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[babyloulou]

V- that's so sad Would she be open to reading about it herself? This is a good link....

https://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

 

[Euronova]

She is very intelligent and very aware of the situation but I feel he has made her feel so worthless and is also using a lot of guilt... like she says how he would do something stupid if she left or that he has no friends because of his character...
The things he has said to her in the past are horrible... the worse bullying I have heard... and i warned her several times that because she doesn't give him any consequences and lets him get away with it, it would escalate...
I did not expect that he would hit her so hard the first time, he punched her in the ribs and she thought she had a broken rib and struggled to breathe for days and had a massive bruise
She says it's the first time and she think he will not do it again but he has not even apologised or admitting any fault.... (apologising would be a bit easy but at least show remorse..)
I am just worried that he will cross the line and hit her to a point where he can't stop and he has to go through it... he has threatened many many times to kill her and their pets and burn there house down....
I just hope she will react soon... unfortunately no-one but her can tell where is her limit and when she will say enough is enough... she has tolerated so much.... i just don't know if she has it in her to stand up for herself.

 

[babyloulou]

There's nothing you can do V. My ex wore me down and down emotionally until I was totally dependent on him and I didn't listen to anybody else at all. It took him 6 years to finally hit me properly (after years of pushing and shoving)- he kicked me off a garden chair and broke two of my ribs. They do make you feel so worthless - it's strange because I can't even imagine it now!

It would help her if she could hear other stories from other women in a similar situation! Maybe tell her to find you an example on the Internet where this has all turned out ok? Tell her that if she can you'll shut up about it. It might prompt her to read a few other examples of these situations and she might see the patterns being repeated- right down to him managing to make her feel it's her fault!

 

[SBB]

How sad V... I agree there's nothing you can do. I went out with a nasty violent man too and he controlled me. I knew in my heart it could never work but I still let him control me. One day I just woke up and walked away.

She can only do that herself but I do think as Lou says reading other people's stories might help xx

 

[Euronova]

I am so sorry you both had to go through this but I am also so hopeful for her to see that you got out of it and are so much happier now.
She has met a nice guy, nothing happened but she has really taken a liking to him, I hope their friendship grows and maybe he will have feelings for her and she will find the strength to leave.
One thing that shocked me is that she was ashamed to tell me today that he hit her. Because she feel she let it happen, I just hope she realises soon that things won't get better. How did you get out? Did you have to seek refuge? She is very afraid of what he will do if she leaves, they have a house together so she is also worried he will not want to sell as she needs the money to be able to live on her own.

 

[SBB]

I left about 7 times and went back. My mum got angry with me in the end. I think what tipped me over was finding out he'd been on a date with someone else (and I have no doubt he'd done a lot worse). I think I just woke up the next day and thought totally differently. All my family lived close by so I wasn't really scared of him. I think by the time I'd made the decision to leave I was just suddenly over it and I thought I didn't even give a shit if he tried to hurt me or whatever!

X x x

 

[babyloulou]

To be honest V I'd love to say I had the strength to never speak to him again afterwards but he actually dumped me that day. By the time he finished his little game again (he'd been knocking someone else off) and wanted me back a few week later I finally had enough! I'd finally met someone else (who only ended up a fun rebound shag) that showed me what I'd been missing.

He then tried his usual tricks- suicide threats, violence threats, turning up at my mums house and trying to smash windows, letting girls fawn over him in the pub whenever he saw me (he's VERY gorgeous!!). I just didn't care anymore- I just kept calling his bluff- once he realised his power had gone he gave up very quickly!!

If I bump into him on nights out now (well when I had nights out pre-Ben!) he still gives me shit and tells me he loves me and all that crap!

I hope your friend comes to her senses xx

 

[SBB]

And I think she's ashamed because she knows that he's totally wrong and that she should leave. But he'll have made her think she can't...

X x x

 

[babyloulou]

Yeah and what Suz said.. I sort of didn't care if he beat the crap out of me anymore- I actually thought- oh well if he hits me as least I can ring the police and get him away from me!

 

[SBB]

God Lou you have to see him?! That's hideous...

I used to wish my ex would die, because it was easier than leaving!! Seriously! And I'd have got the life insurance sadly he's still alive and being violent with other women and is a dad

X x x

 

[babyloulou]

I was even stupid enough to have a 2-night-stand with him again just before I got with Ste!

.... what can I say- he was my weakness for many, many years!!! (even poor Ste has been dumped by me 3 times over the last 17 years we've known each other so I could run back to the loser! )

 

[babyloulou]

Yeah mine became a dad a few months ago too With a one-night-stand he had (a girl I used to be friends with at school actually)- he's not allowed to see the baby though apparently!!

Yes unfortunately Suz he still lives in my home town. My stepdad saw him in the Chinese a couple of weeks ago and he was asking loads of questions about me and Ben It makes Ste angry because he obviously hates him- one because of what I did to him over the ex and two because he's beat Ste up 3 times over the years (broke Ste's nose twice) )

 

[SBB]

Poor Ste - at least he got you in the end - and thank god!!! Imagine if you were still with that twat and had a kid with him

X x x

 

[Euronova]

God that is horrible! I hope she manages to cut ties... I will let you know if anything new happens.

 

[TySonNMe]

Omigosh, what evil men you have as exes! Poor Ste Lou! I hope he pressed charges! The homepathic medicine is called Kids Relief Nighttime Cough and Cold. Just a bunch of natural things in there I guess. It's for kids 2+ but Jax is 25 pounds now so he's fine. I just give him a bit less than the dose for 2 year olds.

 

[TySonNMe]

V, we haven't gone back to counseling yet, btu we're doing okay. We're still working on it though.

 

[Peach Blossom]

Gosh, Suz and Lou, so sorry you had to go through all that.

V, sorry you're friend is going through such shit... I hope she comes to her senses soon.

Oh and V, what you wrote on FB about your OH not making you feel good. Really sit down and have a good, long conversation with him about it. I'm proof of what cna happen if you just keep letting it go and making excuses. xx

I'm feeling lonely tonight... Perfect Stranger isn't great at initiating contact, and I don't want to come across as clingy, so I've not text him tonight... It's the evenings that really get me...

 

[Peach Blossom]

I had my friend and her baby over for the Baby's dinner tonight! So cute. Although Lili seems to think that Lottie was eating her food and got a bit narked about it! We then gave them a bath together!

 

[SBB]

Aw how cute Jess!

I can imagine evenings must be hard we're here so you aren't lonely!

X x x

 

[babyloulou]

Aww Jess We're here. We've let this thread slip a bit- we need to get back up to where we were so you can natter away all night to us on here xxx