Ghost
Mother of one :)
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- Oct 22, 2009
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I'm really getting conflicted about choosing who to be my birth partner. I'm currently birthing at Gwent hospital and apparantly you can have two people in with you during active labour but afterwards -providing its in visiting hours -they will be asked to leave except for the birth partner or father. But not both. And if its outside of the hours then both will have to leave. It's really upset me that they can't both be there for me during whilst I'm in hospital. At the moment I'm fine but I have a family history of Pre eclampsia and my little lad has a duplex kidney so I'm not sure if ill have to stay in a little longer just for checks and stuff. I have always suffered general anxiety , but particularly social anxiety and the idea of being in a ward whilst I feel awful when I'm recovering, surrounded by nurses or strangers really makes my stomach knot. I know the priority is little guy but I'm getting nervous enough about the birth let alone afterwards.
I'm really stuck for who to decide to be my birth partner though. I definately want both my mother and partner in for the labour but afterwards only one will see me longer. Plus my baby is currently breech -though its only 31 weeks at the moment - but he's been bum down since 28weeks so I'm preparing incase he doesn't decide to shift - I may need a caesarean or proceedure and only one will be able to be with me.
My partner obviously I want to be with me as he is the baby's father and is desperate to be there for the birth of his son and to see him. I know he will worry like crazy over me and the baby should he not be present. However he isn't really the most serious of characters and I worry that he will either be silly or inappropriate, or ill be mad at him as when I'm hurting he can unintentionally be condescending. He accepts my nerves about things but can dismiss them sometimes. I'm also not hugely comfortable with having exams when he's in the room, and he fears needles and disagrees in my choices of pain releif(he wants me to have it naturally but I'm at least having gas and air!).
My mother and I have a very close relationship. She's always been there through my anxiety and present in the rooms for me to have smears,exams and tests etc. She can be a little dismissive of my anxiety but generally understands it. I always said to her I'd want her to be with me.
Whilst both would relax me or comfort me , my mother is ultimately the one I would want if I had a caesarean or was scared or in pain. My mother would try everything for me where as my partner does try but has his limits ( a basic example is massages etc. If I'm aching he will try to ease my pain however he beleives massage is supposed to be firm and usually ends up making my back worse- and won't use lotions or creams to help as he hates the texture. I know it's a bit tmi but he beleives the same for using lubricants.). That being said however, I know how important it is for my partner to see his child , and like I said the longest visiting hours goes to the father OR the birth partner not both so if I state my mother as main birth partner then she will be able to visit from 9-9pm and he will only have two hours.
I understand the visiting times and rules are so masses of people don't crowd into the rooms but I feel it's unfair I have to choose between the father and love of my life or the woman who's always there for me and who I want when I'm anxious.
How did you make the decision.
I'm really stuck for who to decide to be my birth partner though. I definately want both my mother and partner in for the labour but afterwards only one will see me longer. Plus my baby is currently breech -though its only 31 weeks at the moment - but he's been bum down since 28weeks so I'm preparing incase he doesn't decide to shift - I may need a caesarean or proceedure and only one will be able to be with me.
My partner obviously I want to be with me as he is the baby's father and is desperate to be there for the birth of his son and to see him. I know he will worry like crazy over me and the baby should he not be present. However he isn't really the most serious of characters and I worry that he will either be silly or inappropriate, or ill be mad at him as when I'm hurting he can unintentionally be condescending. He accepts my nerves about things but can dismiss them sometimes. I'm also not hugely comfortable with having exams when he's in the room, and he fears needles and disagrees in my choices of pain releif(he wants me to have it naturally but I'm at least having gas and air!).
My mother and I have a very close relationship. She's always been there through my anxiety and present in the rooms for me to have smears,exams and tests etc. She can be a little dismissive of my anxiety but generally understands it. I always said to her I'd want her to be with me.
Whilst both would relax me or comfort me , my mother is ultimately the one I would want if I had a caesarean or was scared or in pain. My mother would try everything for me where as my partner does try but has his limits ( a basic example is massages etc. If I'm aching he will try to ease my pain however he beleives massage is supposed to be firm and usually ends up making my back worse- and won't use lotions or creams to help as he hates the texture. I know it's a bit tmi but he beleives the same for using lubricants.). That being said however, I know how important it is for my partner to see his child , and like I said the longest visiting hours goes to the father OR the birth partner not both so if I state my mother as main birth partner then she will be able to visit from 9-9pm and he will only have two hours.
I understand the visiting times and rules are so masses of people don't crowd into the rooms but I feel it's unfair I have to choose between the father and love of my life or the woman who's always there for me and who I want when I'm anxious.
How did you make the decision.
