Hi everyone, very long time no see. I've just spent a good few minutes catching up on all of the posts from the past few months, big congratulations to all of the new mums, it's lovely to see the pictures of all the babies, and lovely to read of new pregnancies, and also catching up on the journeys of those who are still trusting God for their BFP. I have missed all of you ladies!
It's been over 9 months since our beautiful daughter went to Heaven at 30w, it's been an absolute roller coaster of a journey, with some incredible lows. But things are looking up. It's too hard to even try to write about our journey in any sort of concise way, but we have had waves and waves of grief (I have learnt so much about that process - wow it's a tough one), we have been mourning our daughter and all of the hopes and dreams that we lost when we lost her, and then we have also been on a journey of TTC again for about 6/7 months which has brought so much pain and sadness in itself (after it didn't appear I was ovulating, cycle all over the place and at one stage they were even talking about early menopause at which point I had a complete meltdown!). Trying to keep my eyes fixed on Him throughout all of that has been so hard, but (when will I learn!?!) it's so much easier when we don't try to carry these things ourselves, Jesus is pretty good at it on our behalf!
God has really spoken to me about restoring what had been 'stolen' from us when we lost our daughter, and He promised me that we would have further children. It's been so hard to dare to trust in His promise, but I'm excited/slightly terrified to say that we did get our BFP and I'm now very tentatively pregnant. According to my dates I'm 6+4 but I know I'm about a week behind that so it's very early days. I spoke to my doctor and we're going to wait until I go back to him at about 10w for him to try to pick up the heartbeat with a doppler, then if he does he will refer me to my consultant who was our consultant with our daughter, I have no idea what will happen after then but he did say that we would be treated pretty 'normally' but would probably be closely monitored and a few extra growth scans etc, as our daughter was quite small for her gestation. It's really scary for me to even be sharing all of this as I've been so protective of my heart since we lost our first baby, but I just wanted to come on here and let you all know where we are at - you've been such a huge part of my journey and I'm so grateful for your prayers. Please can I ask that you say a prayer for me and for our little rainbow, please pray protection over the baby. Love and hugs to all x