Circumcision...looking for advice...(K&T)

[blutea]

Hi Ladies,

We just found out we are having our second boy and I must admit I was a little disappointed because I was hoping for a girl. I think my gender disappointment stems from circumcision. Our first son, who is now 2 1/2 was circumcised before I knew any better. Oh, it was the most traumatizing experience I have had so far in his life. It took me a year to get over it and now we are having another boy. My husband wants to circumcise but I want our next son to be left intact because I feel it should be our son's choice. I deeply regret taking that choice away from our first son. My husband wants our boys to look like him and he is worried that our boys will resent one another if we don't circumcise our next boy. I guess I'm looking for advice from anyone who has one circumcised son and one intact son. How have you handled it over the years? Do they resent one another? Do either of them feel less important because they look different than daddy? How did you explain the difference to them?

 

[mommyof3co]

I have 3 boys and all are circ'd, while I don't regret it I do wish I had known more about it beforehand. We are pregnant again and don't yet know what we are having but really hoping for a girl as it's our last. But I have thought a little about what we would do regarding circ if this baby is a boy, we haven't made a decision, but I have read tons on it, lots of threads from other moms who have decided to keep one son intact after having another circ'd. Most say their boys haven't even really noticed a difference or if they have they have explained simply the difference and are waiting until they are older to really explain their reasoning. I don't know really how much it would 'effect' them being different from brothers or daddy...really how many of us know what our mom's vaginas look like or even care to...I know I'm not comparing mine to my mom's or sister. I'm guessing you are in the US from your post as it's not very popular anywhere else...and it's dropped tons here. If it's something you feel very strongly about I would try showing your DH some research showing how it isn't necc. I know lots of women resort to showing their DH videos of it being done on babies from you tube and that usually changes their mind...

 

[Rmar]

I have never experienced this but I do know that the blog Peaceful Parenting covers the issue of having one child circ'd but not subsequent children.

 

[mommyof3co]

Oh yeah Peaceful Parenting on FB is always posting information about keeping your baby intact, I'm sure you could get some great info there

 

[blutea]

Thanks ladies...I'll check out Peaceful Parenting.

 

[PepsiChic]

we didnt circ my LO even though his dad is, im from the UK where they dont routinely do it, but my husband is fromt he Us and is circ'd. at first he wanted it done. but after i asked him to read about it he decided he didnt want it done.

im very happy with the decision. honestly you dont seem happy at all with the decision you made the first time round, so i wouldnt do it the second time.

ask your husband to read/watch videos that have information about it and why its not medically necessary. maybe when he learns more he'll be able to support your choice and feelings.

good luck

 

[morri]

I d say go with your gut, here in western and central europe it isnt done unless it is medically necessary which is very rare and due to a misbuilding of the foreskin ie.

 

[blutea]

It would be entirely cosmetic and the wrong reason. We were both there when our first son was circ'd and it was terrible. He cried the whole time. In hindsight, the worst part was knowing that my son was in pain and I was doing nothing (besides holding his hand) to stop it. It disrupted our breastfeeding relationship and the scar still gets red and inflamed from time to time. I just feel so terrible for taking that away from him. I don't want to make that mistake twice.

 

[morri]

Don't do it then. Theres hardly anybody who does it outside of the US

 

[blutea]

Great news! My husband and I had the circ discussion and he has agreed to leave our newborn son intact. He said he would prefer our son be circ'd (just like him and our first son) but he knows that I will not allow it. It wasn't an easy discussion but we got it done.

 

[PepsiChic]

Great news! My husband and I had the circ discussion and he has agreed to leave our newborn son intact. He said he would prefer our son be circ'd (just like him and our first son) but he knows that I will not allow it. It wasn't an easy discussion but we got it done.

congratulations! im glad you guys talked about ti and came to an agreement. over time he wont even remember that his son isnt circ'd. my hubby still forgets at times!

 

[coccyx]

If you were only doing such a major thing so he looked like his dad then i think that would be a shame. Glad you have discussed it with OH

 

[MrsRabbit]

Congrats! Several of my friends had it done to their oldest and left their younger boys alone. When you know better you do better.

 

[jbarefield74]

cool... congrats!!!