Child support

[junemomma09]

So im not "single" anymore, ive since gotten with a wonderful man since my daughter was born and we are having a baby together, hence the preggo ticker ehehe
well, i filed for public assistance back in november, needed the insurance and help with food. well the law here in florida, dont know if its the same everywhere but we have to file a child support claim in order to receive assistance with the department of revenue if the father is not involved. so i just took my daughter, who is 5, to the agency and she had her swab and i had to be swabed, inside our cheek for the paternity test. Apparently my ex is trying to claim hes not the father because i slept with someone else while we were together, which is a total lie, AND because i never tried to involve him. UMM, i do believe hes the one who ended the relationship because i told him "NO!" when he told me to get an abortion. ASSHOLE! then he proceeded to do everything possible to make sure i couldnt contact him anymore. He hurt me so bad. we were both 19 at the time. So, when he decided to call me ON HIS BIRTHDAY, when i was 8 months pregnant, the only time he decided to call me, i yelled at him and told him never to call me again. HELLO what did he expect. he got in contact with me back through myspace. he says hes been trying to get ahold of me to find out if shes his, BUT the past 7 months isnt trying, since shes almost 6!!! and my ass!!!! he never tried to do anything. hes claiming he sent me messages he never sent....and now he wants to just jump into her life. She doesnt know him from adam...the poor girl would be scared outta her mind, shes never met him ever....this guy is seriously pissing me off! Oh and the greatest part....i ONLY get 2 years back child support, florida passed a law a year ago, stating the parent with custody could only collect 2 years back child support. WHICH IS BULL!!!!
sorry for the vent, needed to....my parents keep saying i dont understand why you are tryin to get child support now hes gonna get custody and all....THE HELL HE IS!!!!

 

[Soon2be3]

no one int here right mind would just give a man a kid after not being in her life for so long, It takes time to build a bond and Would Be hard on the child if that happened. You did what you had to IM proud of you

 

[junemomma09]

no one int here right mind would just give a man a kid after not being in her life for so long, It takes time to build a bond and Would Be hard on the child if that happened. You did what you had to IM proud of you

Thank you! Im just hoping hes not going to try to drag me through the court system now...i just dont really feel as though he has her best interest in mind. Especially since hes a pathalogical lier...hes lied and contradicted himself so many times, even recently. hes trying to convince me hes changed, and im certainly NOT convinced!

 

[Naya69]

your doing the right thing iam going throught the csa with my ex and doin a dna test because he wont accept hes joshuas dad hes no good for joshua and would make a shit dad and i hate the thought he will have a right to be in joshuas life if hes going to be paying child surport. i would hate to live with system like yours where you have to claim csa because as hard as it sounds then the father has a right to see the child then because hes paying for him/her xx

 

[junemomma09]

your doing the right thing iam going throught the csa with my ex and doin a dna test because he wont accept hes joshuas dad hes no good for joshua and would make a shit dad and i hate the thought he will have a right to be in joshuas life if hes going to be paying child surport. i would hate to live with system like yours where you have to claim csa because as hard as it sounds then the father has a right to see the child then because hes paying for him/her xx

ya its hard...its like he never had an interest before, but now cuz hes gonna have to pay child support, even though hes making us get a paternity test, asshole, now he wants to see her. its like why only because you will have to pay for the child you helped create, do you then only have an interest in seeing your daughter, its been almost 6 years!!! and now all of a sudden...ya right, he just wants to make things difficult for us. he is NOT father material and would not be good for her to be in her life. it just makes me sick!!

 

[captain-ally]

no one int here right mind would just give a man a kid after not being in her life for so long, It takes time to build a bond and Would Be hard on the child if that happened. You did what you had to IM proud of you

I don't know. My cousin's boyfriend kidnapped their son and hid him for 3 days - they had to get the court and police involved to get the baby back. Even after all that, they gave him unsupervised visitation rights every weekend, and every monday her son comes back and is listless and can't sleep. That's Ontario, they let people get away with anything here.

We have to be very careful with these men - I'm preparing myself for the same sort of bull from my HB, when he decides he suddenly wants to be involved. And that law in Florida? What BS!!!! Only 2 years?!

 

[godivalocks]

your doing the right thing iam going throught the csa with my ex and doin a dna test because he wont accept hes joshuas dad hes no good for joshua and would make a shit dad and i hate the thought he will have a right to be in joshuas life if hes going to be paying child surport. i would hate to live with system like yours where you have to claim csa because as hard as it sounds then the father has a right to see the child then because hes paying for him/her xx

ya its hard...its like he never had an interest before, but now cuz hes gonna have to pay child support, even though hes making us get a paternity test, asshole, now he wants to see her. its like why only because you will have to pay for the child you helped create, do you then only have an interest in seeing your daughter, its been almost 6 years!!! and now all of a sudden...ya right, he just wants to make things difficult for us. he is NOT father material and would not be good for her to be in her life. it just makes me sick!!

You probably aren't going to like to hear it, but I don't like the argument "child he helped create"; doesn't sit well with me.

Takes two to have sex, yes, but when it comes to getting an abortion or not, the woman has the ultimate say. I find it hardly fair for a women to choose to keep a child that the other party wants aborted, then turn around and slap him with child support.

I think in scenarios like that, when the woman chooses to keep the child against the partner's wishes, he should sign away all rights to see the child, etc, but the woman also agrees that he's not to be held responsible for her decision.

On the other hand, if he wants to be a part of the child's life, then he should pay something, but if he is taking the child for, say the summer months, the woman should pay during the months the man has him/her (I think it's awfully unfair to be one-sided cash flow when the other parent gets custody of the child for a month or more out of a year, too). And I really think there should be a cap on the amount that the other parent receives for child support. Supporting a child's needs (as opposed to wants/luxuries) doesn't require a whole lot on top of what a single person would normally spend for everyday living. Now we're talking about the basic necessities, which should be the only thing that needs to be covered.

Another thing you might not like to hear is, well, if he has to pay, I can understand him wanting to be a part of her life now. I think it's unspoken that those who don't want a child and aren't forced to pay child support understand that their end of the bargain is to remain out of the lives of the mother and child, even if it's not an official rule.

Of course, I wouldn't just send her over for a week to a complete stranger to her, but he should definitely get to see her if that situation changes, whether you like it or not.

From my perspective, I would be down-right PISSED if I had something forced on me based on a decision that I wasn't allowed to be part of. And to pay for someone else's choice that wasn't MY choice wouldn't be right.

(P.S.--of course he's putting up roadblocks to you obtaining child support. After all, it was YOU that ultimately chose to keep it when he didn't want to, and now you are going to make him pay for YOUR choice. People don't like to be reminded of stuff like that. What if you had to pay for a choice of HIS that you had no say in? Something to think on.)

 

[Jkelmum]

So he had unprotected sex with her yet shouldnt be made to pay as he didnt want the child ? But Men can go around shagging anybody gettin them pregnant then dont have to pay i dont get how that makes sense ?

 

[sue08]

yes he should of used protection unless he doesn't know how babies are made!!, he needs to pay for his action, next time he needs to protect himself!!

 

[captain-ally]

It's easy enough for a man to say he wants you to get an abortion. Myself included, some women just wouldn't be able to do it. If I got an abortion I wouldn't have another opportunity to have children. It is the woman's choice whether or not to keep it but at our ages, we all know the consequences of having sex and therefore are both responsible for the outcome.

 

[junemomma09]

wether or not to abort a child isnt just a choice a mother or a so to say "father" in this instance make. This is a child we're talking about here..and while i can see where your trying to come from, if he didnt want to take any chances of possibly getting me pregnant, he shouldve taken precautions. he cant just say oh get an abortion because he got me pregnant when he decided he wanted sex without the condom. thats what i call and easy way out for him, but a very emotional and roller coaster ride for me. im the one that would have to go through the "abortion" and have to live with the fact i in essence killed my child. to each their own in regards to that matter, but thats just my opinion. and yes he should have to pay for something he equally was involved in. i didnt force him to have sex unprotected. he knew what he was doing, he just wanted to be a lazy ass no good for nothing guy who didnt want to stick by in his responsiblities.
and just because he has to pay child support, DOESNT in any way give him rights to see her. he WAS just a sperm donor, because from the beginning he kicked me out, closed every door there was available to be in contact with him, lied, and never ONCE, NEVER tried to go to court to establish paternity to be involved. he wasnt interested. and believe me i wasnt going after him for child support...its something i HAD to do because i needed public assistance. im pregnant and needed government supplied insurance and even if i didnt need the food assistance, i STILL wouldve had to go through the child support enforcement to get the insurance just to make sure my UNBORN child was able to be taken care of and that my daughter had insurance as well.
he had a choice!!!! his choice was wether he wanted to wear a condom or not and in him choosing to not wear one, he chose to accept any of those consequences that came along with it. When I become pregnant, that is MY body and baby inside of ME!!! he doesnt not get a choice on what i do with my body or baby!!!!! period!!!!!

this is just a very sensitive subject for me...and ive had so many people judge me on any decision ive ever made regarding this matter. so it hits me hard when people start telling me he didnt have a choice....he did and he made it!

 

[xJG30]

i didnt force him to have sex unprotected. he knew what he was doing, he just wanted to be a lazy ass no good for nothing guy who didnt want to stick by in his responsiblities.

I'm not judging you at all with this comment but i disagree with it..it takes two to tango and you could've quite easily said no condom, no sex..unless you were wanting to get pregnant.

and just because he has to pay child support, DOESNT in any way give him rights to see her. he WAS just a sperm donor, because from the beginning he kicked me out, closed every door there was available to be in contact with him, lied, and never ONCE, NEVER tried to go to court to establish paternity to be involved. he wasnt interested.

I agree on the sense that just because he's paying doesn't give him rights to the child, as i'm having a similar problem with my ex.. he's shown no interest in my son whatsoever but as soon as we ask for abit of maintenance 5 months later, (we'd been asking from the start, gave him back details a month after he was born) he expects to take MY son to Essex every weekend when he's only met him 3 times.. so I'd rather live without his money although I can cope..and not have him in our lives at all.

 

[junemomma09]

i didnt force him to have sex unprotected. he knew what he was doing, he just wanted to be a lazy ass no good for nothing guy who didnt want to stick by in his responsiblities.

I'm not judging you at all with this comment but i disagree with it..it takes two to tango and you could've quite easily said no condom, no sex..unless you were wanting to get pregnant.

and just because he has to pay child support, DOESNT in any way give him rights to see her. he WAS just a sperm donor, because from the beginning he kicked me out, closed every door there was available to be in contact with him, lied, and never ONCE, NEVER tried to go to court to establish paternity to be involved. he wasnt interested.

I agree on the sense that just because he's paying doesn't give him rights to the child, as i'm having a similar problem with my ex.. he's shown no interest in my son whatsoever but as soon as we ask for abit of maintenance 5 months later, (we'd been asking from the start, gave him back details a month after he was born) he expects to take MY son to Essex every weekend when he's only met him 3 times.. so I'd rather live without his money although I can cope..and not have him in our lives at all.

the comment about him not wearing a condom isnt saying its 100% his fault or whatever you want to call it as i surely dont believe my daughter is a mistake so i dont want it to come across that way, im just simply saying that on his end, he made the choice on wether he wanted to take a chance at me getting pregnant when he didnt use one, so when i decided not to get an abortion, that others said he didnt have a choice. i was 19 at the time, so yes i wasnt being totally smart with not using protection, but you know i wouldnt take it back.
and the only reason i had to go through this whole child support thing is because i needed public assistance, help from the government with medical insurance and food buying assistance, and if you dont cooperate they wont give you the benefits, so i was stuck! my current bf wants to adopt savannah when we get married and we're hoping her bio father agrees to sign over his rights, because as he hasnt been a part of her life or shown any interest, shes better off having a man in her life who WANTS to be, know what i mean? and he is the type of person who will just be an asshole just to be difficult. if he truly cared about his daughter it wouldnt have taken this and him having to pay support to get him to so called "want" to see her. with his history of drug abuse and mental abuse towards me when we were together, i absolutely dont trust him. he was very abusive, while not physically he was mentally abusive, which i believe is just as bad. and im not having my daughter around him.