Christenings

[KiansMummy]

I got a text message from FOB this
Morning, which I haven't replied to. asking if we could get LO christened. I've not really thought about getting him christened as I'm not religious In anyway at all, and as a baby/child I wasn't christened either. So I'm a bit unsure what to do? I think it would be so awkward to organise, planning god parents/the do after etc. Me and FOB do get on a bit but only for LOs sake and I dot fancy spending all day with him and his family etc. Just wondered what your oppinons were on this? Are any of your LOs christened. I always figured that when LO is old enough to understand I he wants to be baptised then we could do it then? Thanks xx

 

[WhiteGeisha]

See I am the opposite. I am planning to have LO christened in a few months but FOB will not be there nor will his family...actually they won't even know it's happening.

I've tried to get on with FOB and his family but because I am an ex they seem to have the mentality that we can't be friends and have to fight all the time.

I will tell you something though:

I wasn't planning to have LO christened, like you, and was going to let her decide when she is older. But.....

On 1st May, my cousin's 18 month old little boy died and they never got him christened. He was christened after he died. After this, it made me think. Although I am not overly religious, I still like to think there is a heaven and if anything should happen to LO that she will go there.

Losing someone so little and precious has really turned our family upside down and you find yourself looking to faith to get you through.

Some people have christenings for the sake of it imo. I know people who don't go to church, never have, even after having LO christened which defeats the object in my eyes. Is FOB religious? Go to church? Has ever?

If you really are against the idea, maybe just say what you said on your thread and see what he responds. He might accept your decision. x

 

[KiansMummy]

See I am the opposite. I am planning to have LO christened in a few months but FOB will not be there nor will his family...actually they won't even know it's happening.

I've tried to get on with FOB and his family but because I am an ex they seem to have the mentality that we can't be friends and have to fight all the time.

I will tell you something though:

I wasn't planning to have LO christened, like you, and was going to let her decide when she is older. But.....

On 1st May, my cousin's 18 month old little boy died and they never got him christened. He was christened after he died. After this, it made me think. Although I am not overly religious, I still like to think there is a heaven and if anything should happen to LO that she will go there.

Losing someone so little and precious has really turned our family upside down and you find yourself looking to faith to get you through.

Some people have christenings for the sake of it imo. I know people who don't go to church, never have, even after having LO christened which defeats the object in my eyes. Is FOB religious? Go to church? Has ever?

If you really are against the idea, maybe just say what you said on your thread and see what he responds. He might accept your decision. x

Aw sorry to hear about your cousins little boy that must of been awful . You see that's the thing Fob isn't religious at all . In the whole time webwere together he never went to church etc. I'm not 100% sure wether or not he was baptised as a baby because he went to a roman catholic school, I always grew up going to a Church of England school as a Christian. So if I was to get LO Christened I'd have him done as a Christian which FOb would prob not w happy about. FOBs dad owns a pub an when LO was only Tiny just out of hospital I took LO to see FOBs dad, and the first thing he started
Going on about was getting him christened so that they could have a big piss up and do in his pub after! At the time I said I was gettin Xmas out of the way. I think that's the only reason FOb wants to av LO christened is to act all hard like "I'm the daddy" and get drunk at the do after! He just that type of person. I wish I could get LO christened like you without FOB or his family there but I know without a fact I would not get away with it and there would be loads of aggro after! It's such a hard thing to decide on. Xx

 

[WhiteGeisha]

See I am the opposite. I am planning to have LO christened in a few months but FOB will not be there nor will his family...actually they won't even know it's happening.

I've tried to get on with FOB and his family but because I am an ex they seem to have the mentality that we can't be friends and have to fight all the time.

I will tell you something though:

I wasn't planning to have LO christened, like you, and was going to let her decide when she is older. But.....

On 1st May, my cousin's 18 month old little boy died and they never got him christened. He was christened after he died. After this, it made me think. Although I am not overly religious, I still like to think there is a heaven and if anything should happen to LO that she will go there.

Losing someone so little and precious has really turned our family upside down and you find yourself looking to faith to get you through.

Some people have christenings for the sake of it imo. I know people who don't go to church, never have, even after having LO christened which defeats the object in my eyes. Is FOB religious? Go to church? Has ever?

If you really are against the idea, maybe just say what you said on your thread and see what he responds. He might accept your decision. x

Aw sorry to hear about your cousins little boy that must of been awful . You see that's the thing Fob isn't religious at all . In the whole time webwere together he never went to church etc. I'm not 100% sure wether or not he was baptised as a baby because he went to a roman catholic school, I always grew up going to a Church of England school as a Christian. So if I was to get LO Christened I'd have him done as a Christian which FOb would prob not w happy about. FOBs dad owns a pub an when LO was only Tiny just out of hospital I took LO to see FOBs dad, and the first thing he started
Going on about was getting him christened so that they could have a big piss up and do in his pub after! At the time I said I was gettin Xmas out of the way. I think that's the only reason FOb wants to av LO christened is to act all hard like "I'm the daddy" and get drunk at the do after! He just that type of person. I wish I could get LO christened like you without FOB or his family there but I know without a fact I would not get away with it and there would be loads of aggro after! It's such a hard thing to decide on. Xx

I didn't want to say it in so many words but practically everyone I know who have had their LOs christened have just had it done to have the piss up afterwards and don't really think about what it actually means.

Well I will probably get a lot of aggro when they find out but they will do it by way of court for access as this is the bain of my life with FOB atm.

I can only get away with it as FOB lives out the country atm and I have no contact with his family since his mother started emailing me shit in January and making threats.

I have also changed her surname. FOB manipulated me into giving her his surname even though I was adamant she would have mine (he was absent from my whole pregnancy btw) but I am not allowing him to control me anymore.

Have you txt FOB back yet?x

 

[KiansMummy]

See I am the opposite. I am planning to have LO christened in a few months but FOB will not be there nor will his family...actually they won't even know it's happening.

I've tried to get on with FOB and his family but because I am an ex they seem to have the mentality that we can't be friends and have to fight all the time.

I will tell you something though:

I wasn't planning to have LO christened, like you, and was going to let her decide when she is older. But.....

On 1st May, my cousin's 18 month old little boy died and they never got him christened. He was christened after he died. After this, it made me think. Although I am not overly religious, I still like to think there is a heaven and if anything should happen to LO that she will go there.

Losing someone so little and precious has really turned our family upside down and you find yourself looking to faith to get you through.

Some people have christenings for the sake of it imo. I know people who don't go to church, never have, even after having LO christened which defeats the object in my eyes. Is FOB religious? Go to church? Has ever?

If you really are against the idea, maybe just say what you said on your thread and see what he responds. He might accept your decision. x

Aw sorry to hear about your cousins little boy that must of been awful . You see that's the thing Fob isn't religious at all . In the whole time webwere together he never went to church etc. I'm not 100% sure wether or not he was baptised as a baby because he went to a roman catholic school, I always grew up going to a Church of England school as a Christian. So if I was to get LO Christened I'd have him done as a Christian which FOb would prob not w happy about. FOBs dad owns a pub an when LO was only Tiny just out of hospital I took LO to see FOBs dad, and the first thing he started
Going on about was getting him christened so that they could have a big piss up and do in his pub after! At the time I said I was gettin Xmas out of the way. I think that's the only reason FOb wants to av LO christened is to act all hard like "I'm the daddy" and get drunk at the do after! He just that type of person. I wish I could get LO christened like you without FOB or his family there but I know without a fact I would not get away with it and there would be loads of aggro after! It's such a hard thing to decide on. Xx

I didn't want to say it in so many words but practically everyone I know who have had their LOs christened have just had it done to have the piss up afterwards and don't really think about what it actually means.

Well I will probably get a lot of aggro when they find out but they will do it by way of court for access as this is the bain of my life with FOB atm.

I can only get away with it as FOB lives out the country atm and I have no contact with his family since his mother started emailing me shit in January and making threats.

I have also changed her surname. FOB manipulated me into giving her his surname even though I was adamant she would have mine (he was absent from my whole pregnancy btw) but I am not allowing him to control me anymore.

Have you txt FOB back yet?x

No I haven't ,he text me again at tea time asking what I think ? I just don't wanna tip the boat if you know what I mean by saying something he doesnt like. we have been getting on a bit lately only for LOs sake mind. LO has my surname and fob isn't on the birth certificate however I am going to have to put him on soon. We have been through the solicitor since decemeber and hve delayed him putting his name on since then but as there is not paternity issues and I don't want him applying for a residency order I will have to put him on. We've also been through mediation. I have to be careful what I say to him cos if I ever say out wrong he always wants
More xx

 

[AbbynChloe]

I think a Christening is an awesome Idea - I am a Christian but have yet to get Chloe Christened.

If you heart is drawn towards it - do it. at the end of the day it can do no harm. As for FOB - may be a good starting point for you both?? idk??

Good luck sweetie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[laura1991]

I got Lily christened when me and FOB were together and he ruined it. He wasnt religious i am. I try to take Lily to church as much as possible and i want her to go to a catholic school. His family were there for the piss up after! He stood on the alter chewing gum and looking so scruffy!

I personally wouldnt unless i was going to bring him up in a religious way. You have to be going to church for a certian amount of time to be christened in a catholic church anyway xx

 

[WhiteGeisha]

I asked my solicitor about FOB getting his name on BC. She said he would have to go to court and prove his parental responsibilities as it's not just a case of paternity. She told me it would take a long time for a court to put my FOBs name on the BC. Have you asked your solicitor about it?

As you are allowing access etc the court will probably not entertain the idea for a while as he has to prove he deserves 50/50 parental responsibility.

I hate how these men think they can manipulate the situation by threatening court and solicitors. My ex is the same. I feel like everyday I am waiting for the letter from his solicitor to come through the door and worry every time I stand up to him that it will come a few days later but now I am ready for the fight. I;m sick of living my life under his control. So now I say what I think and if he don't like it then see him in court x

 

[JA1988]

In regards to your original post, I wanted a christening and fob is not religious at all so he was against it. I told him it meant a lot to me but he was having none of it and even though we barely get on, I decided it was best to respect his decision as lo is his child just as much as mine, so we came to a compromise and I had lo blessed during a sunday service. Was basically a thanksgiving, naming and blessing ceremony all rolled into one, was a really lovely service and if lo wants to be christened when he is older then he can make his own mind up about it. FOB and his family did not come to the ceremony, they just came to the reception afterwards.

 

[JA1988]

Perhaps you could come to a compromise between the two of you as it is up to both of you not just his say so! xx

 

[KiansMummy]

I asked my solicitor about FOB getting his name on BC. She said he would have to go to court and prove his parental responsibilities as it's not just a case of paternity. She told me it would take a long time for a court to put my FOBs name on the BC. Have you asked your solicitor about it?

As you are allowing access etc the court will probably not entertain the idea for a while as he has to prove he deserves 50/50 parental responsibility.

I hate how these men think they can manipulate the situation by threatening court and solicitors. My ex is the same. I feel like everyday I am waiting for the letter from his solicitor to come through the door and worry every time I stand up to him that it will come a few days later but now I am ready for the fight. I;m sick of living my life under his control. So now I say what I think and if he don't like it then see him in court x

yeah I know what you mean it's a horrible feeling when you get a solicitors letter through the door my heart always sinks when one cmes. On the first ever letter from FOBs solicitor it wa requested then that i put his name onto the BC, however when I went to see my own , she said that yeah it would be better if I put him on rather than letting FOB go through the courts to get a PR , cos then I wouldnt get a say. But she Said the best option would be to buy some time for him to proove him self before I put him on before LO is 1. Whvh is what we are
Doing now but FOB isn't really proving much he'seant to pay maintainence weekly and in the whole of LOs life he has paid twice and since comes up with such lame excuse as to why he hasnt paid. He hasn't yet had LO on his own. Both my and his DEcision so I'm not sure what will happen yet. I'm still thinking about the christening for the reason you said with your cousins little boy it has really made me think. I will have to talk about it with FOb when he next had contact xx

 

[WhiteGeisha]

I asked my solicitor about FOB getting his name on BC. She said he would have to go to court and prove his parental responsibilities as it's not just a case of paternity. She told me it would take a long time for a court to put my FOBs name on the BC. Have you asked your solicitor about it?

As you are allowing access etc the court will probably not entertain the idea for a while as he has to prove he deserves 50/50 parental responsibility.

I hate how these men think they can manipulate the situation by threatening court and solicitors. My ex is the same. I feel like everyday I am waiting for the letter from his solicitor to come through the door and worry every time I stand up to him that it will come a few days later but now I am ready for the fight. I;m sick of living my life under his control. So now I say what I think and if he don't like it then see him in court x

yeah I know what you mean it's a horrible feeling when you get a solicitors letter through the door my heart always sinks when one cmes. On the first ever letter from FOBs solicitor it wa requested then that i put his name onto the BC, however when I went to see my own , she said that yeah it would be better if I put him on rather than letting FOB go through the courts to get a PR , cos then I wouldnt get a say. But she Said the best option would be to buy some time for him to proove him self before I put him on before LO is 1. Whvh is what we are
Doing now but FOB isn't really proving much he'seant to pay maintainence weekly and in the whole of LOs life he has paid twice and since comes up with such lame excuse as to why he hasnt paid. He hasn't yet had LO on his own. Both my and his DEcision so I'm not sure what will happen yet. I'm still thinking about the christening for the reason you said with your cousins little boy it has really made me think. I will have to talk about it with FOb when he next had contact xx

Oh really because my solicitor said it would take a while and wasn't as simple as putting his name on it.

Whatever you decide just make sure HE hasn't forced you into it.