everyone has their own views on whether they could forgive that or not. I don't think I could if it ever happened to me. I think forgiving it would mean never bringing it up, not letting it hang over the other's head, etc, and I don't think I could do that. It wouldn't be true forgiveness for me, it would just be words, as I don't think I would truly be able to get past that kind of betrayel.

 

[Bevziibubble]

Yes I would. If my oh cheated on a spur of the moment us want to know as he'd thrown away our life together for a spur of the moment. Shows what we meant and what I meant to him in that case. Not knowing would mean us continuing on as a lie

This. I would definitely want to know!

 

[Becky61]

I would definately want to know! I would feel completely mugged off if that went on behind my back, & then my OH didnt confess to me, even though he knows id kick his ass out of my life for good!

I feel i would want to know, otherwise my relationship would be based on hidden secrets & lies. I am a (wrongley or rightly) believer that some things are better left unsaid (but never lied about!) But cheating is a BIG thing IMO & i would definately expect my OH to tell me so he could spare me a life with a cheater!

 

[alicecooper]

I'd want to know yes.

My DH has said in the past that he wouldn't want to know, but in more recent years I think he has probably changed his mind about that, though he hasn't said so. Well I dunno actually, maybe he still wouldn't, I'm not sure.

 

[Ceejay123]

.

 

[lovelylaura]

No i wouldn't. If it was once then it was a mistake. I wouldn't want to have doubt for the rest of my time with him, so i would want it kept quiet. Also if he ever did i would forgive him the first time but i do think it leaves a bit of mistrust behind, so i'd rather not have to deal with it.

 

[lhancock90]

Absolutely i would. For several reasons.
One because i'd feel like an absolute fool for not being told. Two because he can do that, on a whim when we are committed to each other he is absolutely not a man i want to be with, if he wants to sleep elsewhere i'd hope he would end it with me first. No matter if it was a one off or not.

 

[Pearls18]

This is a hard one. On the one hand the breach of trust would hurt me more than the act if he didn't own up to it and I did find out iykwim? If he cheated and didn't tell me about it and I find out elsewhere that would be it for me. But if he owned up to me I think I would have a hard time forgiving and forgetting, I'm the kind if person to hold a grudge, I couldn't imagine my life without him though...but if he did cheat he wouldn't be the person I thought he was. So I just really hope he doesn't lol, I know he wouldn't, he's too scared of me for one thing

 

[x__amour]

Yes.

 

[Louise88]

Yes I would. My oh did cheat on me last year it was a one time only thing and although it well and truelly tore me apart I was happy I knew because it got us to sit down and discuss our relationship and where it was going wrong. Personally I feel one time cheating usually comes down to an issue in the relationship.

I'd hate to think if I didn't find out my oh cheated that he'd think he had got away with it and do it again, at least this way he knows if he does it again were over.

 

[seoj]

It seemed so black and white at first- but when I really started to think about it... there are so many "what Ifs"... and obviously every relationship and issues are unique to them- etc...

Louise88- It's great you and your OH were able to move past it and create a stronger bond. I've heard psychologist say that couple should try to work through infidelity if the relationship is worth fighting for- and if they can- they are typically stronger for it. Not that it ever makes cheating "ok"- but, it's usually a symptom of a larger issue.

 

[Rachel_C]

If it was a one time thing that OH felt terrible about and nobody else knew, I don't think I'd want to know. I doubt I would leave OH for that so the consequence of telling me would be that OH would feel better for getting it off his chest and I would feel worse - not the right way round if nothing else would change in our lives, I'd prefer him to suffer (a lot) in silence. If other people knew though I'd want to know - I wouldn't want people talking about me or even just knowing that it'd happened if I didn't.

I think OH would tell me though - he tells me if he accidentally looks at another woman. I know he tells me that because he knows I don't mind at all but I think he would still tell me if he knew I would mind because that's the kind of person he is.

 

[halullat]

I absolutely would want to know, I would be devastated but I would want to know who my husband was, I also would at least appreciate the honesty. I don't know that I would be able to forgive him but I would still want to know.

 

[Jes.shortcake]

I understand why some women would say they wouldn't want to know. When your in a great relationship, you don't want anything to tarnish it. After a partner cheats, the relationship just isn't the same anymore. I couldn't imagine if my DH cheated. I couldn't look at him the same...I would always be wondering if he would do it again. I would seriously be so miserable and I'm not sure I could forgive him.

I would want to know. Because I deserve to know the man I'm married to. I've told him to not even think about it because there would be no going back for me.

 

[LittleBunnie]

My husband and I have a completely trusting relationship. I know all about his past, and he knows all about mine. We keep no secrets from each other. My husband is not the type to cheat because of his morals, but if he ever did, I most definitely want to know, although I am not sure where I'd go from finding out.

 

[Yo_Yo]

Yes-because he wouldn't be the man I thought he was if he cheated anyway.

 

[smileyfaces]

Yes I would defo want to know!

 

[dgirllamius]

I would want to know. I wouldn't stay in the relationship, I would find it so hard to forgive and forget about it. Anyone who does that to me doesn't deserve me.

I don't know how women who have a partner who has cheated manage to stay. I mean, isn't it on their mind every single second of the day and do they worry it might happen again? I couldn't be dealing with those thoughts for the rest of my life.