Child support - should they be made to pay?

[tallybee]

Tallybee: Because the child is on the autism spectrum and OH had such sporadic access, plus MOB's sob story to the courts worked about how hard it was looking after their son (she hardly did at all, it was ME when I lived with her, and her Mum the rest of the time she could palm him off, even her new BF that son barely knew.)
In short, MOB insisted it was more detrimental to him that he live with OH, who he didn't see much, as it would traumatize him. She stayed off drugs long enough to get a clear test, was granted full custody and proceeded to go right back to her old ways as soon as she'd won the case. Who paid for her side to be put across? The taxpayers.
Who paid for my OH? He did, and then he ran out of money after 5 years of fighting her for any concrete access at all, full, partial, weekend, anything he could get. He ran out of money and had nothing left to take her back with. He wasn't eligible for Legal Aid as he earned too much, so he had to let it go and accept that some battles just cannot be won as the law is too biased in favour of the mother.
We all know mothers who have been on hard drugs can get their kids back if they do this and that. Well, that is what MOB did, and when she knew OH had no money left, just went back to her usual tricks, spat it when he had none to give HER, and all access was stopped.
I fully support the voucher idea, and the case-by-case idea I said before. Not every case is black and white, this was definitely wasn't, I wouldn't have believed it was so biased either if I didn't see it myself. At least with vouchers as Shan said, you can KNOW that child is getting food, power being put on, getting clothed. When you give untrustworthy mothers cash money you can't be. Mothers who really want the money for their children would have nothing to hide and would gladly accept vouchers that could be used anywhere instead of cash. If that still isn't good enough, even half cash and half vouchers would make me happy-- at least half of it is going toward the child's upkeep, not anything personal for the mother that if she can't afford with her own money she has no business having, just like everyone else.

I really do feel your grievances with this hon, we're currently in a mess with OH's ex too and she gets all the help while we get diddly squat. We have to pay her frigging mortgage until the settlement is done - she has no business staying in a house she can't afford without this subsidy from us either.

I just feel that if someone is as bad as your OH's ex, then SOMETHING must be done - I know solicitor fees are daylight robbery believe me, we're being screwed that way too. If I were you I would be seriously considering just calling social services because my conscience would not let me leave a child in a situation like that. If that were to happen they'd spring visits on her which would leave her far less room to hide, and so long as you and OH made sure you were in the picture constantly, there's no person that'd put the child with anyone but you and your OH.

I think that the situation you describe is less of a 'whether child support should be paid' question and more of a custody thing - it sounds like he may be at risk and should not be living where he is. Of course child support should be paid, because children require a hell of a lot as they grow up. The only difference here is that the mother should be the absent parent who is made to pay child support to the father, not the other way round.

 

[mummy2jack]

i am goin thru this with fob at moment. So am not gonna get too much into this cos bit of a sore point at the moment.
In my opinion, a child is not "pay per view" Whether access is arranged or not, that child still needs to be kept warm, fed, clothed etc. Why should that be 1 parents responsibiltiy if it takes 2 to create the life?

Sorry hope this thread hasnt upset you! x

No not at all hun, in my case, fob doesn't contribute anything towards my lo, his reasons are ridiculous......"you bf so he doesn't cost you anything" etc. IDIOT
I am fightin him with access as he doesn not have my sons best interests at heart, he doesn't actually WANT the accwess, its all just a game to him and perfect example yesterday...."give me £20 (him to me!) or i will do everything in my power to make people "look at you" I will welsome any proffesional arty into my house as i KNOW he is well looked after but it really bugs me, Why would a doting father want to involve such people as SS that could affect HIS son majorly just for the sake of £20!!
So, at the mo, he is not seeein lo, i refuse to take his threats and said he can see lo when i have a letter from a solicitor saying i have to let him see him. There are so many more reasons for this.
I too have been in the situation where the ex wife is a nightmare. My ex hubby had this, he would drive 140milesround trip every fri and sun to see his kids. She would change her mind about "how much" she wanted, and would threaten to stop access if he didn't pay. He was scared and continued to meet her demands, it only got worse. Women like this make me sick. I do have genuine reasons now why i think its best to keep fob away but that doesn't change the fact the he created lo too. I 100% agree with the voucher thing. I dont want to screw him out of money, wish i could do it without his help if i'm honest but unfortuantley i cant, and why should my lo miss out cos his sperm donor father is a tit?!

BUT yes the voucher thing would be fine with me, at least he would be providing SOMETHING for my lo

 

[Dopeyjopey]

In short, yes. The way i see it is that if Albert was ever living with his dad i would want to pay. If i wasn't allowed to see him i'd want to be able to tell him i was helping out.

 

[caz81]

I think that 100% child support should have to be paid by the parent the child is not living with (be it the mother or the father). I think this money should be paid regardless of whether or not the absent parent sees the child. I do think that there should be better regulations in place so that people can not use children as a weapon which can happen when couples split up (my mum is a prime example of doing that!)

I think one issue is that if the parent does not pay for the child then in a lot of cases the state (ie everyone else) ends up paying instead and I dont think that is right. If you make a life you have a responsibility to it financially as well as in all the other ways.

 

[tallybee]

i am goin thru this with fob at moment. So am not gonna get too much into this cos bit of a sore point at the moment.
In my opinion, a child is not "pay per view" Whether access is arranged or not, that child still needs to be kept warm, fed, clothed etc. Why should that be 1 parents responsibiltiy if it takes 2 to create the life?

Sorry hope this thread hasnt upset you! x

No not at all hun, in my case, fob doesn't contribute anything towards my lo, his reasons are ridiculous......"you bf so he doesn't cost you anything" etc. IDIOT
I am fightin him with access as he doesn not have my sons best interests at heart, he doesn't actually WANT the accwess, its all just a game to him and perfect example yesterday...."give me £20 (him to me!) or i will do everything in my power to make people "look at you" I will welsome any proffesional arty into my house as i KNOW he is well looked after but it really bugs me, Why would a doting father want to involve such people as SS that could affect HIS son majorly just for the sake of £20!!
So, at the mo, he is not seeein lo, i refuse to take his threats and said he can see lo when i have a letter from a solicitor saying i have to let him see him. There are so many more reasons for this.
I too have been in the situation where the ex wife is a nightmare. My ex hubby had this, he would drive 140milesround trip every fri and sun to see his kids. She would change her mind about "how much" she wanted, and would threaten to stop access if he didn't pay. He was scared and continued to meet her demands, it only got worse. Women like this make me sick. I do have genuine reasons now why i think its best to keep fob away but that doesn't change the fact the he created lo too. I 100% agree with the voucher thing. I dont want to screw him out of money, wish i could do it without his help if i'm honest but unfortuantley i cant, and why should my lo miss out cos his sperm donor father is a tit?!

BUT yes the voucher thing would be fine with me, at least he would be providing SOMETHING for my lo

Having experience of similar things to what you describe here I would like to offer

 

[gemabee]

finn's dad has never seen him... he never wants to... he has never wanted finn.
he does not understand why he should have to pay for finn as he wanted me to abort nd i wouldn't therefore he thinks its my responsibility to provide.
in some ways i can understand... he doesn't want finn, he never has, so why should he pay for him...?
BUT... i never wanted finn either... i was on the pill... i didn't / couldn't abort... its easy for men, they jus have to say the word (abort), women have to go through it nd i imagine its awful.
the EXACT same thing happened to me nd fob... i jus grew the hell up nd accepted it... neither or us wanted it but it happened so we both have to pay.
finn's dad does pay now... nd atleast when finn is older nd wonders why his dad doesn't want to know... i can say - 'he wasn't ready to be a dad, but he always provided for u'... he might be an absolute arse on top of that but i'd never say that to finn.

 

[mummy2jack]

i am goin thru this with fob at moment. So am not gonna get too much into this cos bit of a sore point at the moment.
In my opinion, a child is not "pay per view" Whether access is arranged or not, that child still needs to be kept warm, fed, clothed etc. Why should that be 1 parents responsibiltiy if it takes 2 to create the life?

Sorry hope this thread hasnt upset you! x

No not at all hun, in my case, fob doesn't contribute anything towards my lo, his reasons are ridiculous......"you bf so he doesn't cost you anything" etc. IDIOT
I am fightin him with access as he doesn not have my sons best interests at heart, he doesn't actually WANT the accwess, its all just a game to him and perfect example yesterday...."give me £20 (him to me!) or i will do everything in my power to make people "look at you" I will welsome any proffesional arty into my house as i KNOW he is well looked after but it really bugs me, Why would a doting father want to involve such people as SS that could affect HIS son majorly just for the sake of £20!!
So, at the mo, he is not seeein lo, i refuse to take his threats and said he can see lo when i have a letter from a solicitor saying i have to let him see him. There are so many more reasons for this.
I too have been in the situation where the ex wife is a nightmare. My ex hubby had this, he would drive 140milesround trip every fri and sun to see his kids. She would change her mind about "how much" she wanted, and would threaten to stop access if he didn't pay. He was scared and continued to meet her demands, it only got worse. Women like this make me sick. I do have genuine reasons now why i think its best to keep fob away but that doesn't change the fact the he created lo too. I 100% agree with the voucher thing. I dont want to screw him out of money, wish i could do it without his help if i'm honest but unfortuantley i cant, and why should my lo miss out cos his sperm donor father is a tit?!

BUT yes the voucher thing would be fine with me, at least he would be providing SOMETHING for my lo

Having experience of similar things to what you describe here I would like to offer

Awww thanks hun, hugs are very welcome at the mo!! He really has pushed me too far this time. He wanted me to abort my son and said failing that he hoped i would have a fall and "kill it" Should have walked away then.....
Like an idiot i took him back and have tried my very best to be amicable with him. Enough is enough now, he is starting to effect my health which in turn will affect my lo and i'm not having it anymore!!!

 

[ShanandBoc]

finn's dad has never seen him... he never wants to... he has never wanted finn.
he does not understand why he should have to pay for finn as he wanted me to abort nd i wouldn't therefore he thinks its my responsibility to provide.
in some ways i can understand... he doesn't want finn, he never has, so why should he pay for him...?
BUT... i never wanted finn either... i was on the pill... i didn't / couldn't abort... its easy for men, they jus have to say the word (abort), women have to go through it nd i imagine its awful.
the EXACT same thing happened to me nd fob... i jus grew the hell up nd accepted it... neither or us wanted it but it happened so we both have to pay.
finn's dad does pay now... nd atleast when finn is older nd wonders why his dad doesn't want to know... i can say - 'he wasn't ready to be a dad, but he always provided for u'... he might be an absolute arse on top of that but i'd never say that to finn.

Good to hear he is now paying.

But whether he wanted Finn or not imo is irrelevant, you are right, it takes two to tango and everytime you DTD, its a risk that u take of conceiving. If your not mature enough to accept that and deal with then u are not mature enough to have a sexual relationship. Its called taking responsibility for your actions

This is not directed just at your situation Gemabee. Its a scenario i didnt think of in my OP. But a thought provoking one.

I wonder what others feel about it?

 

[gemabee]

finn's dad has never seen him... he never wants to... he has never wanted finn.
he does not understand why he should have to pay for finn as he wanted me to abort nd i wouldn't therefore he thinks its my responsibility to provide.
in some ways i can understand... he doesn't want finn, he never has, so why should he pay for him...?
BUT... i never wanted finn either... i was on the pill... i didn't / couldn't abort... its easy for men, they jus have to say the word (abort), women have to go through it nd i imagine its awful.
the EXACT same thing happened to me nd fob... i jus grew the hell up nd accepted it... neither or us wanted it but it happened so we both have to pay.
finn's dad does pay now... nd atleast when finn is older nd wonders why his dad doesn't want to know... i can say - 'he wasn't ready to be a dad, but he always provided for u'... he might be an absolute arse on top of that but i'd never say that to finn.

Good to hear he is now paying.

But whether he wanted Finn or not imo is irrelevant, you are right, it takes two to tango and everytime you DTD, its a risk that u take of conceiving. If your not mature enough to accept that and deal with then u are not mature enough to have a sexual relationship. Its called taking responsibility for your actions

This is not directed just at your situation Gemabee. Its a scenario i didnt think of in my OP. But a thought provoking one.

I wonder what others feel about it?

i agree that if u do the crime u should do the time - so to speak.
but sadly men don't think with their brains... they think with their 'brains'... LOL!

one of my best friends (a guy) broke up with his gf... continued to have sex with her nd believed her when she said she was still on the pill... in reality she was desperately tryin to get pregnant to keep him. she did get pregnant... nd my friend was gutted at first but jus said he should have worn a condom nd he never (even tho he thought she was on the pill)... but he accepted full responsibility nd has paid what he should nd more... he's now a fantastic dad (nd he's had the snip!).

every time a man has sex he risks the chance of havin a baby... as do women... 99% of the time women accept that responsibility but a lot of men don't... so maybe its mens lack of maturity that is to blame?

 

[ShanandBoc]

Lol (at the brains comment)

And yes, def a lack of maturity well on the male side anyway

 

[tallybee]

i am goin thru this with fob at moment. So am not gonna get too much into this cos bit of a sore point at the moment.
In my opinion, a child is not "pay per view" Whether access is arranged or not, that child still needs to be kept warm, fed, clothed etc. Why should that be 1 parents responsibiltiy if it takes 2 to create the life?

Sorry hope this thread hasnt upset you! x

No not at all hun, in my case, fob doesn't contribute anything towards my lo, his reasons are ridiculous......"you bf so he doesn't cost you anything" etc. IDIOT
I am fightin him with access as he doesn not have my sons best interests at heart, he doesn't actually WANT the accwess, its all just a game to him and perfect example yesterday...."give me £20 (him to me!) or i will do everything in my power to make people "look at you" I will welsome any proffesional arty into my house as i KNOW he is well looked after but it really bugs me, Why would a doting father want to involve such people as SS that could affect HIS son majorly just for the sake of £20!!
So, at the mo, he is not seeein lo, i refuse to take his threats and said he can see lo when i have a letter from a solicitor saying i have to let him see him. There are so many more reasons for this.
I too have been in the situation where the ex wife is a nightmare. My ex hubby had this, he would drive 140milesround trip every fri and sun to see his kids. She would change her mind about "how much" she wanted, and would threaten to stop access if he didn't pay. He was scared and continued to meet her demands, it only got worse. Women like this make me sick. I do have genuine reasons now why i think its best to keep fob away but that doesn't change the fact the he created lo too. I 100% agree with the voucher thing. I dont want to screw him out of money, wish i could do it without his help if i'm honest but unfortuantley i cant, and why should my lo miss out cos his sperm donor father is a tit?!

BUT yes the voucher thing would be fine with me, at least he would be providing SOMETHING for my lo

Having experience of similar things to what you describe here I would like to offer

Awww thanks hun, hugs are very welcome at the mo!! He really has pushed me too far this time. He wanted me to abort my son and said failing that he hoped i would have a fall and "kill it" Should have walked away then.....
Like an idiot i took him back and have tried my very best to be amicable with him. Enough is enough now, he is starting to effect my health which in turn will affect my lo and i'm not having it anymore!!!

at those things he said to you, what a loser. There is only so much u can do to try and be amicable, if it keeps getting thrown back it's impossible. He sounds quite like my ex actually. Being reasonable with him never worked either. Some of the crap I have heard back about me through the grapevine... Anyone dumb enough to listen to him would believe that I am the evil bitch-woman who denies access and deserves nowt. That's what pisses me off about that kind of excuse.
He's dreaming if he thinks anyone that matters will listen though. We have a decent solicitor and a diary in which we have recorded every single incident he's caused.

 

[tallybee]

Lol (at the brains comment)

And yes, def a lack of maturity well on the male side anyway

Yup, the brains comment reminded me of this joke:

Why do men name their willies?

Because they wouldn't want a total stranger making all their decisions

 

[kate.m.]

Heres a new situation for you ladies:
My sister (18 years old, full time education) refuses to see my mum. My mum has done nothing "wrong" at all: its just that my sis lived with dad 6 days a week since they divorced (she was 3 years old at the time of divorce) & now "prefers" the step mum & has decided to blot my mum out & pretend she doesnt exist. Dad is much wealthier than mum: My dad lives in a very expensive 5 bed house with stables & horses & orchard & acres of land. Mum lives in a 2 bed council flat. My Mum has to pay child support.

I suppose "technically" she should have to pay. I just think that "morally" its ridiculous!
ETA: They only asked for child support 1 year ago: 2 years after sister cut mum out.

 

[mummy2jack]

Heres a new situation for you ladies:
My sister (18 years old, full time education) refuses to see my mum. My mum has done nothing "wrong" at all: its just that my sis lived with dad 6 days a week since they divorced (she was 3 years old at the time of divorce) & now "prefers" the step mum & has decided to blot my mum out & pretend she doesnt exist. Dad is much wealthier than mum: My dad lives in a very expensive 5 bed house with stables & horses & orchard & acres of land. Mum lives in a 2 bed council flat. My Mum has to pay child support.

I suppose "technically" she should have to pay. I just think that "morally" its ridiculous!
ETA: They only asked for child support 1 year ago: 2 years after sister cut mum out.

t

That must be a very hard situation to be in
I agree that sometimes "morally" things should be differnt but then i also think if i personally was in that situation, whatever was goin, i would still always wanna make sure that i had provided for him too and that when he older he would know i had always tried if that makes sense! xxx

 

[pinklightbulb]

Here it is done by care percentage, if the mother earns more than the father I think he still pays minimum C/S ($30 a month or something like that.) It is a tough situation and stupidly thought out by CSA-- what is the point of receiving a measly amount like that really when the custodial parent earns twice the amount of the non-custodial? I know it is set out so both parents contribute, but $30 to a high-earning custodial parent is hardly even worth it. JMO though. I suppose it's fair but still silly in a way.
As for ours being an access issue Tallybee, you are spot on that it was/is but I also feel very strongly that C/S is not used properly by some mothers and MOB is one of them. If she isn't using it for its intended purpose, which she is not, she should not be getting it in cash, she should be getting it in vouchers if OH is upholding his responsibility of paying it. As he should, I don't disagree that fathers must pay for upkeep, I have more of an issue with C/S being used to fund MOB's non-child related lifestyle. Would anyone here be impressed if FOB had custody, was receiving C/S from you and was blowing it on drugs, alcohol, etc?
As for calling SS on MOB, well, we tried that, and someone tipped her off so she hid any and all evidence of drugs in her house and was clean for a drug test by the time they got to visiting her to check up. So they nicely told OH not to waste their time and to go through the Family Court system if he wanted custody, and not to get them involved when there was apparently no need They showed up once, looked around, listened to MOB's sob story against OH trying to make her life hell by calling them on her, had her tested anyway, of course she came up neg because she'd had a few weeks to clean her act up for them appearing, and it all came back on OH and made HIM look bad to the courts *sigh* Sometimes you just can't win no matter what huh?

 

[tallybee]

Here it is done by care percentage, if the mother earns more than the father I think he still pays minimum C/S ($30 a month or something like that.) It is a tough situation and stupidly thought out by CSA-- what is the point of receiving a measly amount like that really when the custodial parent earns twice the amount of the non-custodial? I know it is set out so both parents contribute, but $30 to a high-earning custodial parent is hardly even worth it. JMO though. I suppose it's fair but still silly in a way.
As for ours being an access issue Tallybee, you are spot on that it was/is but I also feel very strongly that C/S is not used properly by some mothers and MOB is one of them. If she isn't using it for its intended purpose, which she is not, she should not be getting it in cash, she should be getting it in vouchers if OH is upholding his responsibility of paying it. As he should, I don't disagree that fathers must pay for upkeep, I have more of an issue with C/S being used to fund MOB's non-child related lifestyle. Would anyone here be impressed if FOB had custody, was receiving C/S from you and was blowing it on drugs, alcohol, etc?
As for calling SS on MOB, well, we tried that, and someone tipped her off so she hid any and all evidence of drugs in her house and was clean for a drug test by the time they got to visiting her to check up. So they nicely told OH not to waste their time and to go through the Family Court system if he wanted custody, and not to get them involved when there was apparently no need They showed up once, looked around, listened to MOB's sob story against OH trying to make her life hell by calling them on her, had her tested anyway, of course she came up neg because she'd had a few weeks to clean her act up for them appearing, and it all came back on OH and made HIM look bad to the courts *sigh* Sometimes you just can't win no matter what huh?

That sounds horribly unfair hon. I firmly believe in standing ground for what you believe is right though. Don't be fobbed off, the department need to be informed that this woman has been lying to them and everyone else. If you just give up trying then of course it'll come back looking like you were trying it on. If you continue to fight your case, then sooner or later someone with the power to change something will notice. I really wish you all the best.

 

[tallybee]

I would just like to say that the earlier comment here is spot on. Why the F do so many absent numpty excuses for 'parents' think that children are pay per view???? Example : DD's 'father' who started paying £5 per week (well y'all will know exactly how much help that is these days) because his demands for access were taken to a solicitor (he'd failed miserably to maintain access previously and stormed out of mediation for no reason) and the solicitor wrote the payments into the agreement.
Several months later the idiot stops turning up, with no call, text or any message to say, having us waiting at the meet point for no reason, STOPS the £5 per week, then gets his legal aid-paid solicitor to write to ours saying that WE had stopped turning up.
Sorry pal but a fiver a week isn't going to crumble us, and neither is some rubbish from somebody who reminds everyone else of an episode of Jeremy Kyle (he has at least 3 other kids by 2 other women that we know of, probably more now since it's 3 years since I even paid any attention)

The lies he has spread about me are un-frickin-believable; he will try anything to wriggle out of responsibility whilst still attempting to keep his oar in.

I do understand that some dads are forced out despite their every humanly possible effort to keep up contact but for every one of them there's probably 100 more who are just full of shit.

 

[annawrigley]

Hmm. FOB is at uni so doesnt have to pay until he is working, but I still think he should be. Anything, even a fiver a week. I don't need the money its just the principle. I've never limited access to him, he saw Noah every day for the first 6 months of his life and then he went to uni, was a nob for a couple of months spending his money on the uni lifestyle rather than coming to see his child Now he comes to see him pretty much every weekend and sometimes I pay for it, which might make me a mug but so be it. Noah adores him, and I would rather pay for him to see his child than for him to pay me and him not see his child... If that makes sense We do get on well though, so if things were different idk Also if he had a full-time job and wasnt paying I may feel differently as well. Its just atm he doesnt HAVE to but I still think he SHOULD be.

If a parent is unfit they should definitely still pay. Like a PP said, failing to pay would then just be failing their child(ren) twice.

On the other side of the coin, FOB has another child to his ex who is now 2.5. They have just recently finished court proceedings over her (started in May 2009!) basically to cut a long story short, well I'll try,
September 08 child was born (same time I met him but we both believed he wasnt hers. She overlapped FOB with new bf and told new bf it was his).
May 09, child is 9 months old, MOB breaks up with new bf and tells FOB she is his. She says he can have access whenever he wants. Sends him loads of texts saying she loves him and asking him to come over to hers to see the child. (I am with him at this point). FOB goes to a solicitor to get a DNA test.
July 09, I get pregnant, MOB finds out and turns nasty, goes to a solicitor herself saying he is unsuitable, and making loads of allegations against him. Calls him saying he will never see her bla bla bla
- A load of shit in between where allegations were thrown back and forth, she failed to turn up to court hearings so they had to be postponed etc, DNA test finally came back child is FOB's -
February 11, 'Fact finding' court hearing, she starts crying and it really looks as though she was gonna win, the judge was slaughtering FOB, anyway he won We don't know yet what is going to 'happen' to her, FOB was told whoever was found to be lying there would be severe consequences for (eg if FOB was lying he would get charged for all the things she alleged, but we dont know what her consequence is ) Next I think is the court hearing for access which FOB is going to decline, for many reasons which I actually agree with (I wouldnt normally). He wanted to pull out a few months ago but was told it would look bad on him if he pulled out before the fact finding.

I guess when he has a job he will have to pay for her too. I think thats right, he created her. I think its extremely wrong that MOB lied about her child's father when she is the spitting image of FOB, and nothing like the other guy, and that she used her child to try and manipulate them both but shit happens. He still had unprotected sex and made a life so he's gonna have to pay for it!

 

[tallybee]

Hmm. FOB is at uni so doesnt have to pay until he is working, but I still think he should be. Anything, even a fiver a week. I don't need the money its just the principle. I've never limited access to him, he saw Noah every day for the first 6 months of his life and then he went to uni, was a nob for a couple of months spending his money on the uni lifestyle rather than coming to see his child Now he comes to see him pretty much every weekend and sometimes I pay for it, which might make me a mug but so be it. Noah adores him, and I would rather pay for him to see his child than for him to pay me and him not see his child... If that makes sense We do get on well though, so if things were different idk Also if he had a full-time job and wasnt paying I may feel differently as well. Its just atm he doesnt HAVE to but I still think he SHOULD be.

If a parent is unfit they should definitely still pay. Like a PP said, failing to pay would then just be failing their child(ren) twice.

On the other side of the coin, FOB has another child to his ex who is now 2.5. They have just recently finished court proceedings over her (started in May 2009!) basically to cut a long story short, well I'll try,
September 08 child was born (same time I met him but we both believed he wasnt hers. She overlapped FOB with new bf and told new bf it was his).
May 09, child is 9 months old, MOB breaks up with new bf and tells FOB she is his. She says he can have access whenever he wants. Sends him loads of texts saying she loves him and asking him to come over to hers to see the child. (I am with him at this point). FOB goes to a solicitor to get a DNA test.
July 09, I get pregnant, MOB finds out and turns nasty, goes to a solicitor herself saying he is unsuitable, and making loads of allegations against him. Calls him saying he will never see her bla bla bla
- A load of shit in between where allegations were thrown back and forth, she failed to turn up to court hearings so they had to be postponed etc, DNA test finally came back child is FOB's -
February 11, 'Fact finding' court hearing, she starts crying and it really looks as though she was gonna win, the judge was slaughtering FOB, anyway he won We don't know yet what is going to 'happen' to her, FOB was told whoever was found to be lying there would be severe consequences for (eg if FOB was lying he would get charged for all the things she alleged, but we dont know what her consequence is ) Next I think is the court hearing for access which FOB is going to decline, for many reasons which I actually agree with (I wouldnt normally). He wanted to pull out a few months ago but was told it would look bad on him if he pulled out before the fact finding.

I guess when he has a job he will have to pay for her too. I think thats right, he created her. I think its extremely wrong that MOB lied about her child's father when she is the spitting image of FOB, and nothing like the other guy, and that she used her child to try and manipulate them both but shit happens. He still had unprotected sex and made a life so he's gonna have to pay for it!

Exes are a nasty breed, for sure.

You're quite right, it's nonsense that just being a student means they don't have to pay anything. Lots of students have jobs (part time or otherwise) and many have support from parents etc. A lot of them have more money than many non-students. And the bottom line is, as you say, he had unprotected sex and created those kids so why should he NOT pay?

 

[flubdub]

Cant answer in full right now as im typing one handed. To #1 and #3 - yes they should have to pay.
#2 - no. It might stop some of these mums that use their kids against the ex's.
Mt oh's ex stopped him seeing his 2 kids for 3 years. Had she been told that we wouldnt have to pay if she carried on, I think she would have caved in much earlier than she did.
My ex hasnt paid for my eldest since he was 1 yr old, nor seen him since then. The csa are really helpful!!!......................oh wait, no theyre not
I dont WANT his money, nor particularly need it. But when ds grows up, I want to be able to give him something off his dad, as there is nothing else to give; no birthday cards, no christmas cards. It took me a year to get him to agree to put his name on the birth certificate! grrr
bit ot there lol