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Clomid Club Graduate Buddies
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I am assuming the comments about judging are aimed at me, and maybe lou cos we don't let B & S cry? Haven't we been here before?
I guess we're not allowed to talk about it in case it is judgemental.
You judge us though I'm sure for not letting them cry? Maybe you think it's ridiculous. I don't know.
I make all my parenting decisions based on my natural instinct, Sammuels needs and research. I'm sure you all do the same.
I don't feel guilty about my decisions because I know my reasons for them. I would think that most mums would be the same - ie thought about how to tackle a certain thing, the consequences and research. So I'm not sure how someone else can make you feel bad if you are happy with your decision?
If someone judges me for co-sleeping, BF, non-CIO then I don't care! Because I know I'm doing the right thing (in my opinion and for my baby).
I'm not getting shitty, it just seems we're not allowed to talk about not letting our babies cry
X x x
I guess we're not allowed to talk about it in case it is judgemental.
You judge us though I'm sure for not letting them cry? Maybe you think it's ridiculous. I don't know.
I make all my parenting decisions based on my natural instinct, Sammuels needs and research. I'm sure you all do the same.
I don't feel guilty about my decisions because I know my reasons for them. I would think that most mums would be the same - ie thought about how to tackle a certain thing, the consequences and research. So I'm not sure how someone else can make you feel bad if you are happy with your decision?
If someone judges me for co-sleeping, BF, non-CIO then I don't care! Because I know I'm doing the right thing (in my opinion and for my baby).
I'm not getting shitty, it just seems we're not allowed to talk about not letting our babies cry
X x x
Euronova
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I am guessing you just nailed it on the head. Nobody likes to feel judged but you clearly know why you are making some decisions and you are happy with making them.
The prob with depression is constantly questioning what you do and why and feeling the guilt of feeling stressed because you feel you feel you don't know what you are doing!
As I said before, you all seem to me like amazing mums, you care even if it's being worried you don't care enough. And your babies will know that!
The prob with depression is constantly questioning what you do and why and feeling the guilt of feeling stressed because you feel you feel you don't know what you are doing!
As I said before, you all seem to me like amazing mums, you care even if it's being worried you don't care enough. And your babies will know that!
kcw81
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Yeah suz I mean sometimes I feel judged because of some of the posts on here but I don't try to let it bother me- for some reason though it does matter a little what u all think of me! Everyone wants to be liked and sometimes if it feels like negative things are being said about a parenting method that I actually follow I feel beat down a little. It's not that u ever are negative about stuff it's just I draw conclusions about how u think of me if I don't do attachment stuff.? And I know we been down this path before. I still felt a little weird about it tho. I dont know how to best smooth it all over when we talk about our babies and our lives all day and obviously our methods are part of that. I shouldn't care what people think is my problem, but I do! I hate conflict and I don't want to censor our forum! Sorry I just blabbed and had no real solution. I guess to not mention it is best like u said and forget about the past posts. I don't know!
Casey I'm really sorry if you feel beat down by some stuff I say, of course that's not my intention. The problem is by being positive about something I do you're automatically assuming that I think any other way must be worse/wrong. But that's not what I'm thinking.
I am just saying stuff that I do and sometimes why I do it. Partly because we should all share and learn from each other too. But it's not in a 'my way is the best way everyone should do it' way. I do things because they are best for Sammuel, not because they are best for Jimmy.
It's hard because obviously I do think the things I'm doing are the best, but of course that's true - otherwise I wouldn't do them! And I'm by no means talking about everything, I do loads of 'bad' things and loads of things wrong and don't have the patience of a saint at all. I get bored of baby stuff too. I'm just talking about the big stuff, bug decisions or things that will have an effect.
Attachment parenting isn't for everyone, I know that. I don't expect everyone to follow it. Don't forget I am the minority here - co-sleeping, BLW, extended BF (which I will do), baby wearing, no CIO. I get shit IRL over my decisions a lot. But I don't care!
I'd never get upset at someone IRL questioning me or disagreeing, but I feel totally depressed today about this conversation.
I'm sorry I upset you. Perhaps it's the way I word stuff. I'll try and be more careful in future.
Dont hate me
I am just saying stuff that I do and sometimes why I do it. Partly because we should all share and learn from each other too. But it's not in a 'my way is the best way everyone should do it' way. I do things because they are best for Sammuel, not because they are best for Jimmy.
It's hard because obviously I do think the things I'm doing are the best, but of course that's true - otherwise I wouldn't do them! And I'm by no means talking about everything, I do loads of 'bad' things and loads of things wrong and don't have the patience of a saint at all. I get bored of baby stuff too. I'm just talking about the big stuff, bug decisions or things that will have an effect.
Attachment parenting isn't for everyone, I know that. I don't expect everyone to follow it. Don't forget I am the minority here - co-sleeping, BLW, extended BF (which I will do), baby wearing, no CIO. I get shit IRL over my decisions a lot. But I don't care!
I'd never get upset at someone IRL questioning me or disagreeing, but I feel totally depressed today about this conversation.
I'm sorry I upset you. Perhaps it's the way I word stuff. I'll try and be more careful in future.
Dont hate me
kcw81
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I dont! I'm so glad u replied just now. I feel in the minority! I think because u and Lou are more vocal ( especially u) that it feels like there is a consensus! And then i am like the odd man out and should keep to myself. A few weeks ago when I was in Hawaii there was some discussion I read that brought it up again. I Was just catching up and Reading it made me feel like the different one! I was like, don't they know I read up on old posts? It was just some comments about letting baby cry or self settle but someone said they would divorce their dh over it. Right? Or something so it was like oh, they think I am soooo mean !
No you totally missed what I meant!!!
A. No I didn't think you'd read back
And B. The divorce thing... Lou said that Ste agrees with her re non-CIO. I said phew because if he didn't it would mean divorce. NOT because someone doing CIO is a divorceable 'offence' but because Ben is SUCH a bad sleeper (sorry lou!) that if they couldn't agree how to handle it and be on the same page they'd be arguing every day over it and get a divorce!!!!
I know I'm pretty opinionated on stuff
I just feel strongly about things that's all, and I do research things and have reasons for why I do stuff and believe in it so strongly.
I guess I just know how I want sammuel to be and feel and the relationship I want us to have, and I parent the way I believe will make that happen.
But we are all different sorts of people, and not everyone wants the same things for their child (not saying my things are best, just the things I want). Does that make sense? Like if you'd been brought up with a parent who yelled at you and frightened you, you might not want that. Or if you weren't allowed to talk about your feelings, you might want your child to be able to. Or if you have something positive from your childhood you might want to pass that on.
Not even sure what I'm talking about now!
X x x
X x x
A. No I didn't think you'd read back
And B. The divorce thing... Lou said that Ste agrees with her re non-CIO. I said phew because if he didn't it would mean divorce. NOT because someone doing CIO is a divorceable 'offence' but because Ben is SUCH a bad sleeper (sorry lou!) that if they couldn't agree how to handle it and be on the same page they'd be arguing every day over it and get a divorce!!!!
I know I'm pretty opinionated on stuff
I just feel strongly about things that's all, and I do research things and have reasons for why I do stuff and believe in it so strongly. I guess I just know how I want sammuel to be and feel and the relationship I want us to have, and I parent the way I believe will make that happen.
But we are all different sorts of people, and not everyone wants the same things for their child (not saying my things are best, just the things I want). Does that make sense? Like if you'd been brought up with a parent who yelled at you and frightened you, you might not want that. Or if you weren't allowed to talk about your feelings, you might want your child to be able to. Or if you have something positive from your childhood you might want to pass that on.
Not even sure what I'm talking about now!
X x x
X x x
babyloulou
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Hi girls 
Sorry I've been missing. We went to York for Ste's cousin's wedding and stayed for 3 days! I'd like to say it was fun.... but it was hell!! Ben basically just didn't sleep for 3 days!
I've been reading back but can't remember everything...
With regards to the crying/attachment thing- I can see both sides. I suppose when we say why we are doing it then it can come across as a criticism of people who don't. But on the same point I can see what Suz means that it is just us discussing what we do- just as the parent-led members discuss their routines for the baby etc... If we were being sensitive we could say that when you are talking about routines and how your babies are STTN I could take that as a criticism of Ben's lack of sleep - but I don't- as everyone is different.
We all know there are advantages and disadvantages to both styles of parenting (Ben's lack of sleep being a huge case in point!!) We can all only look at how each thing would fit into our families and lives.
Casey- the "divorce" comment was about how if two people massively disagreed on a style of parenting then it would be hard to parent together- NOT that I would divorce someone who wanted to CIO. It was just a passing comment about how I couldn't cope with how horrendous our nights were if it wasn't for Ste helping so much- if he was on a different page to me it would be impossible!! And you are in no means in the minority! In RL more people I know do it your way than my way. I get loads of criticism about letting Ben get so little sleep because I won't leave him to cry. And in some ways I do question myself over it sometimes. Like I said pros and cons to both ways!
You only have to look around the rest of the forum to see how many arguments this sort of stuff causes! I'm sure this issue will come up about other things we all do differently as the babies grow! (discipline, schooling, etc) I think we are doing wonderfully on this thread with the lack of arguing to say how different we all are! I love all you girls and it's damn obvious we all love our babies- otherwise we wouldn't even care about this stuff!
Sorry I've been missing. We went to York for Ste's cousin's wedding and stayed for 3 days! I'd like to say it was fun.... but it was hell!! Ben basically just didn't sleep for 3 days!
I've been reading back but can't remember everything...
With regards to the crying/attachment thing- I can see both sides. I suppose when we say why we are doing it then it can come across as a criticism of people who don't. But on the same point I can see what Suz means that it is just us discussing what we do- just as the parent-led members discuss their routines for the baby etc... If we were being sensitive we could say that when you are talking about routines and how your babies are STTN I could take that as a criticism of Ben's lack of sleep - but I don't- as everyone is different.
We all know there are advantages and disadvantages to both styles of parenting (Ben's lack of sleep being a huge case in point!!) We can all only look at how each thing would fit into our families and lives.
Casey- the "divorce" comment was about how if two people massively disagreed on a style of parenting then it would be hard to parent together- NOT that I would divorce someone who wanted to CIO. It was just a passing comment about how I couldn't cope with how horrendous our nights were if it wasn't for Ste helping so much- if he was on a different page to me it would be impossible!! And you are in no means in the minority! In RL more people I know do it your way than my way. I get loads of criticism about letting Ben get so little sleep because I won't leave him to cry. And in some ways I do question myself over it sometimes. Like I said pros and cons to both ways!
You only have to look around the rest of the forum to see how many arguments this sort of stuff causes! I'm sure this issue will come up about other things we all do differently as the babies grow! (discipline, schooling, etc) I think we are doing wonderfully on this thread with the lack of arguing to say how different we all are! I love all you girls and it's damn obvious we all love our babies- otherwise we wouldn't even care about this stuff!
kcw81
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Ok ok we are cool. Are we all cool? I feel better thank u ladies. Lou I missed u! Sorry it was rough at the wedding. Maybe I was just trying to rustle up trouble and attention since u and suz have been busy lately. Haha. Suz seriously?? I read it all! Especially the juicy stuff.
babyloulou
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You have to bear in mind the cultural differences too. There was a really interesting thread in 3rd Tri once where they were comparing the differences between the UK and the US in labour and parenting. They don't really seem to care about mothers much here amd everything is focused on the baby. The thread was talking about how a baby can be put in a nursery after the birth in the hospital to let the mother rest- that hasn't happened here since the 60's!
I know there they are all about routine and give advise about routines from the start. Here we are told we HAVE to follow the baby's lead to start with for feeding, sleeping etc. Here you are not even allowed to do sleep training/ CIO until at least 6 months of age xx
I know there they are all about routine and give advise about routines from the start. Here we are told we HAVE to follow the baby's lead to start with for feeding, sleeping etc. Here you are not even allowed to do sleep training/ CIO until at least 6 months of age xx
Hey lou :wave: I have to go get ready to go out so no time to comment, but I agree we do pretty well not arguing about stuff. It's hard, everyone has different opinions!
We're cool though. I'll try not to be so opinionated but can't promise anything
X x x
We're cool though. I'll try not to be so opinionated but can't promise anything
X x x
kcw81
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Ok good suz. Glad to hash this out. I agree it's partly a uk vs US thing. So funny/ guess we do as we are told. Yeah the CIO is a hot button and a difference between the countries. so is alcohol in pregnancy ! Remember how heated people got? What else was there?
babyloulou
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Yes definitely better BF/Pumping facilities and acceptance there Casey!
The other big one is circumcision.... (but let's not open that can of worms!!
)
The other big one is circumcision.... (but let's not open that can of worms!!
)
kcw81
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Yeah what was I thinking bringing up hot topics? Just gets people heated. Things come up tho with us all the time and I am sure with Lauras new baby and Verons pregnancy topics can arise again.
So the trip was awful? Was Ben fussing all thru out? Are u soooo tired?
So the trip was awful? Was Ben fussing all thru out? Are u soooo tired?
babyloulou
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Yeah he was terrible! It was awkward because we were all in the same room and any slight noise wakes him up- and of course he knew we were there in the same room too which didn't help!!
babyloulou
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No just me, Ste and Ben in one hotel room I mean- so we had to share a bedroom with him x
lisaf
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Aw, sorry if Casey and my discussion earlier sparked any ill feelings, I'm glad its solved itself.
I think in my case, its more like what Casey said... where I believe in my parenting choices, but I do occasionally question myself on some things. I don't think anyone should censor themselves here (except when it comes to good sleeping babies since its just cruel to taunt Lou with that). I consider my issues to be totally in my head and not anyone else's fault. I don't feel judged, I judge myself too much if that makes sense.
Anyway, busy day today, inlaws drove me crazy again. According to my MIL, her other son was able to speak very well before he was even 1 years old. He took a swim class where they made him go under water, and he loudly claimed and pointed at the teacher and told his mom 'thats the lady who tried to drown me' .. all before the age of one
I told her thats not possible and she insisted... argh, drives me nuts!!! She even said something about how she wasn't on her pills for 2 years and I told her thats not true because she was still on them when I was pregnant! Just wish she could keep reality/truth straight.
We did BLW last night and tonight.. avocado both nights. First night, he couldn't grab much since its so slippery but he enjoyed squishing it. I totally 'broke' the BLW rules though and put a bit of avocado on my finger and popped it into his mouth.. he just spit it back out, didn't seem to hate it as much as carrots though. Tonight, he had trouble grabbing it, so I put some on my finger and held my finger out.. to my shock, he grabbed my finger, pulled it right into his mouth, proceded to do that several times! Actually swallowed some, lots of coughing/gagging noises (thats normal, right?). He seemed to actually enjoy it but seemed kind of weirded out too. In the end, he actually puked it back up. Not sure if thats normal?
I think in my case, its more like what Casey said... where I believe in my parenting choices, but I do occasionally question myself on some things. I don't think anyone should censor themselves here (except when it comes to good sleeping babies since its just cruel to taunt Lou with that
). I consider my issues to be totally in my head and not anyone else's fault. I don't feel judged, I judge myself too much if that makes sense.Anyway, busy day today, inlaws drove me crazy again. According to my MIL, her other son was able to speak very well before he was even 1 years old. He took a swim class where they made him go under water, and he loudly claimed and pointed at the teacher and told his mom 'thats the lady who tried to drown me' .. all before the age of one
I told her thats not possible and she insisted... argh, drives me nuts!!! She even said something about how she wasn't on her pills for 2 years and I told her thats not true because she was still on them when I was pregnant! Just wish she could keep reality/truth straight.We did BLW last night and tonight.. avocado both nights. First night, he couldn't grab much since its so slippery but he enjoyed squishing it. I totally 'broke' the BLW rules though and put a bit of avocado on my finger and popped it into his mouth.. he just spit it back out, didn't seem to hate it as much as carrots though. Tonight, he had trouble grabbing it, so I put some on my finger and held my finger out.. to my shock, he grabbed my finger, pulled it right into his mouth, proceded to do that several times! Actually swallowed some, lots of coughing/gagging noises (thats normal, right?). He seemed to actually enjoy it but seemed kind of weirded out too. In the end, he actually puked it back up. Not sure if thats normal?
