Children and routines ...

[Eternal]

So whats your opionion ... Should all children have a rigid routine? Or a more relaxed routine? Or does it just depend on the child?

My SIL has very ridgit routines, each thing is times, they go to bed at the same time, they eat lunch at teh same time etc, her kids seem to work well with it.

My son doesnt have a rigid routine, we obviously have bedtime etc but that will vary on time from time to time and on him (how he as slept in the day or how tired he is). Id say we were fairly relaxed. He is a very happy and social little boy.

So is there a one fits all? what do you think?

 

[Lightworker]

I am very child-led. My DD1 has her own routine, but it is one she fell into herself. Now that she is in full-time education she gets 12 hours sleep, from around 8 to 8 in the morning.

I do know that parents who don't set rigid routines tend to get looked down upon, and sometimes being baby-led is viewed as being irresponsible, as having organized routines appears to be symbolic of responsible parenting.

I don't like the idea of me imposing my ideas on her, but I suppose if she hadn't fallen into her own routine that would accomodate her school time etc, I might reconsider, although, I don't think that would happen, I do like to believe in the wisdom of children to get as much sleep as they need (as long as they are not on stimulants etc).

 

[Vickie]

I think it depends on the child and on the parents as well. For us a loose routine has worked the best. Hannah doesn't do well if she has too many days off schedule (missing nap especially, she will just completely melt down on us). We have approximate times of the day that things are done but it can and does vary some from day to day. She eats breakfast when she gets up or within a half an hour or so. She eats lunch anywhere from 12-1 depending on what we're doing and if she's hungry earlier. She goes down for a nap between 1:30 and 2 and I get her up no later than 4 so she will go to bed later . We eat dinner around 5:30 (sometimes a bit later but not much because Hannah gets really cranky if we eat to late) and she goes to bed anywhere from 8-8:30 though if we're out and about it can be later or if she missed nap for whatever reason she may go down as early as 7 for the night.

For us this routine works.

 

[ahcigar1]

I am for a middle ground on both sides. I'm not for having everything set to the minute type of routine, but at the same time don't think kids should be able to make all the decisions in their life. I do feel that children need structure and taught that they need to do certain things when they are told even if they don't want to. A very important skill that is needed throughout their life. I think that kids should be told when it is bed time, have a regular dinner hour, and a somewhat of a regular schedule day to day.

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

I struggled with demand feeding Ruby as a baby (she never demanded!) so I found myself using a loose routine to help me feed her regularly to avoid her having nothing all day then feeding all night. It worked nicely. It was never forced, if she didn't want a feed that was that haha. Equally had she ever demanded a feed at the 'wrong' time, she'd have got it! So I totally support routines when they help like that.

I don't however think all children need routine, some probably need it more than others but I do believe it is important to make their days conducive to certain things e.g eating and sleeping. Yes be babyled, but also create an environment that allows for everything to happen that needs to. An example for us would be the avoidance of overstimulation, Ruby doesn't deal well with it and it impacts her sleep if she has been overstimulated.

 

[Eternal]

I am very child-led. My DD1 has her own routine, but it is one she fell into herself. Now that she is in full-time education she gets 12 hours sleep, from around 8 to 8 in the morning.

I do know that parents who don't set rigid routines tend to get looked down upon, and sometimes being baby-led is viewed as being irresponsible, as having organized routines appears to be symbolic of responsible parenting.

I don't like the idea of me imposing my ideas on her, but I suppose if she hadn't fallen into her own routine that would accomodate her school time etc, I might reconsider, although, I don't think that would happen, I do like to believe in the wisdom of children to get as much sleep as they need (as long as they are not on stimulants etc).

This is what we do.

I think it will change when the twins come along as i will need more routine.

Sam has rough times when he goes to bed, and does various things, he is usually in bed around 8pm, if he was a baby that didnt sleep well then im sure i would do things differently, but i find if im too rigdit he gets upset and wont settle I just figure he is like me, some days im trier than others, he likes sleep (atm) and so i dont need to worry about him not going to bed.

I do beleive in being a parent, a child doesnt have the life experince to make informed decisions for themselves, so in some aspects we are really strick, like behaviour, but with routines we are not. If he asks to go to bed at 7 then he does, if he wants to stay up and extra half an hour then thats fine too. i wouldnt let him stay up all night though.

 

[OmarsMum]

We're baby led. We had a feeding schedule when Omar was a baby as he wasnt keen on drinking his milk & never cried for it. We had a loose routine when he was a baby but now we dont have any sort of routine. I'm not a routine oriented person, I dont have a fixed bedtime & i dont eat or drink at the same time each day. I go to bed when I'm sleepy & I eat when I feel hungry & Omar is the same. As long as he's getting enough sleep in 24 hrs, getting a bath everyday & he's eating a decent nutritious varied diet during the day, I dont really bother about routine.

He will go to a nursery next month, & he would automatically fall into a routine once he has some structure. When I was working, I had a rigid routine, but I dont have one since I left work, I expect Omar to fall into his own routine once he goes to nursery.

I'm a flexible person, & I would love Omar to be the same.

 

[Nibblenic]

Some people thought i was mental at the time. But, when Lo was a new born. I had a chart and wrote down when she fed, when she was awake, when she cried when she slept.

She actually had herself a 4 hour routine all of her own accord. So thats kinda what ive always done from there. Listened to her routine and followed it.

Ive always had a night time routine of story bottle bed. Did it since the day we came home from the hospital. Best tip Ive ever had

She has always had a bed time. At about 7pm. Shes always had milk as soon as she gets up and breakfast about an hour later (since weened)

Im quite big on knowing when shes going to be hungry and tired. So I can make sure we have food a place to sleep at the right time.

I personally think Los do better for routine and knowing whats coming next. But nothing so ridgid that you dont have the flexibility to explore new things within that routine

 

[Feltzy]

We've never had a rigid routine with either of our children. Some of my friends have enforced routines from day one and it seems to work really well for them, their child will be sttn from an early age, in their own room, eating/napping at set times etc. My children have coslept until around 2 and I let them nap/eat whenever they get tired/hungry. Alfie still wakes in the night and Evie only started sttn after 2. Although I have sometimes thought 'I wish my child would do that' I will always do things the way I have, routines just aren't for us.

I don't think its a one size fits all, I think people just do what they feel comfortable with.

 

[AriannasMama]

I am somewhere in between, she wakes up around 8 and has breakfast, then we play til about 11 when she starts to get tired, so she has a bottle and takes a nap, then when she wakes up (usually around 1) she has lunch, plays some more, some days she takes a nap between this time and dinner,sometimes she doesn't. After dinner we usually take a walk, play, then she has her bath, bottle, story, and is in bed by 730.

She sort of just fell into this routine and it works for us, not sure if you'd call that strict or not.

 

[thedog]

I say whatever works for the family! We are pretty baby led, though he kind of got himself into a routine by himself. Breakfast around 6am yawn, snack around 9pm, lunch around 12ish, snack around 2 then dinner around 5pm sometimes earlier.. usually bed/bath around 7. It wouldn't work well with us if he HAD to be in bed by an early time, it would be far too stressful.
Obviously if people have work commitments or something then they would have to be up at a certain time but thankfully i don't have to worry just yet.

Each to their own though

 

[bky]

I think some kind of routine is important, especially when the child has limited communication (when all they can do is, say, cry, poo, and eat). I'm not talking about bang on on 7 o'clock we do this every day, but more like we do x, then we do y then we do z. I think the regular activity helps them feel more secure as they know what to expect.
There's no reason you can't be both child led and have a routine.

 

[smelly07]

I like routine....i'm no sargent major....but i think routine is a good thing.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

we have morning routine (on school days) and bed time routine. We do not stick to set times but the routine order is always the same

 

[KittyVentura]

Varies completely. I don't think one is better than the other so long as you are guided by your baby. I've seen some mothers force a routine which didn't suit the baby and the baby be miserable. I've seen babies who (to me) clearly needed a routine but the mothers kept them out all hours to suit their social life while the baby was tired and unhappy.

I was baby led, still am. Fin led me into a routine and it happens to be the strictest routine ever lol. He has a meltdown if anything is late when we're at home. He's just now getting better at handling his routine being broken if we are out. People seem to believe that the routine is all about the mother's needs but Fin's routine means the only time I can go out is between 12 and 3 - which is actually extremely inconvenient and annoying. But it's what he needs so I stick to it as best I can. We only break it for special occasions - planned daytrips/weddings etc.

My close friend's daughter hates routine. She fights it every time her mum tries to set one and when left to be baby led she does everything at different times every day. She'd HATE to live as Fin does... and Fin would hate to live as she does. But they are both extremely happy babies xx

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Matthew has asd so he is routine led but he is getting better, he used to be bad for it x

 

[Laura2919]

I think its completely different when your talking about having multiples because routines have always worked well for us, the only thing I didnt have a routine for was their feeding, I fed on demand as it helped us better.

They have a set bedtime during the week but at the weekend if we go to a friends or family members then they stay up like last night, it was my dads birthday bbq and we got in at 10pm and they went to bed then.

During the week the girls go to nursery and I work so have to be at nursery at 7.30am so the routine works best for us. They always have a nap everyday between 1pm and 3pm.

I wouldnt say we religiously stick to it but we work around it most of the time and it helps us, thats not to say its good for everyone though.

I do however say newborn twins/triplets should have a routine because believe me leaving the house and just getting about is hard work and you cant compare having a toddler and a newborn to having two newborns.

My girls were born at 29 weeks and spent 4 weeks in an NNU so they were already partially in a routine and I worked with that. Chloe and Jaycee have really just gone from that, as they got older we changed their bedtime to a later time and then they took it back on their own, we get up early so an early bed time is what they needed. They go to bed at 6.30pm and I get people saying wow thats early, but while some parents children get up at 8/9am my girls get up at 6.30pm.

It works for us, they are happy and I am happy. I wouldnt ever force them into a routine.

 

[Eve]

I think loose routine is a good thing and given the chance, most children naturally settle into their own routine. My daughter naps at usual times (for the most part) and goes to bed around the same time every night etc.. I do not agree with rigid forced routine which includes holding off feeds for x amounts of time, leaving to CIO so they sleep at x time each day etc... it's not for me anyways.

 

[moomin_troll]

i was so laid back with zane and i let him set his own rules. he didnt want to co sleep anymore when he reached 6 months so we stopped and he set his own routine so i stuck to it and just added a bath time.

up until recently i did like to stick to set meal times and a bedtime as it was just easier. but i never wanted to set my own stricked routine as i wouldnt like someone to tell me when im hungry or tired.

now ive had baby 2 and im a single parent i will try and set a routine for both boys (set around zanes routine) to make things easier for them both once corey settles down with breastfeeding

 

[Eternal]

I think its completely different when your talking about having multiples because routines have always worked well for us, the only thing I didnt have a routine for was their feeding, I fed on demand as it helped us better.

They have a set bedtime during the week but at the weekend if we go to a friends or family members then they stay up like last night, it was my dads birthday bbq and we got in at 10pm and they went to bed then.

During the week the girls go to nursery and I work so have to be at nursery at 7.30am so the routine works best for us. They always have a nap everyday between 1pm and 3pm.

I wouldnt say we religiously stick to it but we work around it most of the time and it helps us, thats not to say its good for everyone though.

I do however say newborn twins/triplets should have a routine because believe me leaving the house and just getting about is hard work and you cant compare having a toddler and a newborn to having two newborns.

My girls were born at 29 weeks and spent 4 weeks in an NNU so they were already partially in a routine and I worked with that. Chloe and Jaycee have really just gone from that, as they got older we changed their bedtime to a later time and then they took it back on their own, we get up early so an early bed time is what they needed. They go to bed at 6.30pm and I get people saying wow thats early, but while some parents children get up at 8/9am my girls get up at 6.30pm.

It works for us, they are happy and I am happy. I wouldnt ever force them into a routine.

Yeah thats what im worried about as my LO doesnt really have much of a routine, but some mutiple mums say its a must, its going to be a huge change, i dont mind having a routine, and i think its probably the best with a less than 2 year old and TWO newborns. But its so different from what i was and am used to with my son