Clomid Club Graduate Buddies

[lisaf]

Daniel just started to rest his head on my shoulder... not sure if he's doing it because he's tired, but it feels like an intentional cuddle to me.. melts my heart too!

I always thought I would be very maternal, and my DH would say I am and has told me a million times that I'm such a good mother. I only see all the ways I fall short though :/

 

[Euronova]

from what i can read you all seem to good and dedicated, with your babies' interest at heart.... I really hate saying this as it's not fair to judge another mum but my SIL is so bad with her child... she acts as if he is an accessory... no matter if he is tired or ill... he is always having to eat his food on the go, by himself in the car seat and just taken from places to places.... he was so so sick once with a poorly tummy yet she took him with her shopping all day.... heartbreaking

 

[lisaf]

ugh, I know there are mothers with more than one child who have to drag a sickly one along or do the feeding on the go thing... so it doesn't really harm them, but why would you exhaust your already sick child doing shopping all day? Those are the days you just grab your essentials and go home.


I have PND though which I think is part of my issue... I get very frustrated and have a low tolerance level for Daniel when he's difficult. I just don't feel cut out for motherhood overall. But then I know some women who say that they hated the baby stage, loved toddler stage etc, so I know that just because I find babies hard doesn't mean I'm not a good mom and won't enjoy my childs fully ever.
Its like I just have flashes that go back and forth... total frustration/discouragement then a bit later, feeling on top of the world because he's the cutest thing ever. And it doesn't really depend on what he's doing. Like I don't get frustrated only when he's fussy, I get frustrated when he's doing nothing wrong.
I don't know how women with difficult or 'high needs' babies do it honestly.

 

[kcw81]

Lisa going back and forth is really normal! I do all the time! It's hard to feel on top of the world and in love when it's 3 am and there is crying and no reason and dh isn't pulling his weight and u have changed a thousand poopy diapers that day. If someone tells u they feel the warmth and joy of motherhood 24 7 they gotta be lying! Maybe chell does.

 

[SBB]

It is hard and not always joyous love!

I didn't think I was maternal at all, but actually it turns out I really am! I do everything I can to make sure Sammuel is happy now and will be in the future and I love being with him, cuddling him and kissing him all the time! I never would have thought I could love him this much!

But yeh at 3 am it can be tough. Mostly I am just sad that he is sad but sometimes I get annoyed and I don't like it but it's normal I guess.
At 6am when he decides it's time to get up and start hitting me in the face out of excitement I don't have mch patience!!

X x x

 

[Euronova]

She hasn't got any other child and goes shopping everyday... i feel for the poor boy, he must think Asda is his second home. We had to offer to look after him when he was ill.... he was so exhausted, he just slept and slept.

Lisa, I think it's great to know your limit and not sugar coating everything, i do believe women that think it's all great all the time must not be completely sincere.
I know my MIL always tell the story that one night her husband came home and she was having a cold shower and OH was screaming in his cot. Her husband said "what the hell??" and she said she was so close to loosing it she had to remove herself from the situation.
Do you know they use baby cries to torture inmates in prisons??!!
I get stroppy with my pets too... sometime I can just have the patience of a saint, some day they just drive me nuts and I feel completely overwhelmed! Don't be too hard on yourself

 

[kcw81]

Omg sometimes I hate my poor dog! I get so worn out with Jimmy and chompy is so needy too and he drives me Batty I want to scream at him!

 

[lisaf]

we started leaving our dog in the front yard during Daniel's naps because he would bark at a skateboarder or something and wake him up.

See, I wouldn't feel bad if I was feeling frustrated at 3am with a crying baby.... but I feel frustrated after only an hour of a baby that is not even really fussy. Thats why I feel bad... because its not something he is doing that is making me need a break, I just can't interact with a baby like that for too long? hard to explain... I don't know how I did it when I was home on maternity leave... I wasn't very happy doing it.

 

[Euronova]

I can understand that.... i find it hard when we look after Oliver's nephew... i loose interest really fast.
This said PND is something that needs acknowledging... my sister in law suffered from it after her first baby was born, she stayed at home and just got so depressed. When she got her second child, she decided to go straight back to work and get on with her own life and she is much much happier and not a bad mother at all, she just couldn't cope with the isolation at home and the depression made it too much for her.

 

[kcw81]

Dude though it does get boring! Lisa I am not sure why u Think that is unique! I get damn bored after an hour and have to play on my iPod or talk on the phone or something not one on one w a baby! Maybe what makes u Diff is how bad u feel- guilty?

 

[Euronova]

Are you getting treatment for your PND? My SIL was on medication. It wasn't ideal but really helped!

 

[lisaf]

yeah, I started on anti-depressants at 6 weeks post partum, but once I went back to work my stress level went up and I stopped coping as well.
I actually just called in a new prescription for a higher dose this week, haven't picked it up from the pharmacy yet (it wasn't ready yesterday).

Maybe it is the guilt I feel, lol! I just feel bad when I know other women don't need a break as often as I do. I don't know how I'll manage once he's crawling, when I can't just step a few feet away to come online etc.
I feel bad that I need the tv on all the time for stimulation since studies show its bad for them even in the background (since you talk less to them when the tv is on etc)

 

[kcw81]

Omg I watch way too much tv. I already said a long time ago Jimmy will be the test baby to see If tv really does impact them this young.

 

[lisaf]

lol, I know, I feel bad but then hey, he gets chatted to all day long at daycare and with the inlaws... so I should get the privelage of the tv, right?

 

[kcw81]

Oh and I hope no one on here is judging . I think I do pretty good with Jimmy and he is happy and loves me and chompy and I an just being honest about how spending every waking moment with a baby has it's ups and downs. Please don't judge! I don't judge. I feel like we are all great moms so far in our own ways and do what we know is best for our babies based on how well we know him. Lisa I think u r super mom with yr work and dealing w all the family and making sure Daniel has everything he needs to be healthy and loved.

 

[lisaf]

aw thanks Casey, I think all of you are super putting up with your kids all day
The only part about staying home that I miss is that I don't get to socialize with other SAHMs in my area... I feel left out of a lot of stuff they do when they have weekly meetings during daytime hours, then they're never available in the evening or weekends

I hope none of us judge each other (or at least would never put voice to any judgemental thoughts ). I think the moms who won't let their kids cry make me feel like I'm bad when I don't feel like responding the instant Daniel cries etc.. I know we all do things differently, but I tend to agree with those moms on most other things so I question myself on that choice. Then again, I know my limits for what I can put up with and thats part of my choice to let him cry a little here an there. (like I refuse to hold my pee if he's crying, lol.. as long as he's safe, he can wait)

 

[lisaf]

ok, I know our kids are not artists yet.. but this blog post is about organizing and what to do with all your kid's artwork. The last idea blew me away!
Suz, it seems right up your alley too!
https://iheartorganizing.blogspot.com/2011/11/reader-space-crazy-for-cool-artwork.html

 

[kcw81]

We all know what is best for our individual family situations and it is not cool to judge but it seems impossible to avoid receiving judgement. You shouldn't feel bad lisa, I don't. I just feel icky when I can tell that people have made judgement and they don't know anything about my stuff. But I don't feel like defending myself, why bother, you know? It's silly. I guess if Jimmy was sick or hungry or crying nonstop everyday I would think maybe I am doing something wrong but I got a working system here! why F with it?

 

[kcw81]

hey she had one for daniel? haha this is totally Suz's alley!! And yours. Me, not so much. that girl is martha stewart!

 

[lisaf]

oh, I know... I really feel that what I have is working so well, so I know I'm doing things right. Its hard though.
Like when you hear that kids the same age as yours are doing things that your kid isn't doing yet. Its really hard not to worry that something is wrong no matter how much you KNOW its ok that yours isn't doing the thing yet.

I think its because I'm such a freaking perfectionist, lol.